The Triangle of Self Obsession

[janbear]

http://www.na.org/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3112.pdf

[dalin]

another awesome writing by greg p

[river]

thanks dalin i am starting my fourth step making resentment list. this is so on time for me river

[earthespresso]

This is probably a stupid question but what exactly is the difference between anger and resentments? For me they have always gone hand in hand and led to pretty much the same results..... I asked my sponsor and was told to "ask other addicts".

[dalin]

anger is a feeling.resentment is putting that feeling into action.
say anger makes me feel mad.resentment is what happens when i stick a fork in my girlfreinds neck.acting out on the resentment.

[free2bunme]

to me, anger is the initial reaction that i feel when something does not go as i want it to or expect it to. resentment is when i hold on to that anger, let it grow inside my head, replay it over and over again, rather than just letting it go. anger is unavoidable. resentments are not.

[dalin]

i agree

[dalin]

hey i have killer na freinds in smyrna.
not to far from you.john m.and bo s.
i live there one month a year.

[christopher_alcoholic]

For me anger is an emotion, it is the way I experience the world when I am not using. It is the pain of my present experience blasted all over anyone in the way. Anger is the absence of coping skills in my life that I used substances to cover up. Resentment is also part feeling, but also based in my diseased thought processes - I was angry and now I have angry thoughts - over and over and over and over - sometimes these thoughts become actions and change the way I act in life - this is the core of my resentment process. My anger is about hating you because I felt bad - resent ment is about hating you and me because neither of us could make me feel better. Thank God the "you" in my life today are people in the program who can show me the way to love, acceptance, and faith. Thanks and I'll pass. ;)

[Doraine]

:67: Christopher! Nice to meet you.

[flickchic]

:66: Christopher and :77: to CRF

:94:

I'm Felicity, clean d.addict and grateful recovering alcoholic. For me anger is the emotion;:44: resentment is the thought process; over and over, holding onto feelings of ill will against another when I feel they have wronged me. I do still sometimes have emotions of anger, resentment is something I have been trying very hard not to have anymore; "resentment is acid" it eats away at us and makes us think and behave in very "ugly ways".:8: :frown:

Look forward to hearing more from you Christopher, hope you enjoy your journey with us.:1: :1:

[flickchic]

"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." Nelson Mandela

[stand4something]

One of me fav IP's Made the most sence to me as a newcomer, grrrr, I still need help coming up with some recovery games....

[dalin]

OK

[admin]

Hey stand4something, I gave a few suggestions in your post here: http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=9195

[Lee C]

this is my favorite IP. I always get something from it when I read it. That is actually one of the first ones read when I first go into recovery, and boy I related so much.

[dalin]

awesome deal!
I will post a link about the man that wrote it later here.

[George935]

Good discussion on the triangle, one of our most powerful I.P.s in my opinion!
On the back of the I.P. is differentiates resentment from anger by showing how resentment is reacting to the past, and anger is reacting to the present. Also, fear is the result of thinking about the future negatively. The positive replacements of resentment, anger, and fear are acceptance, love, and faith, respectively.

By the way I am an addict from Fargo, North Dakota and I just joined the forum!
Looking forward to chat with people!

[Scooter addict]

Exactly what George said. The biggest difference between anger and resentment is the tense. I love this piece of literature and have been learning something new from it for over 20 years.

When I remember to keep it as simple as having a choice of a positive or negative manner of dealing with my past, present, and future, it sure beats trying to sort through all the committees bs, trying to figure what caused my discomfort. (Knowing, who what or where to blame never resolved a thing for me)

I used to whine to my sponsor about not being able to see when I was "caught in the grips" unti I had added to my ammends list. A few weeks later we were at a meeting and reading the triangle and it leapt out at me.

Resentment, anger, and fear make up the triangle of self-obsession. All of our defects of character are forms of these three reactions.

Wow ! that simple. Any time I can recognize these things as the way I am dealing with something, I'm letting the disease run my life. To flip the switch and get back n recovery mode I just need to replace it with the appropriate positive approach, Acceptance (for me that's forgiveness in most cases, and that includes how I deal with my resentments agains myself), love, and faith.

What an improvement over the old mental masturbations.

[scottocs]

Hi Christopher,

I really liked your take on anger/resentment. Anger can often be my initial reaction to a lousy situation, but choosing to nurse it into a resentment is a choice. One only progresses from the other if you allow it. It is a choice. I used to allow it because I thought I was justified and the ends justified the means. The 'ends' being my being 'right'. It was sooo important to me. I thought I was better, smarter than everyone else. And I would make sure you knew it. My tongue was a scimitar, and it would hurt people. Today, I try and remember that proving to the world that I'm right, (and so often, I'm not), never brings me any serenity, only false pride and misery, and suffering to others. Anger is one of my triggers to loss of serenity, and possibly my cleantime, and definitely is not cool with my higher power. Today, I'd rather be happy than right! The older I get the more comfortable I am with my ignorance of so many things. It's ok! Sleep is the only 'narcotic' I need. Recovery is the only lifestyle I want! Take Care and strive to live in your moment! Scott

[peajaye]

Anger is in the moment. Resentment is anger that I re-send.

[Nathan Kors]

What forum do I go to if I have the option of using but really do not want to?

[Montauktammy]

Wow I wish I had read this 2 months a go, Anger is a little different for me, it was my 1rst D.O.C.! And the one that stayed with me the longest even in recovery! It was by far easier to put down dope than anger and rage for me, I would get so hurt when I would see those 90 day wonders and they would say how happy joyous and free they where and I could not feel like that, oh I tried. My anger kept me from those feeling I was in fear of feeling and I used it to buffer my self from the rest of the world, I was in so much fear that some one was going to hurt me, that I truly could not let them in at all. I had been told to seek outside help for my anger and I did it did not work for me! I have not hit any one in over 6 years and I had to sit on my hands for a long time in the rooms, any old timers heard that one? Or white knuckle it. There was times I wanted to rage so much I would be sitting at home, with clean time and step work, rocking back and forth. When I called people about it I was told to get over it, hung up on, and told I was hopeless in the rooms people with 10 and 15 years. My name in the rooms became Angry Tammy. Well back in October I hit my bottom on my anger, I did pick it back up in November, but I put it back down and by the grace of god I have kept my clean date and applying the steps on my anger in the same way I applied steps on dope and it is working. I have not felt the need to rage in months. Pretty happy I did not have to take it as far as the dope my take on anger some peoples anger is their dope. I was for me! :D

[AJB1569]

Hi Scott,
Enjoyed your post on anger. I have that problem as well. How about coming to my noon meeting on Thursday sometime? I feed everyone who walks through those doors.
Not a bad deal huh? Catch a meeting and lunch is on me.

Your brother in recovery.

A.J.

[Just42Dave]

to me, anger is the initial reaction that i feel when something does not go as i want it to or expect it to. resentment is when i hold on to that anger, let it grow inside my head, replay it over and over again, rather than just letting it go. anger is unavoidable. resentments are not.thats better:85:

[sedona]

thank u for the reminders im curently growing .:11: