Meetings

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Meetings

I sat and listened
I tried to hear
They said keep coming
And I tried not to show fear

I knew that I belonged there
I knew I needed to go
But I didn't want to believe them
And I walked out with my head hung low

I went again, I sat in the back
I figured they wouldn't see me
I thought I knew more than them
I figured they didn't even know me

People would ask how I was
I would reply that I was fine
I figured they didn't need to know
Why should I share my feelings?
After all they are mine

I kept going I don't know why
After I left I would still get high
I would hear what they said but I didn't listen
I'm not one of you I thought
So with everything that I could identify
I would tell myself not me and I'd just deny

But as time went on
And I used more and more
I knew that I was one of you
Yet dreaded my life becoming a bore

So as I went to meetings
I would party on the side
I didn't get what I was doing wrong
I didn't know how to get to the other side

I thought that I could listen
And try and get some hope
But still go clubbing and hang at bars
I didn't realize that I still had no idea of how to cope

So when a problem would arise
My mind would tell me all the lies
That I could use and be ok
It would tell me I couldn't break through its ties

So out I'd be for quite some time
Before I realized I hadn't a dime
And back to stealing was where I turned
After all it was what I had learned

But each time I fell and wanted to die
Someone would tell me all you have to do is try
There are no promises of a life long dream
Only today
And each day clean a reprieve

written by Karen