Honesty

[Craig A.]

Over and over we must ask ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal search for truth. It is by far the most difficult of the four absolutes, for anyone, but especially for us in this fellowship. The problem drinker develops genuine artistry in deceit. Too many (and we plead guilty) simply turn over a new leaf and relax. That is wrong. The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated striving for it. There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And the relenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity. All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find us.
The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take care of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great new truth and discard an old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. It's an everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind.
Accuracy is close to being a twin brother of honesty, but inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?". Any man who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or society. Any intended violation of honesty stabs the health of not only the doer but the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majesticly to join us. Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job.
It is much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorsteps of honesty. Our instinct for exhibitionism, even though held in check, is a foe of honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in hte shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other. Remember?
It is one thing to devoutly wish that the truth may be on your side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight to protect and enlarge."Is it true or false?" Let us make that a ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength and intelligence we have.


We had a meeting on the absolutes and it was amazing honesty was the first one! I would love to hear your thoughts on this, will you share some of your wisdom/thoughts on this subject.

[Chewi]

Big Book, p. 58:

Chapter 5 HOW IT WORKS

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

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I must examine every thought with "rigorous honesty." This is how I fight against the lies, you know the ones: "It's been a while, it must be okay to drink now." "Just one or two at this party won't hurt me or anyone else." "I was never that bad anyway, what's it gonna hurt to have some wine this weekend." "I never drank like so-and-so did." "Things suck in my life right now. Who cares anyway." And a million more lies.

Rigorous honesty is how I remember, how I quash these lies.

I must be honest when evaluating my thoughts before I take any action. I must be in touch with God, praying for His will, because that is how I will discern truth. I must be honest about my feelings and my motives.

[Rocket2d4]

Honestly...I like to get F-up, escape all my problems, troubles and life's challenges.
I can be lazy and wish everything would come to me easy.
I hate doing house chores..yet, to clean up a major mess mess makes me tire just thinking about it.
I want what I want...when I want , how I want it and where I want it.lol

Acceptence of the truth and being honest to myself is a beginning.
By being honest with myself and accepting myself.....I've siezed figthing myself.
The guilt trip and the power of alcohol loses it's grip or stranglehold on me...

The same principle was true for me when it came to a person/toxic relationship.
Rather than listening or others opinion, I listen to my own intuitions.
I stopped fighting the fact that I love her while others where telling me I should stop
loving her. Yes, it hurts like hell to have to let her go...but I no longer had
to struggle with the guilt and shame of loving someone. Slowly I was able to
heal, no longer obsess over her and move on with my life.

The same was also true for me when I honestly took a good look at myself.
I played the victim time and time again..There where many behavior patterns
and thinking process . Some subtle , some not. Sometimes it seems like I
was subconsiously doing it....Never the less when I honestly accepted and admitted
to myself that I was doing that...I was able to take myself out of the victim role.
It didn't happen overnite. I'm not perfect at it. I catch myself going into old
behaviors or thinking again and again...I forgive myself and move on as best I can.
I'm more aware of this. Honestly I don't think life is a bed of roses.
I'm not always possitive..but I try and try again.
I don't beat up on myself anymore. I allow myself to learn and grow from my mistakes.

I give myself compassion, love, patience and understanding.
Honestly..I can do this today too...

[skyhook]

Honesty is me in my motor boat heading to the island in the distance...my destination. From a far and while the island remains a speck on the horizon, I align my rudder accordingly to guide me to my goal.

Here is where the work starts.

I have to keep hold of the small, unassuming rudder, while making subtle and minor adjustments to my course. Constantly compensating for the resistance of the current and the cutting of lifes winds that attempt to throw me off course. If I simply leave my life rudder (my guide) fixed on the first setting, I will miss the island by miles, even if my setting was only a few degrees off.

It is in the adjustments, where I find the integrity in my course.

Honesty is also important in choosing the correct island of destination. Without honesty, it will not matter how hard I worked to arrive at the wrong or poorly selected island.

[BethD]

Honesty.

I do not believe I am one of the unfortunates who is incapable of self-honesty. However, I do believe my dependence was due to my ocd and depression and depression when it has been bad enough can make everything about me and the world feel like a**, which is not the truth. So honesty yes, truth not always. My mind plays tricks on me.

Honestly, I chose to take benzos as a last resort. I had lost my career after being stalked by a client and in ssri withdrawal and I wanted to die. The antidepressants weren;t working when I tried them again. So I agreed to take benzos to try to ameliorate the side effects of the ad. Immediately upon taking my first one I realized it made me feel worse, but I had hopes for cymbalta. And I just didn't care anymore. And I didn't need to think, that was the lovely thing about ativan. I didn't need to think. Then I added lithium bc I was butt ugly depressed still which, honestly, I broke out in hives to. I didn't care, I wanted to not die and knew somehow I needed serotonin for that. So I didn't tell my doctor and instead let it screw up my insides for months with the allergy. I was desperate. At one point, after being staunchly against poly-drugging, I said to the doc, "I don't care anymore, give me whatever." Anything to not be me. I turned to drugs in desperation. Now I am more depressed, less desperate to try medication. I have seen where that road leads. But this also means I am more hopeless, apathetic. Some kind of magic of life is gone. Doctors don't have the answers. I try and try and try to get up and my thinking fails me every time.

Honestly, I walked around from March to July with a suicide note and no one knew. I suppose I am a good actress although I didn't try to be; I'm young and pretty and smart and no one probably could imagine me dead. I did tell people I wasn't well. Honestly, I'm not sure how to show people how I feel. I don't trust them. And I'm not sure half the time how I do feel. Plus there was really no point---"I'm suicidal, and this won't likely change for awhile bc it's pretty biochemical at this point from the drugs" you know there was no point in burdening people with that. To have them send me inpatient where I would get even more depressed and be unable to tolerate their medications and be updosed on the thing I'm addicted to? I knew I just had to live with it, live with the real possibility I might not make it. So I was not honest. I couldn't be. I pushed everyone away to get off this drug, but the thoughts traumatized me. It was important to me to get off though, indeed if a hospital had reinstated I would have killed myself that is how bad the withdrawals had gotten. I had to be dishonest to survive the withdrawal, no one was willing to take me in in a suicidal state to help me detox, but it has ruined my life and I am in a severe state of ptsd. I have no idea who I am anymore. All I want to do is hide from the world and sleep. I am not a cry wolf kind of person, but I tell you benzo withdrawal will make you want to die every waking moment and after awhile people thought probably I was crying wolf and some people thought I actually wouldn't make it. My best friend told me I needed a miracle, my sister that no one would say I didn't try hard enough if I did it, even my pastor told me he understood why I felt the way I did. But I learned to stop sharing how I was feeling. It was too hard on people, including me. I had to stop reading about suicide also. Then I stopped making friends, because I wouldn't want to be friends with me, honestly. No good to make a friend when they're thinking of fun adventures in the future and you're wondering if you'll get through the day.

Honestly I don't know what good I can do in the world anymore. I can't seem to sustain more than acuaintanceships and even these I don't pursue. I don't invest a whole lot in the world, shame perhaps, I still feel the need to protect others from myself and myself from others. My self-esteem, the little I had, has been shredded and I am even too angry at myself to feel that good about my sobriety. I barely made it. More of collapsing at the finish line than any kind of celebration. All of the people in my life right now on a regular basis are professionals. Friends couldn't withstand it, my family didn't want to see it. So I am bitter too, yes, feeling left to die even though this may have been the only way. I got far too nasty at times to have wanted to put anyone I love through that. The awful thing about benzos is how loooong the detox is. I guess I can never again say I can't complete a hard project. But what is left? The drug is gone, so is nearly everything else including and most importantly the ability to feel good about anything. Everything is suspect now, nothing will REALLY help, I'm too far gone, my life from here on in is ruined, you know that kind of thinking.

I don't know if this has helped me, but that's as honest as I can get today.

peace-
Beth

[mellotripp]

When I was bouncing in and out of recovery I decided to look up in "As Bill Sees It" what he had to say about dishonesty and it said - see honesty. Jesus, could you ever believe me?