Weekly Topice - Aug 26-Sep 1, 2007

[fibiray]

Ive hit many a brick wall in recovery as I am one of those people that simply has to keep returning to the scene of the crime as they say. I kept on attracting situations that involved 3 people, I think they call these sitations pyramids or triangles, and every time I remained in the role of victim. I did this right throughout my life and even after coming into recovery. It was not until a situation actually in aa that I had attracted or possibly re-created that I was able tobreak this cycle. For the most part a lot of this has been eradicated in my life although there is still are a few areas that I need to continue to break unhealthy practices. I think it comes down to the fear of saying no.The same could be said for over eating and anger where no matter how hard I tried to break these patterns I seemed to fail even though I managed to remain sober. The anger situation has seriously been diffused only experiencing moments from time to time. My PTS is a trigger for this. The food issue I am still working on as with the smokigng issue as I find life on life terms cunning baffling and powerful. thnaks for letting me share.

Fi
xxx

[Bruce T.]

I lean up against the shady side of the wall, remind myself that "this, too, shall pass" and go 10, 11, 12 ... 10, 11, 12 ... ad infinitum. It works for me, anyway.

-b

[free2bunme]

time ... i trust the proceess... i don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle ... i accept more pain ... and more tears ... until i become willing .... to let go and let GOD ...

[snugsnug]

Originally Posted by cassie

Aug 26-Sep 1, 2007

Ever "hit a brick wall" when it came to recovery? Got stuck, couldn't go forward, didn't want to go back. If so, how did you feel and what did you do?

You know I hit these on occasion, I am not exactly sure what it is. Though I think that it happens when I become unbalanced. You know, doing too much of one thing and not enough of the other.
I try to the best of my ability to read my basic text, and read my bible, go to some meetings, go to church when the doors are open and do some service work at both NA and church. As long as I keep these evenly spread out I should be OK.
I try to remember to not get too: Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Thanks for letting me share
sterling

[flickchic]

Ever "hit a brick wall" when it came to recovery? Got stuck, couldn't go forward, didn't want to go back. If so, how did you feel and what did you do?

Great topic Cassie, thankyou.

I think I hit that brick wall more than once over the past few weeks; ran into it and then kept banging my head against it!!....

How did I feel?: like total and utter crap (scuse me but it's the best way for me to put it out there). Miserable, lonely, victimised, very angry.....at times full of self pity, and totally self focused again. At times highly resentful and full of blame to self but mostly to others. Internally; a very ugly person again.......it was an expression of that very ugly person that brought me back here. Thankfully.

What did I do....began with the Serenity Prayer, over and over......baby steps still happening.

so it's a "what am I doing" question for me also; the awareness that when I fail my serenity and allow myself to become emotionally drunk/unclean it has a huge impact on those close to me and it snowballs badly. I do not and will not take all responsiblity for the actions/behaviours of the other party that was involved, however I do and will take responsibility for my part in letting myself back to the state I've been in. Part of the self defeating behaviour from me has been to accept responsibilty for all and then resenting it.....I've been less than honest by putting my mask back on and not being true to myself....and in turn not being open and allowing myself to be vulnerable to another. and then silently resenting/blaming that person that I had closed off.

So, as I mentioned; "baby steps": came back here, owned to being a B***H, ouch.....began reading here again and today, sharing.

Something I am very tenative about still is my spirituality, I'm shuffling there, not even stepping yet....hard to own however I got angry with my HP more than anyone and yep threw a lot of blame in His direction.....funny thing came to mind yesterday though; it's always the one's we love the most that cop it hey!!! I have offered my apologies to Him and asked for forgiveness, however my heart is still somewhat closed, fear of reprimand perhaps......guess I need to "take a risk" ......."this too shall pass" I guess.

Thank's for letting me share, it has helped and I feel it will help further yet.

thankyou for the opportunity to be able to do so......

[flickchic]

t/you ((((Cassie))))

[dalin]

I know I have learned the hard way...
pray thru action...
Without moving..my God only sees action,
not prayer and wining...but prayer and action.
But all my misdirected actions,no matter how pure my
intent
are focused on doing right.
At times I have to have reality,
or God,
to unhinge my ego at times,by lovingly
straightening it out(ouch)
but eventualy I surender(after lots of mental fighting)