Talia
08-13-2006, 12:32 PM
I have been with my partner for 1 year. I knew he was an alcoholic when I met him and actually we were both drinkers when we met 12 years prior, concieved a daughter and were seperated for 12 years.
Last year we reunited, I have been sober since 1998 and he was still using. He quit for 6 months and fell off the wagon for a week, binged like crazy and then begged to come home when he ran out of money. I relented, he promised and swore he wouldn't do it again.We talked about treatment,AA Meetings and he refused and vehemently stated he was against all of it. Problem was, all he did was quit drinking really,still had the ol' dry drunk behaviour. He has no communication skills, is/was not emotionally supportive and then he began to use pot @ work cause everyone else does it. I put my foot down and demanded he stop, he chose to continue and stated he would rather smoke up once in awhile than drink and I should understand and be happy he is not drinking. HA!
We broke up, I was through with him...done, over....not taking him back.:neutral:
Well, three weeks later he shows up, broke,dirty,stinky and drunk @ my door.
Asking to me to take him back, that I just have to accept that he is going to fall off the wagon and put up with his pot smoking and quit making it so hard for him to come back. He had hit rock bottom in only three weeks, spent all his paycheck, no place to stay,the friends he had while he was drinking, didnt even want him around them anymore and he is quit the arsehole when he's drinking,cocky and arrogant.
( I had a giggle to myself)
I said no, I love you, but I can't be with you when you are drinking. Im sorry, I wont make any excuses for your behaviour anymore.
He tried over and over and finally called me from a men's homeless shelter, asking me how to help him get into treatment.
I was torn, I didn't know if he was saying it to get back together or if he really meant it.
Well, I can say that he has committed to helping himself. It was very hard to sit back and " not do" for him. I mean I'm so used to "doing for him" that Ive had to sit back,encourage yet let him do what he needs to do.
He has started a journey...Ill keep ya posted.
But my journey has also started. I found at first I was being a friggen martyr, trying to be tough and unfeeling. Now I am sad,depressed and resentful.
When he left to drink - he left a mess. A financial mess, a family mess.......one that Ive left to clean up while he goes to treatment. I don't even know if Ill have a place to live, I had problems at work with co-workers gossiping about HIS drinking problem and I've taken a stress leave.
My trust is down, I feel alone now. Displaced and am considering counselling now for myself.
Last year we reunited, I have been sober since 1998 and he was still using. He quit for 6 months and fell off the wagon for a week, binged like crazy and then begged to come home when he ran out of money. I relented, he promised and swore he wouldn't do it again.We talked about treatment,AA Meetings and he refused and vehemently stated he was against all of it. Problem was, all he did was quit drinking really,still had the ol' dry drunk behaviour. He has no communication skills, is/was not emotionally supportive and then he began to use pot @ work cause everyone else does it. I put my foot down and demanded he stop, he chose to continue and stated he would rather smoke up once in awhile than drink and I should understand and be happy he is not drinking. HA!
We broke up, I was through with him...done, over....not taking him back.:neutral:
Well, three weeks later he shows up, broke,dirty,stinky and drunk @ my door.
Asking to me to take him back, that I just have to accept that he is going to fall off the wagon and put up with his pot smoking and quit making it so hard for him to come back. He had hit rock bottom in only three weeks, spent all his paycheck, no place to stay,the friends he had while he was drinking, didnt even want him around them anymore and he is quit the arsehole when he's drinking,cocky and arrogant.
( I had a giggle to myself)
I said no, I love you, but I can't be with you when you are drinking. Im sorry, I wont make any excuses for your behaviour anymore.
He tried over and over and finally called me from a men's homeless shelter, asking me how to help him get into treatment.
I was torn, I didn't know if he was saying it to get back together or if he really meant it.
Well, I can say that he has committed to helping himself. It was very hard to sit back and " not do" for him. I mean I'm so used to "doing for him" that Ive had to sit back,encourage yet let him do what he needs to do.
He has started a journey...Ill keep ya posted.
But my journey has also started. I found at first I was being a friggen martyr, trying to be tough and unfeeling. Now I am sad,depressed and resentful.
When he left to drink - he left a mess. A financial mess, a family mess.......one that Ive left to clean up while he goes to treatment. I don't even know if Ill have a place to live, I had problems at work with co-workers gossiping about HIS drinking problem and I've taken a stress leave.
My trust is down, I feel alone now. Displaced and am considering counselling now for myself.