more grief stuff

[dalin]

Cultural Expectations of Men in Grief In our society we have different expectations for reactions to loss from men than from women. These expectations may not be realistic. Some men may act in ways that are on the list and some may not. Some women may act in these ways as well.

A man is expected to be:
in control.
confident.
more concerned with thinking than feeling.
rational and analytical.
assertive.
courageous.
competitive.
able to accomplish tasks and achieve goals.
knowledgeable about how mechanical things work.
able to endure stress without giving up or giving in.
able to express anger.
able to bear pain.
sexually potent.
able to hold his liquor.
able to settle down at an appropriate age to be a devoted husband and father.
a provider.
A man is not expected to:
openly cry.
be afraid.
be dependent.
be insecure or anxious.
be passive.
be playful.
touch other men.
be impotent (sexually or otherwise).
lose control of self or situation.
express loneliness, sadness, or depression.
express the need for love or affection.
exhibit typically feminine characteristics.
Men may grieve by:
remaining silent.
engaging in solitary mourning or secret grief.
taking physical or legal action.
becoming immersed in activity.
This information is meant to act as a starting point for talking about the way people respond to loss. Individuals, couples or groups may find it useful for that purpose.

Staudacher, C.Men and Grief. Oakland, Ca: New Harbinger Publications Co. Adapted by permission.

[Prescott]

"A man is just a man"

[Kai Stevens]

I'm Kai, grateful alcoholic. (A woman as not necessarily obvious by my name)

I spent the first 33 years of my 36 years trying to be a man (a good son). My hat's off to yall. That's a tough bill to pay. It's a special kind of loneliness or isolation that not many women ever get to feel. From my efforts, I did gain a better understanding of: my father, boyfriends, husbands, and sons. For that, I am truly grateful.

There are 'goods' and 'bads' that I know I will never be able to understand about the pressures put on men to be 'Manly', but I have learned that being a man isn't "easier" or "better", it's just different.

God bless you. Love ya later. kai

[mellotripp]

Coming from a macho-man culture. The immaturity that I expressed when I had to forcefully accept the end of my marriage in the beginning, only helped to add to my depression afterwards. Having to rely on God, and allowing myself to be humanly weak, it has been hard to get rid of those feelings that have forced me to accept my part in the matter. Although I was in recovery before my divorce, I must admit it was more of an abstinence than real sobriety. Oh well, living and learning the hard way has always been the most effective for us addicts and alcoholics.

[dalin]

i can relate