dalin
07-20-2007, 01:11 PM
"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot
"The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work." - Harry Golden
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow." - Evan Esar
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. " - George F. Will
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." - Woody Allen
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More Life Lessons:
Kill enough time and it will kill you back.
Anything that does not have a mouth which can speak cannot be wiser than you.
You can put a dress on a pig, but it's still a pig.
Henry Ford said: "If you think you can or you think you can't....you're right!"
I expect a lot from my friends; but not more than I can do for them.
Prepare the child for the path, NOT the path for the child.
I have learned that truth is not relative, it has none, it stands alone.
Change happens when the pain exceeds the fear of the unknown
On chasing your dreams: You won't learn to swim until you jump into the water.
Your kids will break your heart...It will take time, but you will love them again, and realize that you really always did.
Life is too short and too precious to waste on people who don't get that life is too short and too precious to waste.
History will repeat itself. We should endeavour not to fail to look and listen.
I've learned that when life makes you fall, fall towards your back, because if you can look up, you can get up.
Mediocrity breeds complacency.
Smile at every client, for at the end of the day you will still be smiling and the grouchy client will still be griping.
On a personal note, be mindful not to put your car keys in your coat pocket, take off your coat, toss your coat in the car, and then lock the car.
I taught you nothing and you never forgot it.
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Life's a Beach...
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the seashore."
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Retired and Suddenly Rich
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Joe had carved: I love you, Nancy.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Nancy quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--one million bucks.
Joe said, "We've got to give it back."
Nancy said, "Finders keepers."
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two Inspectors were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
Nancy said, "No."
Joe said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Nancy said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Joe and began to question him.
One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." Joe said, "Well, when Nancy and I were walking home from school yesterday... "
The first Inspector turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."
~~~~~~~~
Retired Couple
A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" the husband asked his wife.
After some thought, she said, "I'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than myself, since I am so active for my age."
Then the wife asked husband, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
~~~~~~~~
Retired Engineer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
"The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work." - Harry Golden
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow." - Evan Esar
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. " - George F. Will
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." - Woody Allen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More Life Lessons:
Kill enough time and it will kill you back.
Anything that does not have a mouth which can speak cannot be wiser than you.
You can put a dress on a pig, but it's still a pig.
Henry Ford said: "If you think you can or you think you can't....you're right!"
I expect a lot from my friends; but not more than I can do for them.
Prepare the child for the path, NOT the path for the child.
I have learned that truth is not relative, it has none, it stands alone.
Change happens when the pain exceeds the fear of the unknown
On chasing your dreams: You won't learn to swim until you jump into the water.
Your kids will break your heart...It will take time, but you will love them again, and realize that you really always did.
Life is too short and too precious to waste on people who don't get that life is too short and too precious to waste.
History will repeat itself. We should endeavour not to fail to look and listen.
I've learned that when life makes you fall, fall towards your back, because if you can look up, you can get up.
Mediocrity breeds complacency.
Smile at every client, for at the end of the day you will still be smiling and the grouchy client will still be griping.
On a personal note, be mindful not to put your car keys in your coat pocket, take off your coat, toss your coat in the car, and then lock the car.
I taught you nothing and you never forgot it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Life's a Beach...
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the seashore."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Retired and Suddenly Rich
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Joe had carved: I love you, Nancy.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Nancy quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--one million bucks.
Joe said, "We've got to give it back."
Nancy said, "Finders keepers."
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two Inspectors were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"
Nancy said, "No."
Joe said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Nancy said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Joe and began to question him.
One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." Joe said, "Well, when Nancy and I were walking home from school yesterday... "
The first Inspector turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."
~~~~~~~~
Retired Couple
A retired couple is lying in bed one night and are discussing all aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" the husband asked his wife.
After some thought, she said, "I'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than myself, since I am so active for my age."
Then the wife asked husband, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
~~~~~~~~
Retired Engineer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.