ACOA - I Finally Realized the Life I was Living was not Normal!!

[Jack2466]

I haven't had many wake up calls in my life. As a Adult Child of an Alcoholic, i thought that my constant anxiety, depression and pessimism was "normal". It was only recently, at the age of 35, after the trauma of losing my Fiance due to my inability to commit, that I was forced to take stock of myself. I've come to realize that none of what I was experiencing in my life was "normal". My anxiety, my sadness, my distrust, my anger, my self-sabatoging behavior, my people pleasing, my avoidance of painful situations, my inability to let anyone in, are all a result of an abusive relationship with my alcoholic Father. Having known no other way in my life I couldn't accept the fact that I was a victim of abuse. It's like I was blind and now I can see. Part of me is sad, mourning the loss of my childhood, part of me is angry at my tormentor and part of me is hopeful that I can start over and get my life back. Having just read Gravitz and Bowden's "Recovery: A Guide to Adult Children of Alcoholics" (which I highly recommend to every ACOA), I now for the first time in my life see a ray of hope.

I'll be attending my first AL-ANON meeting on Tuesday. I'm nervous. Can anyone share with me their first experiences with AL-ANON. Can anyone give me any insight into the recovery process? Will I ever be "normal" again?

Thanks and God Bless. :D

Jack

[fibiray]

Hi there Jack thanks for sharing. I too came from an alcoholic home and have experienced the symptoms that you suffer from too. How we perceive things is quite different from others. There are not too many acoa meetings in my area that is why I suggested that one be opened up here on the forum, we can then have direct access to. My first experience with alanon was I must say a confusing one as I was an alcoholic who had been sober many years. Everyone seemed to relate well to me but I could not relate to them as they were trying to live with their alcoholic husbands / partners. I felt that I was coming from the opposite ends of the scale here. But then again I was still in denial about a lot of things too. I keep going back as I know that is where I belong and where there is a chance of me recovering from the trauma of my childhood which has had a more profound affect on me than alcohol itself.

Thats me.

[clean42day]

Hi jack welcome.....i really liked what you had to say:

It's like I was blind and now I can see. Part of me is sad, mourning the loss of my childhood, part of me is angry at my tormentor and part of me is hopeful that I can start over and get my life back.

This is the beginning of a life transformation process. it does not happen overnight. becomeing awake and aware is the first step out of denial. congratulations. gathering information is also part of the process....and yes ...there is something to look forward to. freedom from all these issues!we do recover our lives, develope new coping skills, and find a better happier way to live. The steps is what brings this process about.

light and love and good luck to you.

Gail

[Jack2466]

Thanks Gail for the words of encouragement. It's comforting to know that other people have been through what I've been through, can relate to my experience and have gone onto happier lives.

[miacally]

I haven't had many wake up calls in my life. As a Adult Child of an Alcoholic, i thought that my constant anxiety, depression and pessimism was "normal". It was only recently, at the age of 35, after the trauma of losing my Fiance due to my inability to commit, that I was forced to take stock of myself. I've come to realize that none of what I was experiencing in my life was "normal". My anxiety, my sadness, my distrust, my anger, my self-sabatoging behavior, my people pleasing, my avoidance of painful situations, my inability to let anyone in, are all a result of an abusive relationship with my alcoholic Father. Having known no other way in my life I couldn't accept the fact that I was a victim of abuse. It's like I was blind and now I can see. Part of me is sad, mourning the loss of my childhood, part of me is angry at my tormentor and part of me is hopeful that I can start over and get my life back. Having just read Gravitz and Bowden's "Recovery: A Guide to Adult Children of Alcoholics" (which I highly recommend to every ACOA), I now for the first time in my life see a ray of hope.

I'll be attending my first AL-ANON meeting on Tuesday. I'm nervous. Can anyone share with me their first experiences with AL-ANON. Can anyone give me any insight into the recovery process? Will I ever be "normal" again?

Thanks and God Bless. :D

Jack
hi i am new to this site.I am adult child of an alcoholic mother who also had mental heath issues.She still is an alcoholic i am now 31yrs and she is still effecting my life.Its nice to know there are other like me who might understand.

[blessed2be]

Thanks for posting. I am new here and on my way to heal myself before I screw up my own family! My childhood (or lack of it) mirrors your experience. I am going to my first al-anon meeting tonight. I hope to see some "first experience" posts as well. Thanks for sharing your tip on that book. I'll have to check it out.