janbear
09-15-2006, 12:26 PM
Acceptance, Education and Redemption
By Darren Fleeger
The following article is about recovery from mental illness. My comments come out of my personal experiences as someone whose life has been altered as a result of having a psychiatric diagnosis. Please bear in mind that my story is but one of thousands within Western New York and millions nationally.
Some people dislike the term "mentally ill" and use other words. This is fine. We can argue forever about the cause and meaning of mental health: nature versus nurture or biological versus sociological. For some the choice of words is more important than the reality behind them. The existence of people who find themselves in emotional or mental distress cannot be denied. No human being actually seeks out mental illness (or whatever you wish to call it) as an identity. The process of separation from where you wish to be and where you find yourself is a complex and individualized one. True definition of our lives can only come from within. Meaning is self-created. The only true prison is the prison of self.
Recovery for each person is unique. We may share the same diagnosis. We may even be from the same family. Recovery is measured by our own dreams and inner potential. Each of us is blessed with gifts and talents we can call upon to help us navigate through our lives. Some people may have suffered a great deal more than others. Treatment may mean many hospitalizations or none at all. Recovery may require years of trial and error to find the most effective combinations of medications. Or it may happen on the first try. Some of us have been disabled by mental health problems from the start of our lives. The mental health "system" is the only constant - apart from symptoms - we have ever known. Change can be very frightening under these circumstances.
Others with mental illness may have lived with it undetected or survived its germination only to have problems appear later on in life. Some of us can function at a different level. This does not mean a superior one; rather it implies doors that may have been open for us but not for others. No matter what the intensity level is, mental illness can be devastating if left untreated.
A person who has been hospitalized many times in his life may still be able to function enough to raise a family, yet miss out on education or employment opportunities. Others who appear articulate and well-educated can function on a more limited emotional basis, yet experience vocational success when they are able to cope with the symptoms of their illnesses.
Appearances can be deceiving. We must not fall into the widespread usage of generalizations when dealing with people. Each person must be seen as a unique individual. Potential for one person may mean opening a checking account and moving into a supportive apartment setting. For others our potential is best expressed when we return to a level of vocational success that existed before mental illness completely overwhelmed us. Each dream we realize is a victory no better than any other. All should be celebrated equally.
For each person the first step on the road to recovery is acceptance. It is from this point that everything else flows. I didn't want to have a mental illness, yet in a strange way I welcomed the diagnosis when it came as a confirmation of what I had felt inside since my childhood. It was a tremendous relief to know this black cloud in my life was not self-induced or a sign of a flaw in my character. Rather it represented a pathology or malfunction within my brain. With this knowledge in hand, I had to re-write my personal history. My chronic sadness, my introverted nature, and all the symptoms of my illness were no longer character weaknesses. Now there was an explanation. My behavior had a reference point. I could now accept the illness and grant myself the forgiveness I had withheld for so very long.
Acceptance is the most important step in recovery because it encompasses our innermost being. Unfortunately we live in a society where great stigma still surrounds mental health. It is like being in a car accident. Everyone knows they happen. Perhaps a friend or family member has been in one. We ourselves might have been in an accident. None of us plans on this happening. Until we experience it first-hand we never expect it to occur in our lives. Our personal sense of invulnerability hides the truth. It is no different with mental illness. Everyone knows someone whose life has been changed by it, but we never actually expect it to happen to us. Without acceptance we cannot move on in recovery, Without acceptance many people go untreated. For some this is due to fear, for others it comes from our mistaken sense of invulnerability. It may even be denial. Once we accept our illness for what it is we can take the next step in recovery which is education.
I strongly recommend anyone dealing with mental illness learn all he can. Go to the library. Surf the Internet. Attend self-help groups. Talk to professionals. The more you know about your own particular illness the better off you’re likely to be. At times I have come across people who don't know what their diagnosis is, even though they have been in treatment for years. I've even heard of professionals who wouldn't tell a consumer what their diagnosis was out of a fear he might suddenly develop new symptoms once he learns about his illness. This is most unfortunate as it slows the recovery process. I feel education only improves the chances for our recovery. Knowledge is never meant to take the place of professional advice. In fact, without professional help, wisdom is useless. Education empowers us and gives us a new vocabulary and foundation to build our recovery upon.
Under the educational stage of recovery comes a very important and misunderstood element: self-help. Self-help is not meant to take the place of professional assistance, as some may feel. In fact, they complement each other. Women have often told me that the process of childbirth is a beautiful, yet often painful experience. As a man I can only go by what I am told. I cannot gain first-hand knowledge of childbirth because I am biologically incapable. A man may be an excellent and compassionate obstetrician, but he cannot impart the knowledge possessed by someone who has given birth to a new life. His viewpoint is limited by his experiences. That’s the real beauty in self-help: talking to others who have walked the same path. You quickly learn you are not alone in your suffering. Communication decreases the isolation that accompanies mental illness. By discovering others with comparable experiences you begin to learn even more. Education increases acceptance because it reinforces the idea you did not make this illness up. It is not something you chose to have in your life. You are not alone.
Once we accept our mental illness and begin the process of education, it is entirely up to us what happens next. I hesitate to use the word victim here became it implies a lack of power. I cannot completely buy into the idea of victimization in mental illness because although we did not initiate the disorder, we certainly can make choices affecting our recovery. If we are victims of our mental health, it is because we choose to be. Yes, something may be wrong with your brain chemistry. Or you may have undergone many traumatic events in your life. The "system" may have screwed you over. In that sense, the past tense, we were momentarily victims. Life is full of pain and suffering. To some extent, we each have things in our lives we would prefer not to endure. Mental illness is no different. We are ultimately shaped by adversity and our responses to it. Now we can define ourselves as we choose. The step from victim to victor is self-actuated.
The final step in recovery is redemption. This is often the most difficult. When we accept our illness we take the first step by seeking help. Education gives us the tools to cope with our illness during treatment. Redemption is the point in recovery where we save ourselves. I don't mean redemption in the spiritual sense, although for many people this can be a great help. I refer instead to the pieces of our lives and what we build out of them. We cannot change the fact of our mental illness. It first appeared in the past. Our actions and attitudes in the present time shape our future.
Redemption is a journey of self-discovery. What we have learned about ourselves? Who are we? Where does the mental illness end and the person begin? When our lives are interrupted by illness we should use the time wisely. Instead of feeling cheated, victimized, or helpless, use the moment to chart your course for the future. During the process of treatment we must all face ourselves. There will be some unpleasant moments as well as happy ones. It is only when we confront our true selves that recovery becomes redemption.
OK ...so you have a mental illness. What are you going to do about it? Ours is an eternal struggle for perfection, one that ultimately falls short of the mark. There's always something we can do better in our lives, some room for improvement. We may not recognize it, but each of us is a valuable part of the larger community. Our withdrawal from the world around us diminishes everyone and everything to a certain degree.
We begin the final step in recovery when we put the pieces of our shattered lives back together. It is not possible to rebuild our lives exactly as before because so much has changed. Recovery can be very intimidating. It is hard to take risks once again. Fear is the greatest obstacle in our path. We remember how mental illness changed our lives. It is only natural to cling to the familiar, even if it is negative. Courage is required to overcome the self-doubt so pervasive in our day-to-day lives.
Redemption succeeds when we dare to venture out into humanity once again. Occasional failure is a very real possibility. Without it, success is meaningless. We will fall down. We just need to forgive ourselves and try again. Victory can be claimed when our illness ceases to control our lives. It may always be with us. With treatment, acceptance, education, and redemption, its power over us will diminish.
I encourage everyone in recovery to empower himself and take ownership of his destiny. I urge professionals to see each of us as an individual with a unique story. In a perfect world there would be no such thing as mental illness. Unfortunately reality is quite different. Perhaps if each of us dreams of the day when mental illness is no longer stigmatized, our hopes and prayers will come true. Honor those among us who are silent heroes over adversity. Their victories may seen insignificant until you've seen how for we’ve come.
I
By Darren Fleeger
The following article is about recovery from mental illness. My comments come out of my personal experiences as someone whose life has been altered as a result of having a psychiatric diagnosis. Please bear in mind that my story is but one of thousands within Western New York and millions nationally.
Some people dislike the term "mentally ill" and use other words. This is fine. We can argue forever about the cause and meaning of mental health: nature versus nurture or biological versus sociological. For some the choice of words is more important than the reality behind them. The existence of people who find themselves in emotional or mental distress cannot be denied. No human being actually seeks out mental illness (or whatever you wish to call it) as an identity. The process of separation from where you wish to be and where you find yourself is a complex and individualized one. True definition of our lives can only come from within. Meaning is self-created. The only true prison is the prison of self.
Recovery for each person is unique. We may share the same diagnosis. We may even be from the same family. Recovery is measured by our own dreams and inner potential. Each of us is blessed with gifts and talents we can call upon to help us navigate through our lives. Some people may have suffered a great deal more than others. Treatment may mean many hospitalizations or none at all. Recovery may require years of trial and error to find the most effective combinations of medications. Or it may happen on the first try. Some of us have been disabled by mental health problems from the start of our lives. The mental health "system" is the only constant - apart from symptoms - we have ever known. Change can be very frightening under these circumstances.
Others with mental illness may have lived with it undetected or survived its germination only to have problems appear later on in life. Some of us can function at a different level. This does not mean a superior one; rather it implies doors that may have been open for us but not for others. No matter what the intensity level is, mental illness can be devastating if left untreated.
A person who has been hospitalized many times in his life may still be able to function enough to raise a family, yet miss out on education or employment opportunities. Others who appear articulate and well-educated can function on a more limited emotional basis, yet experience vocational success when they are able to cope with the symptoms of their illnesses.
Appearances can be deceiving. We must not fall into the widespread usage of generalizations when dealing with people. Each person must be seen as a unique individual. Potential for one person may mean opening a checking account and moving into a supportive apartment setting. For others our potential is best expressed when we return to a level of vocational success that existed before mental illness completely overwhelmed us. Each dream we realize is a victory no better than any other. All should be celebrated equally.
For each person the first step on the road to recovery is acceptance. It is from this point that everything else flows. I didn't want to have a mental illness, yet in a strange way I welcomed the diagnosis when it came as a confirmation of what I had felt inside since my childhood. It was a tremendous relief to know this black cloud in my life was not self-induced or a sign of a flaw in my character. Rather it represented a pathology or malfunction within my brain. With this knowledge in hand, I had to re-write my personal history. My chronic sadness, my introverted nature, and all the symptoms of my illness were no longer character weaknesses. Now there was an explanation. My behavior had a reference point. I could now accept the illness and grant myself the forgiveness I had withheld for so very long.
Acceptance is the most important step in recovery because it encompasses our innermost being. Unfortunately we live in a society where great stigma still surrounds mental health. It is like being in a car accident. Everyone knows they happen. Perhaps a friend or family member has been in one. We ourselves might have been in an accident. None of us plans on this happening. Until we experience it first-hand we never expect it to occur in our lives. Our personal sense of invulnerability hides the truth. It is no different with mental illness. Everyone knows someone whose life has been changed by it, but we never actually expect it to happen to us. Without acceptance we cannot move on in recovery, Without acceptance many people go untreated. For some this is due to fear, for others it comes from our mistaken sense of invulnerability. It may even be denial. Once we accept our illness for what it is we can take the next step in recovery which is education.
I strongly recommend anyone dealing with mental illness learn all he can. Go to the library. Surf the Internet. Attend self-help groups. Talk to professionals. The more you know about your own particular illness the better off you’re likely to be. At times I have come across people who don't know what their diagnosis is, even though they have been in treatment for years. I've even heard of professionals who wouldn't tell a consumer what their diagnosis was out of a fear he might suddenly develop new symptoms once he learns about his illness. This is most unfortunate as it slows the recovery process. I feel education only improves the chances for our recovery. Knowledge is never meant to take the place of professional advice. In fact, without professional help, wisdom is useless. Education empowers us and gives us a new vocabulary and foundation to build our recovery upon.
Under the educational stage of recovery comes a very important and misunderstood element: self-help. Self-help is not meant to take the place of professional assistance, as some may feel. In fact, they complement each other. Women have often told me that the process of childbirth is a beautiful, yet often painful experience. As a man I can only go by what I am told. I cannot gain first-hand knowledge of childbirth because I am biologically incapable. A man may be an excellent and compassionate obstetrician, but he cannot impart the knowledge possessed by someone who has given birth to a new life. His viewpoint is limited by his experiences. That’s the real beauty in self-help: talking to others who have walked the same path. You quickly learn you are not alone in your suffering. Communication decreases the isolation that accompanies mental illness. By discovering others with comparable experiences you begin to learn even more. Education increases acceptance because it reinforces the idea you did not make this illness up. It is not something you chose to have in your life. You are not alone.
Once we accept our mental illness and begin the process of education, it is entirely up to us what happens next. I hesitate to use the word victim here became it implies a lack of power. I cannot completely buy into the idea of victimization in mental illness because although we did not initiate the disorder, we certainly can make choices affecting our recovery. If we are victims of our mental health, it is because we choose to be. Yes, something may be wrong with your brain chemistry. Or you may have undergone many traumatic events in your life. The "system" may have screwed you over. In that sense, the past tense, we were momentarily victims. Life is full of pain and suffering. To some extent, we each have things in our lives we would prefer not to endure. Mental illness is no different. We are ultimately shaped by adversity and our responses to it. Now we can define ourselves as we choose. The step from victim to victor is self-actuated.
The final step in recovery is redemption. This is often the most difficult. When we accept our illness we take the first step by seeking help. Education gives us the tools to cope with our illness during treatment. Redemption is the point in recovery where we save ourselves. I don't mean redemption in the spiritual sense, although for many people this can be a great help. I refer instead to the pieces of our lives and what we build out of them. We cannot change the fact of our mental illness. It first appeared in the past. Our actions and attitudes in the present time shape our future.
Redemption is a journey of self-discovery. What we have learned about ourselves? Who are we? Where does the mental illness end and the person begin? When our lives are interrupted by illness we should use the time wisely. Instead of feeling cheated, victimized, or helpless, use the moment to chart your course for the future. During the process of treatment we must all face ourselves. There will be some unpleasant moments as well as happy ones. It is only when we confront our true selves that recovery becomes redemption.
OK ...so you have a mental illness. What are you going to do about it? Ours is an eternal struggle for perfection, one that ultimately falls short of the mark. There's always something we can do better in our lives, some room for improvement. We may not recognize it, but each of us is a valuable part of the larger community. Our withdrawal from the world around us diminishes everyone and everything to a certain degree.
We begin the final step in recovery when we put the pieces of our shattered lives back together. It is not possible to rebuild our lives exactly as before because so much has changed. Recovery can be very intimidating. It is hard to take risks once again. Fear is the greatest obstacle in our path. We remember how mental illness changed our lives. It is only natural to cling to the familiar, even if it is negative. Courage is required to overcome the self-doubt so pervasive in our day-to-day lives.
Redemption succeeds when we dare to venture out into humanity once again. Occasional failure is a very real possibility. Without it, success is meaningless. We will fall down. We just need to forgive ourselves and try again. Victory can be claimed when our illness ceases to control our lives. It may always be with us. With treatment, acceptance, education, and redemption, its power over us will diminish.
I encourage everyone in recovery to empower himself and take ownership of his destiny. I urge professionals to see each of us as an individual with a unique story. In a perfect world there would be no such thing as mental illness. Unfortunately reality is quite different. Perhaps if each of us dreams of the day when mental illness is no longer stigmatized, our hopes and prayers will come true. Honor those among us who are silent heroes over adversity. Their victories may seen insignificant until you've seen how for we’ve come.
I