You have a right to good experiences

[fibiray]

you want other people to love and appreciate you. You want good things to happen to you. Yet sometimes these 'good' things feel as uncomfortable as disappointments.
In fact sometimes they feel worse than disappointments. (I have everything I wanted but I still feel depressed.)
A positive experience can lift your spirits. It can also lead you to feel unworthy, insufficient, invaded or extremely uncomfortable. The thought may arise "I am not worthy of this," or "I could never match what is being offered to me. I could never repay it," or "I may grow to like this. And then it will be taken from me."
To take in what life is already offering you, and to be able to enjoy what others want to offer, you need to trust that you have a right to good experiences. (good things can happen to me. I won't need to pay a price for them, I won't need to spoil them or distrust them.)
This sense of inner legitimacy depends on self respect and self acceptance. (I am someone who is lovable. I can accept what you have to give me without feeling threatened or overwhelmed by it.)
When you are feeling anxious, depressed or out of sorts you will be much more inclined to doubt othe rpeople's generosity or authenticity. (She doesn't mean it).
Use those painful times as a barometer. Ask yourself, "why is it hard for me to take in good experiences right now?" Waht is going on in my life more generally?
Focusing on yourself in this way - rather than worrying about whether the other person really meant it - you can begin to see useful patterns. (it is hard for me to accept others kindness when I am overtired. After we broke up I found myself pushing other people away event hough I needed their help. When I am caught up in worrying what other people think of me, my self doubt goes crazy).

life and soul essentials - stephanie dorwick.:wink:

[flickchic]

A positive experience can lift your spirits. It can also lead you to feel unworthy, insufficient, invaded or extremely uncomfortable. The thought may arise "I am not worthy of this,"

This post has brought up some interesting stuff in me; recently when I went to the psych and got told I was doing really well, coping, yada yada, I expressed happiness, however my gut feeling was "scared"......

A couple of days ago I went and met with my new counsellor; he too was full of praise of my acomplishments, my journey and where I am at; again I expressed happiness, however, my gut feeling again, was "scared".

The external happiness was partially genuine, everybody likes good feedback don't they?, well I know I am learning to accept compliments and not ??? any more if people really mean it or not, generally I can feel if they are honest compliments of merely to "soften me up"......anyway I had a chat with my old counsellor, my brother, John yeterday about this and I also shared with him my fear of getting the peer support group happening; It came to me that I have a fear of success, I also have a fear of failure!!!!
uh duh flick, which one would you like to be in??:eek: well, to be honest neither!!!!:sad:

John asked me what I thought of it and if it was a fear of being left alone to journey alone, in which he reassured me that I most certainly am not alone, which I do accept. He then suggested that perhaps it's because I am in a space of some sort of "normality" and not comfortable with that yet??????

My connection here is that they were positive incidents however they certainly left me feeling uncomfortable.

Still trying to "nut" that one out and come to some understanding.....

I think maybe it' because if others are feeling I am in a space of being competent and capable and leave me to be then what happens if I fail and fall on my butt again??....If I continue with the support group as a leader and mess it up....then I am proving to be successful leads me to failure.....oh gosh flick that's really not good at all....let's not take any risks, let's not bother growing and healing any further, cause you just want to sit in your safety zone, that says "hey I've got problems and need your help all the time"!!!!!....hmmmm ok, let's be a little kinder to ourself here Flick; how about PROGRESS IN WORKS AND NOT PERFECTION!!!!!! and how bout I love you and it's ok to be doing ok. God doesn't see me as a failure after all the rotten things i've done and He certainly won't see me as a failure if I try and things don't quite work out just yet....He may well see me as a failure if I don't take the risks and give it the best that I can at this point in time.....and accept that I will always have His guidance if I listen for Him. ok, glad we worked through that one Flick. Thank's for listening and thank's for the opportunity to grow a little more.:42:

[fibiray]

Hey flick I can so relate to the fear of failure and success. Me I find that when it comes to the fear of failure I have the old tapes play back from what I was told by my mother and brother that I am a fool and too dumb to achieve anything and through failing I feel that this only gives support to that, rather than looking at it from a different perspective of what the lesson in it was.
On the other hand success can be just as daunting because it demands me to move myself out of my comfort zone and tirggers the fear of the unknown. The pendlum can swing from one extreme to another and I am only just now learning to take baby steps to get a happy medium. thanks for sharing flick.

[janbear]

.
On the other hand success can be just as daunting because it demands me to move myself out of my comfort zone and tirggers the fear of the unknown. The pendlum can swing from one extreme to another and I am only just now learning to take baby steps to get a happy medium. thanks for sharing flick.

Thanks Flick and Fibiray for your shares. The above that you wrote Fibiray is especially a God thing for me right now. Thanks.

[flickchic]

hey Fi, thankyou for sharing also....still giving this one further thought.....

thought about the best way 'for me' to approach it.....some of my fear of failure certainly stems from perfectionism still as does the fear of success I guess, cause they're all intertwined from this chic's perspective at the mo.

I guess one thing is to take the risk, accept that I won't be doing it perfectly, but if I give it my best shot, then I ought be happy I've at least tried.....I did get over the procrastination and wrote a letter contacting all the people whom wish to be involved with the Group and have asked them for dates and given an invitation to have a 'get together here in our home'....so yes, baby steps, first step taken!!! woohoo!!!...gues what; it really wasn't hard aye!!!

love and hugs for ya Fi.

[flickchic]

Hi Jan :-)