One Addict's Experience with Faith, [Archive] - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

river

08-03-2006, 11:23 AM

good moringin jan bear taking a look at myself throug the steps (one i am on) my sponsor is taking me thouroughly through these steps and today i found my temper towards the feeling of being confronted by another and not being able to give my thoughts without them coming back to me with their views of how they think i am..I thought I was willing and open i have shown my honesty through all i been dealing with and to be told i was unwilling made me wonder what i was doing wrong...I done everything they asked of me and really looked inside of myself , because i asked what the purpose of these ass. where and then when reporting the ass. i didnt want to mention the names i had written down , they came to the conclusrion i was not willing tjo be worked with because i was questioning,,, so my temper flared all because i was not just accepting of what they wanted not waiting patiently on the rewards of this work i had no controll, and working on my step work this mornig i came to an awareness that as long as i hold onto what i cant controll what i am powerlessness to it then becomes a dillema in my daily living i feel so intuned to the posts or threads i have read this morning i feel as the day goes on i am moving further away from the helplessness i felt yesterday ,, almost giving up, and askin g to do my jail term.. i felt degraded yesterday, and humiliated, today i feel God has intended that punch for me because He knows how desperate i am for a cleaner spirit and better relationships with people, He is making room for Himself to come into me with the spiritual malody i have , sometimes i go into a hoplessness mode and God cant even get in..... I am glad i go through this weakness fo mine for then i come out stronger and wiser God Bless you river