luvmyhubby
09-06-2006, 01:07 AM
i am not sure if i am in the right place.....
i am not sure what to do about my husband. we have been together 6 years and have a total of 6 children. he has a 9 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl who live with their mothers. my 4 live with us- my 11 yr old daughter, my boy/girl 7yr old twins(result of a 1 nt stand that my husband has raised since they were 1 and think he is their birth father) and our 4 yr old girl. when we were first dating he had various addictions. iwas never really into that kind of thing and didnt know the signs. i thought he was just being irresponsible and immature and didnt love my as much as i loved him. 9 months into our relationship it came to a head. after months of staying out all night and spending too much money, he disappeared on me. come to find out he had a problem. he refused to go to any kind of counseling, but was able to quit 2 drugs(coke and e) he got a good job and we have been together 5+ years since then. it hasnt always been easy and he thinks its ok to drink and smoke as long as he doesnt do the other stuff. we have had constant battles over the years in reference to this. from the research i have done, it seems this leads right back to the addiction. we have had various arguments because he has "snuck" to the bar and lied to me. sometimes he comes home at night, sometimes til not the next am. last christmas he went out after work the night we were to decorate the tree and noone saw or heard from him til 9am the next morning( he was due into work at 7am). my kids were hurt and wrote him letters telling them how much this hurt them. he admitted he has a drinking problem at that point. he promised- as he has many times before not to do it again. we were married this past may. he stayed away from the bars until then- and things were great. he coached our sons baseball team, we planned a wedding and went to vegas. shortly after the wedding i found out that he went out with his brother for a bachelor party the night before we got married while he and our 2 boys were supposed to be spending the night at his dads house. he told my son and stepson not to tell me. he stayed out til 830 in the morning- states he was at a 24hr pool hall shooting pool. since then, in july he told me he was going to a batting cage w/ a friend after work but when i went there looking for him since he wouldnt answer the cell phone, he wasnt there. he came home about 9pm and said he went for happy hour and he lost track of time. he wouldnt answer the phone because he knew i would be mad. a couple weeks ago he went to our local nfl teams home game w/ his brother and i didnt mind that he was going to the game but i argued with him because i knew he was going to go to the bar afterwards. he swore he wasnt. 2 hrs after the game was over i called him and he was dropping his brother off and he would be home. 2.5 hrs later he finally came home- after turning off the cell again. last monday after coming back from our childrens football and cheerleading practice he told me he needed to go to a friend from works house to help fix the washing machine hookup and left at 9p. i went to sleep and awoke at 1am to find him still not home. i calle dthe cell for half an hour and he finally called me back, said he was almost home. he came home at 2am and i was mad, as was to be expected. he said he left his cigarettes in the car and left for 2 more hours- again turning the cell phone off. when he did come back home at 3am he said he did that because he knew we would be up all night arguing. friday afternoon he called and said he was on his way home and his boss called him back in to do an emergency job and he was going to stop home and use the bathroom and go back to work. not unusual w/ his job to get called in on an emergency, but something was telling me it wasnt right. i told him i thought he was going to the bar for happy hour. he denied it and we talked a coulpe more times with him continueing on the charade about working. i waited until 9pm until i called again. i called continuously all night long. he would turn the phone off and back on but never answer. at 615am he calls me and says" why did you stop calling?" i told him i was done . he said fine and hung up. i know he went to his dads house and stayed there all day. i know he went that night (saturday) out to the bar w/ his brother and sister in law. he went back to his dads sometime after 3am and was there until monday at4pm. we talked a couple times and i refused to give in and say it is ok for him to EVER go to the bar. the children are very upset. my 4 yr old daughter waited 8 hrs at the front door yesterday because he called at 3:20 and said he was on his way to get his stuff and see them and never showed. i know that he went to work today and i know he is at the bar right now- do not know where he stayed last night or will stay tonight. what concerns me is that i found out today that while out at a bar on saturday night before he met up w/ his brother he was doing coke and "not acting like a married man". iam devestated. i miss my husband. i love my husband. i dont know what to do. somehow he slipped back into the druggie party boy. please help me figure out how to handle this. my children will not have a drug addict for a father. i will not allow them to be hurt by his broken promises again. how do i handle this? i still want to be with him, but not on those terms.
i am not sure what to do about my husband. we have been together 6 years and have a total of 6 children. he has a 9 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl who live with their mothers. my 4 live with us- my 11 yr old daughter, my boy/girl 7yr old twins(result of a 1 nt stand that my husband has raised since they were 1 and think he is their birth father) and our 4 yr old girl. when we were first dating he had various addictions. iwas never really into that kind of thing and didnt know the signs. i thought he was just being irresponsible and immature and didnt love my as much as i loved him. 9 months into our relationship it came to a head. after months of staying out all night and spending too much money, he disappeared on me. come to find out he had a problem. he refused to go to any kind of counseling, but was able to quit 2 drugs(coke and e) he got a good job and we have been together 5+ years since then. it hasnt always been easy and he thinks its ok to drink and smoke as long as he doesnt do the other stuff. we have had constant battles over the years in reference to this. from the research i have done, it seems this leads right back to the addiction. we have had various arguments because he has "snuck" to the bar and lied to me. sometimes he comes home at night, sometimes til not the next am. last christmas he went out after work the night we were to decorate the tree and noone saw or heard from him til 9am the next morning( he was due into work at 7am). my kids were hurt and wrote him letters telling them how much this hurt them. he admitted he has a drinking problem at that point. he promised- as he has many times before not to do it again. we were married this past may. he stayed away from the bars until then- and things were great. he coached our sons baseball team, we planned a wedding and went to vegas. shortly after the wedding i found out that he went out with his brother for a bachelor party the night before we got married while he and our 2 boys were supposed to be spending the night at his dads house. he told my son and stepson not to tell me. he stayed out til 830 in the morning- states he was at a 24hr pool hall shooting pool. since then, in july he told me he was going to a batting cage w/ a friend after work but when i went there looking for him since he wouldnt answer the cell phone, he wasnt there. he came home about 9pm and said he went for happy hour and he lost track of time. he wouldnt answer the phone because he knew i would be mad. a couple weeks ago he went to our local nfl teams home game w/ his brother and i didnt mind that he was going to the game but i argued with him because i knew he was going to go to the bar afterwards. he swore he wasnt. 2 hrs after the game was over i called him and he was dropping his brother off and he would be home. 2.5 hrs later he finally came home- after turning off the cell again. last monday after coming back from our childrens football and cheerleading practice he told me he needed to go to a friend from works house to help fix the washing machine hookup and left at 9p. i went to sleep and awoke at 1am to find him still not home. i calle dthe cell for half an hour and he finally called me back, said he was almost home. he came home at 2am and i was mad, as was to be expected. he said he left his cigarettes in the car and left for 2 more hours- again turning the cell phone off. when he did come back home at 3am he said he did that because he knew we would be up all night arguing. friday afternoon he called and said he was on his way home and his boss called him back in to do an emergency job and he was going to stop home and use the bathroom and go back to work. not unusual w/ his job to get called in on an emergency, but something was telling me it wasnt right. i told him i thought he was going to the bar for happy hour. he denied it and we talked a coulpe more times with him continueing on the charade about working. i waited until 9pm until i called again. i called continuously all night long. he would turn the phone off and back on but never answer. at 615am he calls me and says" why did you stop calling?" i told him i was done . he said fine and hung up. i know he went to his dads house and stayed there all day. i know he went that night (saturday) out to the bar w/ his brother and sister in law. he went back to his dads sometime after 3am and was there until monday at4pm. we talked a couple times and i refused to give in and say it is ok for him to EVER go to the bar. the children are very upset. my 4 yr old daughter waited 8 hrs at the front door yesterday because he called at 3:20 and said he was on his way to get his stuff and see them and never showed. i know that he went to work today and i know he is at the bar right now- do not know where he stayed last night or will stay tonight. what concerns me is that i found out today that while out at a bar on saturday night before he met up w/ his brother he was doing coke and "not acting like a married man". iam devestated. i miss my husband. i love my husband. i dont know what to do. somehow he slipped back into the druggie party boy. please help me figure out how to handle this. my children will not have a drug addict for a father. i will not allow them to be hurt by his broken promises again. how do i handle this? i still want to be with him, but not on those terms.