janbear
06-08-2006, 08:55 PM
Message
bluidkiti
Administrator
Age: 44
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 7079
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:07 am Post subject: Hearing 5th Steps
HEARING 5th STEPS
Big Book - Chapter Seven - "Working With Others" (page 96): "Suppose you
are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he
is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.
Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.
Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his
story ..."
We find reference to doing the Third Step with your new man and offering to
hear his Fifth Step. All the references in Chapter 6 to doing it with non
alcoholics are there because there was no Fellowship - the book was for
"mail order" sobriety; it was hoping you, the reader, would begin to "create
the Fellowship you crave."
In Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill writes on Step Five: "We shall
want to speak with someone who has not only stayed dry..." and "Until we
talked with complete candor of our inner conflicts, and had listened to
someone else do the same, we still didn't belong."
Here we find more information along the same lines, encouraging us to hear a
Fifth Step so we can "belong." It is our opinion that the "Step process" is
incomplete without hearing at least one Fifth Step. Little is written in
our "textbooks" on this, so we are sharing here a course of action that has
worked effectively for us.
In our view, to qualify, it helps to have done a 4th & 5th Step (&
preferably not stopped there!). We have met many who have avoided this
opportunity (responsibility) for Spiritual growth through fear, laziness or
disinterest. Another often used "reason" for not hearing a Fifth Step is
something like: "Well, I really don't know him that well." That can be
turned to an advantage in the fact that you can be even more objective,
which is defined as impartial, fair or unbiased. Of course, when this
process is done, you will know him (her) as a reflection of yourself! We
could write pages (maybe a book) on how we are "all cut from the same cloth"
and "tarred with the same brush." These are experiential conclusions that
will come after you have heard a Fifth Step.
We are doing more than just hearing. We believe that we are asking to be a
"channel" for God in this highly personal aspect of another person's
recovery. It is an attempt to get "ourselves out of the way" for as long as
it takes. We are not being asked to "play the role" of doctor, minister,
psychiatrist, judge or counselor. In fact, it's a good idea to qualify
ourselves out loud that we do not possess these qualifications. Merely one
alcoholic with another alcoholic attempting to get closer to God by doing
the Steps.
Praying for guidance and direction, we "set the stage" by taking the phone
off the hook or turning the ringer off. If there is a likelihood of knocks
on the door, leave a note asking not to be disturbed. Together, we pray to
have God join us, to bring about this "channel" state of consciousness. We
pray for our hearts and minds to be open, that we be given whatever is
necessary to accomplish our individual roles.
Ask if you may take notes. Ask if you may give "feedback." Most people are
pleased that we are willing to make more of an effort than "just listen."
Notes help us for several reasons; we don't have to keep trying to remember
stuff, which allows more of our undivided attention. We will, with no
seeming effort, often be able to detect patterns of behavior that "just seem
to appear" from these notes. Often certain words will "leap out" and form
the basis of a "Step 6 & 7 list." We make certain that they know the notes
will become their property as soon as we are done.
The "feedback?" If we are trying to be like a "conference call to God" then
just do what "feels" right. We gently share what has been "revealed" to us
in the hearing. It may seem prudent to ask: "Is there any last dirty
rotten little secret that you are withholding and will take you to the
grave?"
Moving toward "trusting God" is an experiential process. To quote a line
from the Big Book on page 63: "He provided what we needed if we kept close
to Him and performed His work well."
When done, we pray together in the Spirit of Thankfulness for this priceless
opportunity to clean house, "live out loud" for perhaps the first time in
our lives, and move another Step along the Path. Next, the questions on
page 75 of the Big Book "Returning home ..." are answered. (Again: the Big
Book was written for "mail order" sobriety - there was no Fellowship.)
At this point, we allow the "giver" of the 5th Step the opportunity to
decide if they would like to perform a "ceremonial burning" of the paperwork
(including notes but excluding Step 6 and 8 "lists"). If these have not
been organized, we let this be the opportunity to do so. Regardless of what
course is decided, we, as the hearers of Step 5, thank the "giver" for their
trust and dedication to action. We ask that we be called if "more is
revealed" and openly share in their exhilaration as the dark burdens are
lifted.
Time? Step 5 takes as long as is takes. We usually set aside the entire
day, so there is no haste to be "done" at any certain time. We do all that
we can to avoid rigidity and expectations. We trust God with the rest. If
we need to eat, we eat. If we need to rest, we rest. Sometimes it "feels
right" to take a break. We must remind ourselves often that this Step is a
process that means the difference between life and death - or
insanity/incarceration; between happiness and misery; between isolation and
a sense of unity.
Results? What we experience is very individual, so we try not to "set
ourselves up" with a list of expectations. Generally, the "giver" feels a
very strong sense of relief and the "hearer" feels tired and spiritually
energized at the same time. Please remember, there's no such thing as a BAD
Fifth Step for either party if this is approached from a Spiritual
Perspective. We remind ourselves that this is a very individual experience.
Specific results for those hearing 5th Steps are: a sense of belonging, a
spiritual reminder that we are more alike than different, and a deeper sense
of commitment, understanding and effectiveness. Prejudice becomes
transformed into compassion, and the power of "shared suffering" cuts
through resentment with ease. This can be a landmark on the road to
spiritual humility; by placing ourselves in God's hands we begin to truly
experience "freedom from the bondage of self."
It's about Spirituality .
It's about Brotherly Love.
It's about Compassion.
It's about Understanding.
It's about Love.
It's about the 'magic' of one alcoholic with Another Alcoholic.
It's about Forgiveness.
It's about God.
It's about the preparation to be of Service to others and like the rest of
the "instructions: "Just do it! Just hear it! It is "an experience you
must not miss!"
"Men's Step Application Group", www.msag.org)
bluidkiti
Administrator
Age: 44
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 7079
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:07 am Post subject: Hearing 5th Steps
HEARING 5th STEPS
Big Book - Chapter Seven - "Working With Others" (page 96): "Suppose you
are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he
is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.
Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.
Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his
story ..."
We find reference to doing the Third Step with your new man and offering to
hear his Fifth Step. All the references in Chapter 6 to doing it with non
alcoholics are there because there was no Fellowship - the book was for
"mail order" sobriety; it was hoping you, the reader, would begin to "create
the Fellowship you crave."
In Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill writes on Step Five: "We shall
want to speak with someone who has not only stayed dry..." and "Until we
talked with complete candor of our inner conflicts, and had listened to
someone else do the same, we still didn't belong."
Here we find more information along the same lines, encouraging us to hear a
Fifth Step so we can "belong." It is our opinion that the "Step process" is
incomplete without hearing at least one Fifth Step. Little is written in
our "textbooks" on this, so we are sharing here a course of action that has
worked effectively for us.
In our view, to qualify, it helps to have done a 4th & 5th Step (&
preferably not stopped there!). We have met many who have avoided this
opportunity (responsibility) for Spiritual growth through fear, laziness or
disinterest. Another often used "reason" for not hearing a Fifth Step is
something like: "Well, I really don't know him that well." That can be
turned to an advantage in the fact that you can be even more objective,
which is defined as impartial, fair or unbiased. Of course, when this
process is done, you will know him (her) as a reflection of yourself! We
could write pages (maybe a book) on how we are "all cut from the same cloth"
and "tarred with the same brush." These are experiential conclusions that
will come after you have heard a Fifth Step.
We are doing more than just hearing. We believe that we are asking to be a
"channel" for God in this highly personal aspect of another person's
recovery. It is an attempt to get "ourselves out of the way" for as long as
it takes. We are not being asked to "play the role" of doctor, minister,
psychiatrist, judge or counselor. In fact, it's a good idea to qualify
ourselves out loud that we do not possess these qualifications. Merely one
alcoholic with another alcoholic attempting to get closer to God by doing
the Steps.
Praying for guidance and direction, we "set the stage" by taking the phone
off the hook or turning the ringer off. If there is a likelihood of knocks
on the door, leave a note asking not to be disturbed. Together, we pray to
have God join us, to bring about this "channel" state of consciousness. We
pray for our hearts and minds to be open, that we be given whatever is
necessary to accomplish our individual roles.
Ask if you may take notes. Ask if you may give "feedback." Most people are
pleased that we are willing to make more of an effort than "just listen."
Notes help us for several reasons; we don't have to keep trying to remember
stuff, which allows more of our undivided attention. We will, with no
seeming effort, often be able to detect patterns of behavior that "just seem
to appear" from these notes. Often certain words will "leap out" and form
the basis of a "Step 6 & 7 list." We make certain that they know the notes
will become their property as soon as we are done.
The "feedback?" If we are trying to be like a "conference call to God" then
just do what "feels" right. We gently share what has been "revealed" to us
in the hearing. It may seem prudent to ask: "Is there any last dirty
rotten little secret that you are withholding and will take you to the
grave?"
Moving toward "trusting God" is an experiential process. To quote a line
from the Big Book on page 63: "He provided what we needed if we kept close
to Him and performed His work well."
When done, we pray together in the Spirit of Thankfulness for this priceless
opportunity to clean house, "live out loud" for perhaps the first time in
our lives, and move another Step along the Path. Next, the questions on
page 75 of the Big Book "Returning home ..." are answered. (Again: the Big
Book was written for "mail order" sobriety - there was no Fellowship.)
At this point, we allow the "giver" of the 5th Step the opportunity to
decide if they would like to perform a "ceremonial burning" of the paperwork
(including notes but excluding Step 6 and 8 "lists"). If these have not
been organized, we let this be the opportunity to do so. Regardless of what
course is decided, we, as the hearers of Step 5, thank the "giver" for their
trust and dedication to action. We ask that we be called if "more is
revealed" and openly share in their exhilaration as the dark burdens are
lifted.
Time? Step 5 takes as long as is takes. We usually set aside the entire
day, so there is no haste to be "done" at any certain time. We do all that
we can to avoid rigidity and expectations. We trust God with the rest. If
we need to eat, we eat. If we need to rest, we rest. Sometimes it "feels
right" to take a break. We must remind ourselves often that this Step is a
process that means the difference between life and death - or
insanity/incarceration; between happiness and misery; between isolation and
a sense of unity.
Results? What we experience is very individual, so we try not to "set
ourselves up" with a list of expectations. Generally, the "giver" feels a
very strong sense of relief and the "hearer" feels tired and spiritually
energized at the same time. Please remember, there's no such thing as a BAD
Fifth Step for either party if this is approached from a Spiritual
Perspective. We remind ourselves that this is a very individual experience.
Specific results for those hearing 5th Steps are: a sense of belonging, a
spiritual reminder that we are more alike than different, and a deeper sense
of commitment, understanding and effectiveness. Prejudice becomes
transformed into compassion, and the power of "shared suffering" cuts
through resentment with ease. This can be a landmark on the road to
spiritual humility; by placing ourselves in God's hands we begin to truly
experience "freedom from the bondage of self."
It's about Spirituality .
It's about Brotherly Love.
It's about Compassion.
It's about Understanding.
It's about Love.
It's about the 'magic' of one alcoholic with Another Alcoholic.
It's about Forgiveness.
It's about God.
It's about the preparation to be of Service to others and like the rest of
the "instructions: "Just do it! Just hear it! It is "an experience you
must not miss!"
"Men's Step Application Group", www.msag.org)