Self-sabotage

[janbear]

Self-sabotage

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are
likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
M. Scott Peck



For the last fifteen years I have been an avid and restless student of “self-help.” I read popular books, spent years in therapy, and attended various support groups. Because I didn’t see any improvement in my life, I was consumed with anger, shame, bitterness, and a pervasive sense of injustice. I blamed my Higher Power, my family, my partner, and my life circumstances. Only since joining The Recovery Group have I discovered the source of my toxic stagnation. It was myself. When doing a thorough examination of my life, I was absolutely shocked to find that I had been repeatedly practicing destructive acts of self-sabotage.

I was in love with my suffering. I was addicted to my misery. Sometimes we cling to our illnesses and weaknesses because they are so familiar to us. Though they hurt us, we find them oddly comforting. It's what we're used to. And change is scary. The unknown is scary. I found that my self-sabotage stemmed from shame, anger, low self-esteem, my lust for being a Victim -- and even a Fear of Being Well. I had to reach the profound darkness of depression before I could admit that the damage I did to myself had become unbearable.

Now I make a choice each day to not sabotage myself. It's not easy. Rather than being my enemy, I choose to be my friend and advocate. With the help of this program and my friends in recovery, I have come to like myself and to truly want good things for myself. The changes are gradual and require me to be patient and gracious with myself. Now I can celebrate each baby step and forgive myself when I fall back into old patterns. I now know that when I do make a mistake, I can admit it, learn from it, and press forward with my Recovery.

One day at a time...
I will choose to accept myself as a person of worth. I will resist temptations to sabotage my recovery and I will choose good things for my life.


~ Lisa

[free2bunme]

I found that my self-sabotage stemmed from shame, anger, low self-esteem, my lust for being a Victim -- and even a Fear of Being Well.

Now I make a choice each day to not sabotage myself. It's not easy. Rather than being my enemy, I choose to be my friend and advocate.

The changes are gradual and require me to be patient and gracious with myself. Now I can celebrate each baby step and forgive myself when I fall back into old patterns. I now know that when I do make a mistake, I can admit it, learn from it, and press forward with my Recovery.

:1:

[fibiray]

Great post. Myself I tend to self sabotage and it came automatic as breathing in and out. I had to become aware that I was doing this and change my thoughts and feelings. Often I would feel confused as to why things seemed to turn to dust before me and couldn't understand why. I couldn't see how my negative mental and emotional habits were a recontributing factor to this. I had been programed to think like this and it took time for change to take place. I had to stop being a victim and giving my power away to others. I also learnt that if I could not value or love myself how could I possibly expect others to do the same thing towards me. For me the change from self sabotage to self value is one of the freedoms of recovery. thats me