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Old 04-27-2012, 04:42 PM   #11
mikethesmaller
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Hi Lesley,

this passage from the Big Book, Doctor's opinion could have been written just for you. It refers to men and women alcoholics.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

Is this your experience?

God bless,
Mike.
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Old 04-27-2012, 06:53 PM   #12
Ed C.
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Hi All,

Lesley, This is quite a tough road. May I suggest that you look into going to that AA meeting that you were thinking about when you first posted. The reason I say this is you are going about this without a support system.

Online support is OK, but if you want this thing to last you are going to need to work the program with someone face to face. You have to be serious about making it work. In the text it says "Half measures availed us nothing". I found that to be the absolute truth.

You will find that the more you are tempted, the more you will crave. It gets no better without addressing the spiritual issues that go along with addiction. I found that one must have an inner peace before the cravings go away. Will power alone just won't cut it.

If you believe yourself to be an alcoholic of any kind, abstinence without serenity may work for a short time, but chances are if the spiritual aspects of your life are not addressed, the insanity of the first drink will always come back. I'm talking from experience, not from a book on that one!

I will always be here with the message of finding sobriety through the spiritual awakening as a result of the steps I took in AA. If there is any time that you find it necessary just to talk about what all of that means, I am at your service. Good luck and I hope that the peace you are seeking comes to you soon. With love and respect, Ed C.
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Old 04-29-2012, 03:48 PM   #13
Lesley
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My plan is to attend a meeting and to get a sponsor. I haven't managed to get to one just yet. I did however go for a night out without drinking last night and it felt absolutely wonderful to be awake, dancing and acting silly without drink in my body. I was drunk from the music and endorphins from dancing. When people asked why I wasn't drinking I just said it would ruin my fitness routine that I'm working on. Most people just assumed I was drunk by how happy I was. I realised that the pressure to drink also comes from myself to release inhibitions and improve a rubbish night out. Under the right conditions of good music and company I'm fine. But I need to build my strength with AA for those times when the conditions cause the monster to not be so easily suppressed.
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