A Survivor of sexual abuse

[chrisaj]

Hello, my name is Chrisa. I am 37 years old. I was molested by the school principal at age 9 and violently raped by a stranger at age 12. Needless to after those experiences I was rather messed up. Having a family who did not talk about it and simply swept it under the rug did not help. My father was a pilot and gone for days at a time. I remember him coming home after a trip and he started drinking. He proceeded to tell me that I deserved what happend to me. Sick. That comment from him only validated the feelings of shame and guilt that I had been feeling. I had felt like an outsider the rest of my life.

I have since learned that those feelings are common and may have shaped the decisions I have made in my life i.e., poor relationships, etc. I have been doing a lot of work on self-esteem issues as well as trying to manage tha anger I feel towards 2 people that completely altered my life.

[clean42day]

I have since learned that those feelings are common and may have shaped the decisions I have made in my life i.e., poor relationships, etc. I have been doing a lot of work on self-esteem issues as well as trying to manage tha anger I feel towards 2 people that completely altered my life.

((((Chrisaj)))) I want you to know that the work you are doing is the most honorable thing you can do to take your power back and become your authentic self. I commend you on your courage, willingness, and effort. even though the work can be difficult, frustrating, and surrounded with fear, it is all worth every bit of the effort, and it is hard, but not impossible to go from being a victim, or a survivor, to a thriver in life again.

I heard someome put it like this. Childhood sexual abuse is like someone taking a angry red marker and writting on the window of our soul. it leaves a deep grove of woundedness that seems to be etched into the glass. but I want you to know that you can learn to develope new tools to clean that window and make it pristiene and clear and beautiful again. and we begin to see ourselves and life in a whole new way.

WE DO RECOVER, WE DO SURVIVE AND WE DO FREE OURSELVES FROM THE PAIN, ANGER, AND WOUNDEDNESS.

WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US AND YOU ARE TOO.

Take your spiritual belifes into the journey with you and you cannot fail.

light and love

Gail

[flickchic]

Hi Chrisa,

a quick self share to help you see that we can change our life for the better;
I'm 39, nearly 40, was abused in most ways possible by my father, emotionally and mentally abused by my mother, raped by someone I sort of knew at the age of 13, and date raped and hospitalised at the age of 17, which also resulted in pregnancy and termination at 5months. I also grew up in a family of shame...no disclosure....and made to feel very much like I was dirty and completely to blame for the date rape and pregnancy...also living in the outback where things were socially far more victorian than city living...
The feelings of guilt and shame and feeling like an 'outsider' certainly do arise from from all of the abuse you have suffered. The choices in r/shapes are due to low or nil self worth and low or nil self esteem...my choices became worse and worse. Domestic violence became my everday life eventually.

-----------------------------------

Congratulations on the courage to speak out and share, and well done for the work "you" are doing on your self esteem and anger issues.

From victim to survivor to thriver....you can recalim your life and live it as it is meant to be.

Gail is very correct; we are so much more than what has happened to us and you can be too!!! Yes, it can be a very hard journey, and painful as we heal our wounded inner soul, the inner child/ren that was victimised needs much loving, care and reassurance to become healed and re-united with ourselves as thriving adults.

I also totally agree with Gail; if you take your spiritual beliefs with you on your journey you cannot fail. I had very little in the way of spirituality when I began and travelled through a lot of the inner child work, however I do now know and firmly believe it would have been far less painful for me to have had a concious r/ship with my HP. Since joining the family here in January and rebuilding a r/hip with my HP I have not only been able to see so much sickness from my addictions, but more and more of my history behind them, I'm still seeing learning and growing daily I feel, it's a life journey, but gosh it's becoming a wonderful one!!!

Hang in there, I pray you keep working with yourself and please know that you are not and never will be alone ever again. If I can be of any help please feel free to ask.

love in recovery,