To Think Well of Yourself Check your Behaviour

[fibiray]

You need to behave well to think well of yourself. Or you need to be able to learn something of value, make amends and get over it when you haven't behaved well.
Good intentions are, alas, not enough. In one of the countless sweet ironies of human behaviour, we tend to judge ourselves by our good intentions (I didn't mean to ....) and others by their actions. To grow in self respect, we must reverse this. (what shame?)
We must scrutinise our own actions to see whether they are helping or harming other people. And we have to give to other people the benefit of the doubt that we have been liberally giving to ourselves. This means assuming that their intentions were good, at least when it is halfway reasonable to do so.
Of course you (and I) know people who appear to have lashings of self respect despite behaving hideously. I would suggest that it's less self respect that they have than self importance. And I can see my old spiritual teacher saying: and what person could psooibly need our compassion more?

CONCERN FOR OTHERS

Self importance, self aggrandising, self promotion are not signs of a healthy sense of self, or genuine self respect. Self respect always coexists with genuine interest in and concern for others - and a dose of good natured reality about your place in the universe.

Life and soul essentials - stephanie dorwick.

[fibiray]

Growing up in my family I learnt at an early age on how to put on masks to cover feelings of inadequacy. Having been put down all my life and being told that I was dumb, fat and ugly and having no tools to counteract these beliefs is it any wonder that I went out there with a distorted view of myself and the world around me. Ego, grandiosity, approval seeking and false pride all were defects I use to try and make me feel a whole human being. They were also skills that I used to survive 11 yrs of active alcoholism. It was often instilled in me that you were nothing unless you were educated and held a job that had some prestige. I have come to the conclusion that even if I had achieved these things in life I still would be searching for peace, and i still would not have been accepted by my family. This in fact would have made the situation with them worse through such things as jealousies and resentment. The older I get in age and sobriety the more I am coming to define myself through who I am and what sort of life I lived. Whether inside or outside of the program this is where the power of example can really work to it's most effective. It is not important if I own my own home or if I rent, whether I wear the latest fashions or wear what is comfortable, or whether you are served first or last it is how I respond and reaact towards others with respect and human kindness that will forever be remembered. thats me

[mellotripp]

Thanks, I needed to read that

[flickchic]

Growing up in my family I learnt at an early age on how to put on masks to cover feelings of inadequacy. yes me too (((((Fi))))), something I am struggling with at the moment, but absolutely have to let go; wanting others who have spent a lot of time with "my mask" to see "me"....the one without it, more to the point; accept that; kinda fits with the post from yesterday I guess; "what other's think"....

It is not important if I own my own home or if I rent, whether I wear the latest fashions or wear what is comfortable, or whether you are served first or last it is how I respond and reaact towards others with respect and human kindness that will forever be remembered. thats me<!-- / message -->yes!!!! so true!!!!!

A good share Fi, thank's.