GETTING HONEST

[janbear]

GETTING HONEST



There is an intuitive understanding between recovering addicts and newcomers. Oldtimers know well the games that newcomers play at first. Newcomers are not asked what they're thinking, they're told what they're thinking! They dont need to be trapped into lies, old-timers tell them the lies they were about to tell.

Thus, in the beginning, we start to get honest because we hardly have a choice. We give up on playing games because there are no tricks left in the bag. Being confronted by others, we have to get honest-honest enough to save our lives.

Have I stopped playing games? Am I getting more honest?

Higher Power, let me be grateful for the intuition and quick tongue of my fellow members: They can help get me honest.

Day by Day

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:85:Honesty is one thing we learn to do to get clean.We have to stop the lies and face the facts,we got ourselves in this mess and we can get ourselves out of it being honest and letting N.A. in.You have to want what there is to get.:15::17:

[Montauktammy]

LOL how many times when you where new did you have to go back to your sponsor and say you know what,what I just said that is not true and they always knew it LOL I know I did a lot.

[GarryW]

LOL how many times when you where new did you have to go back to your sponsor and say you know what,what I just said that is not true and they always knew it LOL I know I did a lot.

Answer: Not one time.

Although I agree that there is, "...an intuitive understanding between recovering addicts and newcomers," I respectfully disagree with any assertion that all newcomers play games or all old-timers have some sort of 6th sense that can detect dishonesty. And the part that says newcomers have to be told what they're thinking instead of asked is really a stretch. When I came in I was so ready to change that I followed directions to a tee. Not only did I get honest...I told the truth. My experience is that 'some' newcomers have that ability.

Because of our diversity, I believe it truly important to shy away from stereotyping, moralizing or pigeon-holing our members according to any characteristic. Although I believe it is true that we don't come into NA "brimming" with honesty, I also believe that dishonesty and self-deceit still prevent members with extensive clean time from reaping the full benefit of our program. I think it also important to note that we differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery, so being an old-timer doesn't automatically qualify a member for the "honesty badge of approval" nor a "psychic award."

I must admit that we addicts tend to detect BS pretty quickly (as they say, "You can't BS a BS'er."), yet a quick tongue can help as well as hinder. NA's 12th step reminds me that I should tell my own story and I should let you tell yours. If you can identify and come clean (on your own) you'll exhibit humility and growth...without being forced (humiliation). Giving advice (or having someone take your inventory), without it being asked for, can cause resentment, anger or hostility - not to forget, the Basic Text tells us that doing so causes the newcomer to lose respect for us. I guess it's easy to forget that we addicts tend to be overly sensitive.

I agree that getting honest is crucial, but when you do it is none of my business. I can only keep what I have by giving it away, and I can only give to those willing to receive it.

[Thorny]

I am an addict. My name is Thorny.

Honestly sharing my own experience and what’s going on in my life has been critical to my recovery since I came to Narcotics Anonymous.

You all have taught me that making the decision to be lovingly honest is the key to my recovery. It is also the key to the peace and serenity I seek one day at a time. Over the past six years I’ve come to learn that it’s really not all that difficult as long as I understand how quickly my disease wants to keep me from living honestly.

You see, I realize that my disease has a vested interest in trying to take me back to the dishonesty, lying, cheating and manipulating behaviors of my addiction. If my addiction is in control (and that’s always it’s intent) it will stop at nothing to stay in control and honesty isn’t in the vocabulary of my disease.

When I first came to NA my disease told me constantly that being honest would only cause me more pain and be more demanding than using. Thanks to the unconditional love you all gave me until I could learn to love myself, the results of getting buck naked honest with myself have been nothing short of a miracle.

But then that’s what happens when I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him and just get out of His way and let Him work His will in my life. I never again have to face the disillusionment and humiliation that came with my self-centered, self-willed self-deceptive way of life.

As I honestly have faced and dealt my personal faults and character defects, I have become comfortable with who I am. Today, I am relaxed rather than anxious, decisive rather than confused and loved unconditionally by my Higher Power regardless of my past, just as I am. Today I am up front with myself and others about anything that I have to face and deal with as I live life on life’s terms one day at a time.