My mother the amnesiac - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

Laura12 · 11-05-2009, 08:49 PM

I've looked over a few posts from other people on here and feel distinctly like I got the good end of the stick, since so many of you seem to have had a far worse experience than me.

I admittedly don't remember much about my mother being an alcoholic, because I was only eight or nine when she suffered that phase of her life, and perhaps that is essentially what's bothering me. It was only after I spoke to my boyfriend (now ex-) about my worst memories that it hit me that I hadn't breathed a word to anyone about this in over ten years. Since then it's plagued me a little, and I have a lot of questions for the people who were involved - mostly if any of them remember. And I want to ask them, but that chapter of our lives is so over for them all, which Mom being completely reformed, that I don't want to drag it up.

I don't think it's much regarding her even, as much as the other people involved. My now-stepdad threw her and me out on the street when he found her alcohol stash in his garage, and it seems it never crossed his mind to help or protect me. That behaviour has always carried forward. She had a depressed rage when I was a teenager, and he stormed out to get the police because she was apparently acting so crazy, but left me, at 13, to protect his 12 month old son from her. I have no idea if Dad ever actually found out at all, clueless as he can be at times. Mom and I had no family support network, so I was left to cope wit her alone.

All this also means something else: that I am the only one who remembers any of it. And it bothers me because of my age at the time - even though those memories have been burned into my mind, now it's not so much images themselves as the narrative I've been remembering and telling myself since it happened. It's more like a police statement or something - I only remember it from the words, not the images themselves anymore, and even though I'm sure I'm right about what happened because not one word of my story has changed since, I still feel uncertain because it's all so hazy.

I am seriously considering taking myself back to the places where my bad memories happened and trying to "relive" it. What do you think? Does anyone have a similar experience?

*yukonm* · 11-05-2009, 08:54 PM

Have you considered going to an ACOA meeting? You most likely would meet people who have experienced what you are going through that would have some suggestions for you. Hopefully someone here may be able to help also.
I hope you find a way to work through this so that you can move forward. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

ShanMac · 11-06-2009, 05:25 PM

Hi Laura12,

I used to think I had the 'good end of the stick' because, even though my mom would hit me, I never had my arm broken or was chased around the house with a knife like some people I know. However, since going to therapy, I realize while the physical stuff is easy to describe and attribute my anxiety disorder to, it's actually the more subtle stuff that's really impacted me. The mental abuse and neglect I felt as a child has had a great impact on me than the physical abuse.

I've relived or gone back to my memories as a child but I do it either with my therapist or, now that my anxiety is under control, with a plan on my own. When I think back to my negative childhood experiences, I try to remember how it made me feel, how it can impact some of my reactions to things as an adult and how much of my adult reaction is justified or based on old childhood fears. I think if you have help or experience with reliving those things, it could be helpful in addressing them.

Just my thoughts. Good luck! :)

11-05-2009, 08:49 PM	#1
Laura12 Newcomer Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sheffield, UK Posts: 8	My mother the amnesiac I've looked over a few posts from other people on here and feel distinctly like I got the good end of the stick, since so many of you seem to have had a far worse experience than me. I admittedly don't remember much about my mother being an alcoholic, because I was only eight or nine when she suffered that phase of her life, and perhaps that is essentially what's bothering me. It was only after I spoke to my boyfriend (now ex-) about my worst memories that it hit me that I hadn't breathed a word to anyone about this in over ten years. Since then it's plagued me a little, and I have a lot of questions for the people who were involved - mostly if any of them remember. And I want to ask them, but that chapter of our lives is so over for them all, which Mom being completely reformed, that I don't want to drag it up. I don't think it's much regarding her even, as much as the other people involved. My now-stepdad threw her and me out on the street when he found her alcohol stash in his garage, and it seems it never crossed his mind to help or protect me. That behaviour has always carried forward. She had a depressed rage when I was a teenager, and he stormed out to get the police because she was apparently acting so crazy, but left me, at 13, to protect his 12 month old son from her. I have no idea if Dad ever actually found out at all, clueless as he can be at times. Mom and I had no family support network, so I was left to cope wit her alone. All this also means something else: that I am the only one who remembers any of it. And it bothers me because of my age at the time - even though those memories have been burned into my mind, now it's not so much images themselves as the narrative I've been remembering and telling myself since it happened. It's more like a police statement or something - I only remember it from the words, not the images themselves anymore, and even though I'm sure I'm right about what happened because not one word of my story has changed since, I still feel uncertain because it's all so hazy. I am seriously considering taking myself back to the places where my bad memories happened and trying to "relive" it. What do you think? Does anyone have a similar experience?

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Only A Mother...	admin	Relationships & Parenting In Recovery	2	11-08-2006 03:15 PM
A Mother	admin	Relationships & Parenting In Recovery	0	11-08-2006 03:14 PM
Only a Mother . . .	admin	Relationships & Parenting In Recovery	0	11-08-2006 03:07 PM
A MOTHER	janbear	Inspirations, Poetry, Quotes, Etc	1	09-03-2006 07:59 PM
Only A Mother. .	janbear	General Recovery	0	07-09-2006 05:56 PM

11-05-2009, 08:54 PM	#2
yukonm Community Greeter Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 1,116	Have you considered going to an ACOA meeting? You most likely would meet people who have experienced what you are going through that would have some suggestions for you. Hopefully someone here may be able to help also. I hope you find a way to work through this so that you can move forward. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

11-06-2009, 05:25 PM	#3
ShanMac Regular Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 11	Hi Laura12, I used to think I had the 'good end of the stick' because, even though my mom would hit me, I never had my arm broken or was chased around the house with a knife like some people I know. However, since going to therapy, I realize while the physical stuff is easy to describe and attribute my anxiety disorder to, it's actually the more subtle stuff that's really impacted me. The mental abuse and neglect I felt as a child has had a great impact on me than the physical abuse. I've relived or gone back to my memories as a child but I do it either with my therapist or, now that my anxiety is under control, with a plan on my own. When I think back to my negative childhood experiences, I try to remember how it made me feel, how it can impact some of my reactions to things as an adult and how much of my adult reaction is justified or based on old childhood fears. I think if you have help or experience with reliving those things, it could be helpful in addressing them. Just my thoughts. Good luck! :)