SonOfSamwise
12-11-2006, 10:29 PM
Denial and Insanity
The things that stick out most for me regarding the First Step are denial and insanity.
Denial is a big one.
When I got here Judges were tired of looking at me.
When I told a judge that my five-foot-long record was everybody else’s fault, laughter in the courtroom sounded like a Cheech and Chong release.
Against my better judgment, the judge sent me kicking and screaming into a haven for “ex-convicts and junkies.”
Clearly this was a mistake.
I didn’t belong in a treatment center.
It was there, thank God, that I was introduced to AA.
My alcoholic denial had been flanked by court order.
A passage on page 30 of the Big Book says a drunk will pursue the notion that he can one day drink like normal folks into the gates of insanity or death.
Bill Wilson was a flourishing writer and this passage looked fascinating on the page.
Today I know this passage is not just a flourish.
I know it is God’s truth because I have witnessed this process over the years more times than I can count.
And that is where the insanity comes in.
Over the years I have watched folks annihilate their health, spouses, children, jobs; break the hearts of their parents and loved ones day-in, day-out, year-after-year until their whole environment is strewn with the irreparable bones of physical, financial, mental, emotional and spiritual wreckage.
All because insane denial caused them to pursue the notion that they could one day drink booze, pop pills, smoke crack or meth, and/or shoot heroin like normal folks into the gates of insanity or death.
At that point death is a viable and merciful option.
At least then the nightmarish torment that they and their families endured for countless years would be over.
The First Step for me is about denial and insanity.
:D
“Show me what its like
To be the last one standing
Teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be.
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if its worth savin me.”
----- Nickelback -----
--------------------------------
Truth is independent of belief.
The things that stick out most for me regarding the First Step are denial and insanity.
Denial is a big one.
When I got here Judges were tired of looking at me.
When I told a judge that my five-foot-long record was everybody else’s fault, laughter in the courtroom sounded like a Cheech and Chong release.
Against my better judgment, the judge sent me kicking and screaming into a haven for “ex-convicts and junkies.”
Clearly this was a mistake.
I didn’t belong in a treatment center.
It was there, thank God, that I was introduced to AA.
My alcoholic denial had been flanked by court order.
A passage on page 30 of the Big Book says a drunk will pursue the notion that he can one day drink like normal folks into the gates of insanity or death.
Bill Wilson was a flourishing writer and this passage looked fascinating on the page.
Today I know this passage is not just a flourish.
I know it is God’s truth because I have witnessed this process over the years more times than I can count.
And that is where the insanity comes in.
Over the years I have watched folks annihilate their health, spouses, children, jobs; break the hearts of their parents and loved ones day-in, day-out, year-after-year until their whole environment is strewn with the irreparable bones of physical, financial, mental, emotional and spiritual wreckage.
All because insane denial caused them to pursue the notion that they could one day drink booze, pop pills, smoke crack or meth, and/or shoot heroin like normal folks into the gates of insanity or death.
At that point death is a viable and merciful option.
At least then the nightmarish torment that they and their families endured for countless years would be over.
The First Step for me is about denial and insanity.
:D
“Show me what its like
To be the last one standing
Teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be.
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if its worth savin me.”
----- Nickelback -----
--------------------------------
Truth is independent of belief.