"How to Share?"

[janbear]

"How to Share?"

For starters, I don't believe there is a "correct" way to share, as long as I'm sharing honestly.

I do agree that people should be aware of each other's desire to share and try not to monopolize
the time available.

Sometimes-in fact, most of the time-when I come to the rooms with a problem, it is because I don't know the solution and I'm seeking the experience, strength, and hope of those who may have had a similar experience.

There are times, especially when I'm hurting emotionally, when I just don't feel very spiritual and, for whatever reasons, I'm incapable of being the spiritual person I ought to be.

I've had the opportunity to travel, and in many meetings around the world there are no discussion leaders to call on people. Everyone simply jumps in and takes turns. It is not my place to say when someone does or does not have a need or desire to share.

It is truly okay to speak briefly.

An NA meeting is a garbage dump if that's what I'm full of at that time. I come to meetings with what's inside of me. Sometimes it's experience, strength, and hope; other times it's pain, agony, and misery. It depends on how well I've been applying the program to every aspect of my life, which varies from day to day.

Yes, I was taught not to get up and walk out of a meeting, regardless of whether or not I've shared. If I do, then I might miss the very thing I need to hear to stay clean.

One of my biggest character defects is time management. I'll tell you one thing: If I'm late to a meeting and I need to share, I will!

I grant that a step or topic meeting should stay focused, but if someone has a problem or is hurting, I pray that they will be able to share so they don't feel the need to use. People can identify with that person, share their experience and hope, and then share on the topic at hand in order to keep the meeting focused.

What about the things we usually say at the beginning of our meetings, like "It costs nothing to belong to this fellowship" and "You are a member of NA when you say you are"? Does the Third Tradition apply only to those who put money in the basket? Of course not! If you have a dollar, put it in; if not, maybe next time. Meanwhile, keep coming back and participate fully-you are a member when you say so, not because you have money to donate.

I'm not here to please you or to follow your rules; I'm here to save my life. If I happen to offend you in the process, I apologize for my part in creating your resentment, but I will not risk my life just to keep you happy.

No, I don't necessarily have to share at every meeting I attend, but if I wish to, it is my right. If my sponsor says I need to share, then I probably do. Perhaps I need a shove to get out of my shell. Regardless, it is between my sponsor and myself-which, incidentally, you are not. I'll progress in my recovery at my own pace, with the help of a loving Higher Power and the love and open-mindedness found in mostof the rooms of NA around the world. Written with love and care for all addicts, regardless of wellness, sickness, clean time, or progress,
Frankie H, North Carolina

- NA Way, October, 2002

[shydawg]

I try to share ONLY if I have experience on the topic being discussed . my sponsor spoke to me on this that unless I experience on it it was best to just listen & learn & let others share their E,S,& H . if it's a newcomer reaching out I can offer some comforting words of encourgament & hope & hug .sit down & listen .

[shydawg]

not only time I share I meant I dont share On things being discussed when I dont have the experience... I do try to share at most mtgs . even tho as nic says I'm a shy person i still is hard to do at times but getting lil easier ..gonna chair a mtg next month . so I got the willingness

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:29::29:As far as I know you can share about anything recovery related,N.A. or A.A.While you are at a meeting.You can also share about the topic of the night.Keep Coming Back,it works if you want it.:29::29:

[dalin]

I was told not to fictionize...in otherwise,if I had done what they
have done.
Also told not to moralize,but to share my Experiance,Strength and Hope.

[wharfrat2108]

no warstories! we all know how to use. Sharing as in being a speaker, where i came from, why i came into the rooms, what i am did to get clean and what i am doing to stay clean. Sharing as in open sharing, so long as it is honest ist all good. Good speakers have definetly kept me clean ceartin days. and the hope of hearing one always helps me keep coming back.

[GarryW]

Janbear...looks like you're responding to the article that was in the NA Way a while back. A lot of people got offended by that article and I can understand why. I guess it's like a double-edged sword...you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I can see both sides.

For example: I'm in a meeting and have been there since it started. There's no predetermined format for who goes when, so everyone is taking turns and I'm waiting for my turn to share. There's only 20 minutes left in the meeting, and in comes a few late scragglers. With 10 minutes to go, I think it's my turn and before I can get started one of the late-comers jumps in before me!!! That's not fair, not considerate, not courteous, and IMO, certainly not spiritual. I've had it happen to me and I've seen it happen to others.

I've also been a witness to members going from meeting to meeting sharing the same thing. I'm talking about 3 meetings in a row!! Its as if they want the entire fellowship to know what's going on, OR they're on a mission to deliver a point. These tend to be the same ones who share at EVERY meeting all week long EVERY week. Members with experience shared or offered a solution the first time they shared their problem, but apparently they preferred to live in the problem and talk about it (to no end). The need for attention is so great for some of us that we'll stop at nothing to get it.

I agree that "pain shared is pain lessened" but to ramble on and on about every little problem that occurs in our daily lives isn't sharing ES&H, IMO. The "where I'm at today" format isn't what our meetings are supposed to be about. That's why they tell us to get a sponsor and join a home group - to have people we can confide in on an intimate level. The bigger problem that arises from using the rooms as a dumping ground is that we indirectly teach the newer members to share in the same fashion. Ultimately, our meetings turn into *****, whine and moan sessions where solutions are rarely heard - only problems.

The literature tells us that the "ideal" state exists when an addict can come and go freely from an NA meeting. So I have no problem with members leaving early or stepping out to smoke, or whatever. Hey...I've been known to step out early and come back, from time to time. But what kills me is when members be the 1st to share (esp. a problem) and as soon as they finish sharing they leave and don't come back. WTF???

Putting money in the basket is optional, never a requirement and has nothing whatsoever to do with whether we share or not. NA has no membership fees or dues.

I must say I do not believe we should have any rules dictating how we share in our meetings, BUT we should always remember that we lead by example...and the examples we offer will more than likely be immulated.

[dalin]

I agree!

[wharfrat2108]

My sponsor once said that based on the tradtion of no opnion on outside issues, one should realy only share about recovery in a meeting and not be talking about how they are pissed at their boss, unless in fact it is related to their recovery. I kind of agree cause i hate when it turns into a ***** and moan session, opnions?