Effort and Risk - Step 9 [Archive] - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

janbear

09-17-2006, 03:28 PM

"Resistance causes pain and lethargy. It is when we practice acceptance that new possibilities appear." Anonymous

We know that Step Nine entails both effort and risk.
Effort is required because we must get into action. We must think about how to approach the person(s) to whom we wish to make amends. It's essential to plan our procedure thoughtfully, for we cannot achieve a satisfactory result with a hit-and-run encounter. For this reason, we need to arrange a place and time where we can honestly face those persons and explain to them what we're trying to do and why.
Step Nine also involves risk because it's conceivable that the hurt or harm we've done the people on our list is so grave that they cannot be forgiving. In fact, they may be downright uncivil to us.
It may feel unproductive to approach someone we suspect will make us feel guiltier than ever. And yet, taking this step offers us an opportunity to really get in touch with our deepest levels of honesty. If we're positive that, at our current stage of recovery, this encounter might work strongly to our disadvantage, then perhaps we can delay it until we feel we've reached a degree of self-acceptance that allows us to be totally candid with everyone.
Remember, we're not expecting a happy ending to all our encounters. But we are anxious to fulfill the task of taking care of our own responsibilites.

-Step by Step

flickchic

09-28-2006, 07:26 PM

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
taking care of the inner child is an on going process for some of us. And thats how i best make amends to her today in recovery from the abuse, is to honor her.

(((((((((Frannie)))))))), I understand the importance of Step 9, as with all the other steps; "For me" making direct amends to my wounded child is just as important as it is to make amends to others. We are segregated people until we come to love and accept ourselves as a whole person; the wounded child, the adult child and the authentic child. "my" understanding is that all of the abuse I endured and allowed myself to endure as the adult child further harmed my wounded child;
because of my feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness in allowing further abuse I was giving my w/child the message that she deserved nothing more. That she wasn't loved and cared about. I denied her the healing she deserves. I was "validating" everything bad that she had come to believe of herself, therefore I was "harming her" over and over again.

One of the greatest gifts I have given myself has been to ask forgiveness of the wounded child within; particualry forgiveness for not "hearing her pain"; when she has been crying at me to hear her I denied her. There are particular ages of self that I have actually hated, hated that part of me, hated her behaviour, the promiscuous teenager is the one whom I have had the most problems with; conciously and sub conciously I rejected her, to me she was dirty, filty, basically a wh@@@(excuse my bluntness pls) the younger part of me I also felt was very dirty and unloveable, it was the message I was given by those whom abused me and it "was" the message I continued to give myself. For many many years (and I am sure others will understand this) I blamed everyone else for the ugliness within, however much of it "I" the adult child served upon myself and in doing so was telling my w/child that she deserved everything that I heaped upon her.......When I began to take responsibility for my own actions I began to "see" what I had been doing to her, the wounded one.

"I" do not believe that we can ever really begin to heal our w/child until we have begun to make amends to her, and she certainly deserves nothing less than our asking for forgiveness from her. Yes, we do need to honour her, to "champion her" for she did not deserve the abuse she endured. In asking her forgiveness, learning to accept her and treasure her for the beautiful one that she really is, we can also learn to forgive ourselves for the harm we did to her. By making amends to our wounded child we are able to "peel off" further layers of the onion to working towards returning to our authentic child, our core, the true self, the delightful inner being that we all are. We can return home, become more and more trusting, accepting and loving of ourselves, which then enables us to be more and more giving and loving to others......
My spiritual guide, John, and I were sharing yesterday re championing our wounded children and the fullness we can feel when we are healing in our hearts, the fullness we can recieve from God, accepting that we are worthy and deserving of His love and care.
Frannie my dear friend I pray from my heart that you are able to be forgiving of self to return home more and more often to your authentic self, to know and accept that you are so deserving of His loving Grace.:195: For me the miracle and blessing is in "accepting" not "just knowing" that I am deserving of His loving Grace. I've known for some time that I deserved better than what I was recieving from self and others, but truly accepting that is allowing me to accept and trust that I am truly loved and cared for by Our Heavenly Father.:D

thankyou for letting me share, for in doing so I feel my heart open further and Frannie I wish I could could you a great big hug right now, I love you.:65: :209: