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e79243
01-12-2007, 11:21 AM
I am a 41 year old single mother of a 4 year old little girl. I grew up with my alcoholic father and my twin brother . Our mother (addicted to pain killers) an alcohlic too, abandonned us. My dad drank pure Black Label Whiskey every night. When he got drunk he would get mad and yell real loud, (talking to himself), about how bad us kids are. It really scared us every night when we were so little listening to him yell real loud how bad we were. Everytime his car rolled into the driveway, we would run to our rooms. We would get a sick felling in our stomachs. We did not want to be around him. He did not want us there. He ignored us and never talked to us and we had to raise ourselves. We were not rich and not poor. We grew up in Houston, Texas. I always wondered why I had bad social skills, why my vocabulary was less than most, why I did not care if I made good grades, why I did not care to ever study and made all F's each year and he never asked to see a report card ever. I wondered why I got very uncomfortable around adults. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADHD, Attachment Disorder, Depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I used to have anxiety attacks. I could never keep a job due to bad attitude and a learning disablilty. I did not learn from my mistakes. I could not concentrate or multi task. I have never had a good relationship with a friend or someone I have dated. I can not get close to anyone or feel love or empathy towards people. I am on medication now for ADHD and Depression and feel a lot better. I have been working hard on me. I have not spoken to my father since 1983. My mother came back into my life at age 25 but this recent Thanksgiving I had to end our relationship because I have a four year old and she was a bad influence. She would cancel every very important engagement. She would have black eye's, all the time, due to falling down drunk episodes that she thought was funny. She would lie to anyone and everyone. She is a narcistic. She rages a lot. She has Bi-polar. She is still addicted to pills and is in denial over it. She is always breaking plans and lies about why she cant make it. She is undependable and very selfish . She is so controlling over anyone and everyone. She does not get to this day why people cringe when she walks in a room. She is toxic and has lots of drama that is all self inflicting. She is very negative. I do not want to put my dauther through all the crap I have gone through and still go through. I started out just like them from 15 to 36 . I was a huge drinker. I had 3 DWI's by 33 years of age and lost lots of friends. I embarrassed myself infront of family and friends and even co workers and bosses. When I got married and pregnant I quit every bad habit while pregnant i.e. smoking, drinking, and zanax . I am going on 4 years and 9 mos. of living fairly clean life for my daughter. I slip up once in a while but never around my daughter and I will pick myself up and not beat myself up and continue living my responsible life. I now think about what the consequences would be if I made this decision which I had never done before. I have a lot to loose if I make any mistakes. My husband and I broke up due to my rages. I did inventory of myself and now living well. I still have PTSD over childhood. I am finally keeping a job by getting along well with others and thinking before I speak and staying on my ADD medicine so I can concentrate and retain learned information. I am finally making ok money. I finally cleaned up my credit then bought a house and an SUV. I do lots of research on my disorders. I read a lot and am on many self help forums. It makes me not feel so alone in why I think the way I do and now I know why I am the way I am.

blessed2be
01-12-2007, 11:55 PM
Thanks for sharing your story. You are so strong to shed the toxic relationships in your life to spare your daughter the pain you had to live with. I know you have responded to my posts before. I too am shedding my toxic relationships. I have two sons, ages 5 and 6 and a 9 month old daughter. I saw fear in their eyes toward my father and it was the same fear I had in my eyes my entire life.

You are definitely not alone. Good for you for rising above it all! I think we grow up feeling so worthless that it is difficult to "break free" from all the shame, pain and anger to realize that we are really so "worth it".

Many blessings to you...keep posting!
Jennifer

Doraine
01-13-2007, 10:58 AM
Congratulations on 4 years and 9 months of sobriety. In sobriety I ended my relationship with my family. I had gotten sober but they hadn't changed and I kept getting hurt by their treatment of me. This Christmas I sent my youngest sister a Christmas card but it came back undeliverable. So nothing has changed but I'm still sober and peaceful.

clean42day
01-14-2007, 01:26 AM
Thank you E for sharing your experience, strength, and hope with us.


light and love

Gail

:61:

e79243
02-01-2007, 05:55 PM
Let me reword that. When I say I have been clean , I just have not been irresponsible in my decision making. I will not drink in front of my dauther. I will not drink and drive. I will not get tipsy. If I ever have a drink I eat a lot with the drink.

trish
02-01-2007, 06:53 PM
:53: Wendy :52: I am also 41 and a recovering alcoholic/addict. I look forward to hearing more of your story.

fibiray
02-02-2007, 12:30 AM
Hi there E I can so realte to your story. My dad was the alcoholi and mother was the lunatic whom I suspect may have had a pill problem but not sure on that one. I grew up in a violent home life with my brother domineering, intimidating and abusing us while dad was not home. I could so relate when you said that whenever you heard the car pull up in the driveway you took off to your rooms. Ditto there. I spent most of my childhood in my room and in fantasy land. I too never had good communications skills or could connect with others. Nobody ever explained to me the concept of schooling and what it was for. Needless to say I took no interest and found it almost impossible to do since my thoughts were always occupied with the dramas at home. I dropped out half way through high school and ended up getting my education when i was in my mid thirties. The first few years that i was sober I still lived under the fear they manipulated me with and had no clues just how dangerous these people were to me, and yet I kept running back to the abuse. I am glad that you are here and keep coming back and sharing your experience strength and hope. god bless

fi
xxx