Peggyannvt
08-01-2006, 08:25 PM
The Problem
Montpelier Vermont ACOA
Many of us find that we have several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic household.
We become isolated, and uneasy with other people – especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we become people-pleasers, even though we lose our identities in the process. Personal criticism is perceived as a threat.
We either become alcoholics ourselves, or pair with them – or both. Failing that, we find another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our need for the familiarity of abandonment.
Because we were victims, we see life from the standpoint of victims.
We have overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and prefer to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. Thus, we become reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative, and continuing to feel resentful and victimized.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We’ll do almost anything to hold on to a relationship, but we keep choosing insecure relationships because they match our childhood experience with our parents.
Alcoholism is a family disease, and we can see ourselves as “para-alcoholics,” taking on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink.
We learned to stuff our feelings in childhood, and we tend to keep them buried, perhaps with occasional explosions of emotions that feel out of control and dangerous.
We confuse love and pity, and love those we can pity and rescue.
We become addicted to anxiety and excitement, preferring crisis and upset to relaxation and serenity. Calm relationships often seem boring to us.
We judge ourselves harshly, and have very low self-esteem. We guess at what normal is.
This is not an indictment. It’s a description of some of the issues many of us share.
________________
LOVE
Peggyann
Montpelier Vermont ACOA
Many of us find that we have several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic household.
We become isolated, and uneasy with other people – especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we become people-pleasers, even though we lose our identities in the process. Personal criticism is perceived as a threat.
We either become alcoholics ourselves, or pair with them – or both. Failing that, we find another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our need for the familiarity of abandonment.
Because we were victims, we see life from the standpoint of victims.
We have overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and prefer to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. Thus, we become reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative, and continuing to feel resentful and victimized.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment. We’ll do almost anything to hold on to a relationship, but we keep choosing insecure relationships because they match our childhood experience with our parents.
Alcoholism is a family disease, and we can see ourselves as “para-alcoholics,” taking on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink.
We learned to stuff our feelings in childhood, and we tend to keep them buried, perhaps with occasional explosions of emotions that feel out of control and dangerous.
We confuse love and pity, and love those we can pity and rescue.
We become addicted to anxiety and excitement, preferring crisis and upset to relaxation and serenity. Calm relationships often seem boring to us.
We judge ourselves harshly, and have very low self-esteem. We guess at what normal is.
This is not an indictment. It’s a description of some of the issues many of us share.
________________
LOVE
Peggyann