janbear
10-18-2006, 05:28 AM
Looking for Love
“The most important thing in life
is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Morrie Schwartz
As a compulsive overeater I was always looking outside of myself for love, yet I was terrified of letting it in. "What if it hurt me once I let it in?" I was just as afraid of giving out love. "What if I lost myself or was taken advantage of?" My life was ruled by fear and at a very young age I discovered the false security of food. I used food as a source of companionship and as a way to numb out my pain. It became a substitute for love.
As the disease gained control, the more I ate and the more shut down I became. I built huge walls around myself. As the weight came on, I was convinced that this was the reason people didn’t love me the way that I wanted to be loved. I believed that “if only I was thin enough" I would get what I wanted. It never occurred to me that I was already so full of the food that there was no room inside to receive anything else.
When I came into program and began to put down the food, I slowly discovered that this love that I was searching for was within me all along. My Higher Power IS love and dwells within and all around me. In recovery I am graced with the freedom to act out of love and therefore be with my Higher Power.
One day at a time...
I will choose to act out of love and to keep my heart open to the love that my Higher Power brings into my life...and if I just open my eyes, my ears and my heart, it is everywhere.
~ Jessica M.
“The most important thing in life
is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Morrie Schwartz
As a compulsive overeater I was always looking outside of myself for love, yet I was terrified of letting it in. "What if it hurt me once I let it in?" I was just as afraid of giving out love. "What if I lost myself or was taken advantage of?" My life was ruled by fear and at a very young age I discovered the false security of food. I used food as a source of companionship and as a way to numb out my pain. It became a substitute for love.
As the disease gained control, the more I ate and the more shut down I became. I built huge walls around myself. As the weight came on, I was convinced that this was the reason people didn’t love me the way that I wanted to be loved. I believed that “if only I was thin enough" I would get what I wanted. It never occurred to me that I was already so full of the food that there was no room inside to receive anything else.
When I came into program and began to put down the food, I slowly discovered that this love that I was searching for was within me all along. My Higher Power IS love and dwells within and all around me. In recovery I am graced with the freedom to act out of love and therefore be with my Higher Power.
One day at a time...
I will choose to act out of love and to keep my heart open to the love that my Higher Power brings into my life...and if I just open my eyes, my ears and my heart, it is everywhere.
~ Jessica M.