Need some support~Newbie:)

[nickkiwick]

Hi everyone my name is Nicole. I am a 34 year old mother of three. I have a 15 and 10 yr old by my ex-husband. Divorced after 14 yrs. I now have a 5mo old boy with my fiancee Adam. I have never been to AA or NA or anywhere like this. I was looking for support and advice. I am not a drinker and don't use drugs, but my fiancee has a coke addiction problem. I have been with him for almost 2yrs and didn't know until after I had the baby that he was using. Although, I kinda knew he was on something until I confronted him he did not tell me anything. I just was left to believe he smoked pot and that was it. Well, I started seeing a big deflation in our money! He spends about $150-200 dollars a week on it. I am at my witts end. I don't know what to do. There is no NA in Phoenix where I live and my car is down anyway. I just need some support and I need some good advice and strategy for possibly getting away from this situation. I do love him with all of my heart, but he has a violent temper when he does not have anything to get high on. I have noticed that repeatedly. Anyway, that's why I'm here to get support and some resources and advice. I need to talk to someone I get so depressed over this!:sad:

[soberaddy]

Hi (((((Nicole))))) and a huge welcome to our group. There is much help out there for someone in a situation like yours. At the end I will leave you with some links of websites you can go to and also some phone numbers. Also we have a forum called Family and Friends of Alcoholics/addicts. It is very informative and you can share what is in your heart. I certainly I'm not in a situation to tell you what to do or anything, but if you have a suspicion that your fiancee is an addict (he gets a temper when he's not high), you need to get advice (Al-Anon, counsellors) and think about yourself and the baby foremost. Talking for myself, of course, I know that when I didn't have my 'fix' sorta speak, I would do and come up with anything imagineable to get it and I didn't care who I hurt in the process. So, please Nicole, come back anytime and talk to us. You are very welcome here 24/7 and share with us or ask anything.

http://www.al-anon.org/

http://www.nar-anon.org/

mailto:wso@al-anon.org (email)

For meeting information in the U.S. and Canada, call 1-888-4AL-ANON (between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. ET Monday-Friday).

Hope this will help you in any way Nicole and let us know how you are. Hang in there honey, there is hope always. Keeping you in my prayers.

With love;

Anne:42: :42::195: :195:

[nickkiwick]

Thank you soooo much for the advice and encouragement Anne. I will check the links out! It is very hard for me as I also have my 10yr old daughter who lives with us and she does not like him because he is mean to her at times. He goes from love to hate ya know? He does also have a mean temper when he has nothing too! We've had a lot of fights because of his temper! Pretty bad. He has never outright hit me, but there are other things that come pretty darn close. I am so heartsick right now, and I know I need counseling, but doing anything without him knowing besides this (I'm at work) he would give me hell. Thanks again I will check that out definately!:1:

[snugsnug]

hey nickkiwick,
follow this link fo NA in Pheonix http://arizona-na.org/meetings/valley.html
just put the days and times you want and boom there it is.
It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing.
Keep coming, it works, you don't have to be an addict to enjoy this site.:12:

:47:

:52:
and be grateful you found out when it was only two-hundred a week instead of three or four thousand a week.
I love you and keep coming.

[nickkiwick]

Thank you so much! I did check out the Na and it's way out in Scottsdale! I got the contact phone number from an operator at NA though, so I am going to call and see what I can find out around my area! Thanks for the info and the support!!!!!

[DonnyB]

A big welcome Nicole. I know you are joining with us in not the best of circumstances. I think you will find that people here are ready to offer their support at the drop of a hat. I cannot urge you enough to get help for yourself through al-anon or a similar organization. The money will not last long, at least it didn't for me and that is when I became desperate and wanted a high at any cost. People are here for you I guarantee you of that. Best regards,

Donny B

[bry]

Nicole,
You've gotten lots of good advise so far. The best is to do what you have to to take care of yourself. You can't get anyone straight they have to want it. Keep coming here for support and try alon-on if you can find one close. Take care of yourself so you can take care of the kids.
((Hugs))
Bry

[admin]

Hey ((((Nicole)))), :46: I am very glad to have you join us here. There are also some online Alanon meetings that you can attend:
http://www.stepchat.com/

We also have a forum on the board here for Family and Friends of Alcoholics/Addicts: http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=11 . Feel free to check both of those links out when you get a chance. Please feel free to continue to come here and share with us. :42:

Love,
Tammy

[nickkiwick]

Thank you so much Bry, Donny and Tammy! It feels so good to finally have someone to talk to about this. I am so hardpressed for answers and any kind of help I can get. I do love him so very that is why doing this is tough. I did not honestly know where to turn there is so much info out there on drug addiction so I just kept searching and researching and came across this. I am so happy I finally did!

Have a great day everyone. I am so happy to meet all of you:wink:

[zoomie]

I cna't add anything to the above,but Ijust wanted to welcome you. If worse gets to worse you can always try a battered woman's shelter. You don't have to be hit in order to be abused. Take care of yourself and keep coming back!!!

[janbear]

Hi Nicole and Welcome to CyberRecovery:42:
:195: Praying for you

[Peggyannvt]

I can not add much, but there is only one person you can change and that is yourself.

The twelve steps have become so important to me.

The Serenity Prayer helps me look at myself and not others.

Having someone, or many, to share with also helps.

Welcome

[Misselle]

Welcome, Nicole - I am sorry to hear about your situation - it is frightening to be there alone but with kids... I hope you get to a meeting as soon as possible, and remember - you cannot save him. You and the kids must come first! Hang in there.

[Prescott]

Hi Nicole, Welcome to our group. There are some great ladies here. Keep coming back.

[Doraine]

:76: &:77: Nicole. You're in a tough situation. If you stay this can go on for years I know from experience. You can protect you & your kids by leaving. Your fiance will be faced with his addiction. You can't get anyone clean they have to want it. It took me 13 years to leave my alcohol & drug abusing husband. I had 3 kids to protect. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I got sober 2 years after the divorce in 1987. Attend nar-anon meetings online if you can't find one in your area. I attended al-anon. It gave me the courage to do what I had to do. Good luck.