Seven Principles for Living in Balance

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Seven Principles for Living in Balance
by Joel Levey and Michelle Levey
from Living in Balance


Principle No. 1 -- Attitude

Do you view the stressful changes of your daily life as a threat, or as a challenge and opportunity? People who are able to take change in stride and respond in a balanced way tend to hold a personally empowered and self-encouraging attitude. They have the confidence and trust that they can handle challenging situations and positively affect the course of their lives. They view change as an opportunity, not as a threat.

A reporter once asked Albert Einstein: "Dr. Einstein, if you could ask the universe a single question and receive a direct reply, what would you ask?" His reply came swiftly, as though he had pondered the question for a long time: "Is the universe friendly?" Pause for a moment to reflect on Einstein’s question. What do you think? How would you live if the universe were truly friendly and supportive of you?

Moment to moment, the attitudinal lenses that you choose to wear color your world for better or for worse. Experience the difference between being appreciative or being critical, or between viewing yourself as a victim or holding a more empowered attitude. Adopting an optimistic attitude toward the universe at large and the immediate challenges you face allows you to tap into a greater reservoir of creative energy potential that helps you maintain an even keel.

The first step is to recognize the attitude your are holding, and notice whether it diminished or enhances your energy and effectiveness. Then, without sacrificing realism, experiment with embodying a more positive outlook that will keep you buoyant and balanced on the sea of constant change.


Seven Principles for Living in Balance
Attitude
Accountability
Commitment
Supportive Relationships
Service
Personal Mastery
Faith

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Principle No. 2 -- Accountability

Folks who live generally in balance focus on what they can do and don’t lose energy spinning their wheels or getting tied up in knots over what is outside their control. At the same time, they hold a strongly accountable point of view, don’t avoid problems, and are willing to own the part they play in a situation.

To get a sense for this, draw three concentric circles on a piece of paper.

Label the inner circle "control" and in this circle write or think about all the things in your life that you have direct control over.
Next, label the second circle "influence." Here identify all the things in your life that don’t have total control over, but that your can influence by your actions.
Now, label the third and largest circle "appreciate" or "learn from." Within this circle, pause to note all the factors and forces in your life that are too large, complex, or distant for you to feel much of a sense of influence over. Many of these forces, such as the powerful realities of the weather, taxes, or organizational bureaucracy are beyond your direct control or even your influence. Yet many people exhaust themselves struggling against, worrying, or complaining about these large and unwieldy forces.
A wiser, more balanced approach is to focus attention on those aspects of our life, work, environment, and relationships that we can better learn from, influence, or even control, and to allow ourselves to better understand and appreciate the large mysterious forces that are too complex to feel much control over. Saint Francis expressed this balanced awareness in his prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

In our own work as coaches, facilitators, and trainers with individuals, teams, and organizations, we often remind people to focus on those factors that they can really get some leverage on. Understanding that we can’t cover the thorny earth with leather, we concentrate our efforts to make shoes. Realizing that the bureaucracy in our organizations is difficult to change, we mobilize people at a grass roots or team level, and identify ways that we can improve things in the department or area that we do have some control or influence over.

Adopting an "accountable" approach to change means being mindful of where we can expand our circle of control and our circle of influence. This also means being mindful of our often unconscious beliefs, assumptions, or attitudes regarding the larger forces in our lives and finding more balanced, learningful, or appreciative ways to relate to them. Remember, "when we are aware we have a choice." Holding an accountable point of view brings our life more into control and balance by focusing on where we can get leverage and where we can make a difference.

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Principle No. 3 -- Commitment

Balanced people live and work with a strong and clear sense of purpose. They view themselves as having a meaningful role to fulfill and hold a strong inner belief in its importance.

George Bernard Shaw exemplified the passion and spirit of this when he declared:

"This is the true joy in life … being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one … being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It’s sort of a splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."

Commitment brings balance by giving more focus and clarity of purpose to your life. It operates like a plumb line, helping you stay tuned to what has meaning and importance, increasing your energy and attention while reducing distraction. When you know what you are committed to, you’ll be better able to set and stick to priorities, to recognize and honor limits, and to live with integrity.

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Principle No. 4 -- Supportive Relationships

At the core of our being, we are social creatures who thrive on meaningful, caring, and affirming contact with others. Although finding a balance of personal time and social or family time is crucial, the importance of social contact for assuring life balance is a key element not to be overlooked.

One striking example of the importance of supportive relationships in our lives is the fact that health risk factors for a person who is lonely are far greater than for a person who smokes, drinks, eats a poor diet, and doesn’t get any exercise! The main point here is that people who have supportive networks of close relations and friends do much better in handling life’s stresses than those who feel alone, isolated, and unsupported.

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We all know how good we feel when we do something to help others. Each time we do, we tap the energy of love and compassion that is fundamental to life.

Highly change-resilient people view service as their true mission in life, and hold material wealth and success as secondary to helping others. They have a strong sense of belonging and understand the value of nurturing relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and community.

Many people have discovered that making time in their lives to be of service to others provides a quality of joy and satisfaction that is deeply renewing. We continue to learn more and more about balance by realizing that in serving the needs of others from a selfless place of caring and connectedness, many of our own deepest needs can also be fulfilled.

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Principle No. 6 -- Personal Mastery

People who understand the importance of personal development and who have cultivated a high degree of self-mastery are the ones most able to sail through challenging times with confident balance. They’ve learned to deeply listen and respond skillfully to the subtle whispers that warn them when they are drifting out of balance. As a result, they are more likely to eat when they are hungry, and to rest and renew themselves when they are tired. By recognizing and reducing the harmful accumulations of stress, they are able to live in a more balanced and more disease-resistant way.

In the process of developing the mindfulness necessary to recognize and master stress, we can also deepen our mind-body-spirit connection as a whole. This allows us to gain the inner strength and understanding necessary to meet every situation in a more balanced, centered way.

One sign of effective personal energy management is that people are able to maintain optimal energy levels throughout the day without dependence upon the use of such stimulants as caffeine, sugar, and nicotine. Although stimulants appear to offer us free energy, they actually drive the system out of balance at our expense. As a result, the body has to expend more energy to restore the imbalance caused by them.

Instead of relying on counterproductive stimulants, "balance masters" choose options such as frequent exercise and practicing self-renewing and revitalizing skills that prevent the accumulation of stress, and bring a higher degree of self-confidence, self-control, self-acceptance, and self-respect. Like skills in any domain, such personal skills are developed gradually over time through discipline, practice, coaching, and proper instruction.

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Principle No. 7 -- Faith

A spiritual outlook toward life is common among people who live in balance. Holding a spiritual frame of reference or reverence develops our faith, confidence, and trust, and reduces the intensity of toxic, worrisome emotions and destructive behaviors. People with a deep spiritual perspective often say that it is their faith that helps them to see their lives within a larger perspective and gives them a sense of belonging to a greater whole.

For many, their spirituality is anchored in fellowship, community, and worship associated with their church, synagogue, temple, mosque, or meditation group. For others, the spiritual grounding of their lives may be found in communion with nature, or through their love for family and friends, or through service to others.

Faith allows us to reach out and take refuge in our connectedness to a larger, deeper reality and Source than our tiny personal selves. By remembering to open our hearts and minds to affirm the link in spirit between our personal identities and our universal nature, we shift the center of gravity in our lives more toward authentic balance.