admin
07-29-2007, 05:10 PM
How to be really, really annoying
o Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
o Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
o Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
o At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
o Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
o While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
o Wear a LOT of cologne.
o Mow your lawn with scissors.
o Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
o Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
o Do not add inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
o Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
o Never make eye contact.
o Never break eye contact.
o Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
o Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
o Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat all their complimentary mints by the cash register.
o Staple papers in the middle of the page.
o Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
o Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
o Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
o Drive half a block.
o As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
o Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
o Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
o Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
o Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
o Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
o Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
o At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
o Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
o While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
o Wear a LOT of cologne.
o Mow your lawn with scissors.
o Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
o Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
o Do not add inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
o Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
o Never make eye contact.
o Never break eye contact.
o Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
o Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
o Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat all their complimentary mints by the cash register.
o Staple papers in the middle of the page.
o Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
o Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
o Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
o Drive half a block.
o As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
o Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
o Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
o Repeat everything someone says, as a question.