~ MOVING ON ~

[janbear]

~ MOVING ON ~

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Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point,
then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except
what you do now in this instant of time.

Eileen Caddy

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As a child, teen, and young adult, I was
sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically
abused. I was neglected as well. By the time
I was a young woman, the "abuse" was history,
and I was left dealing with a very sick family.
But I could not let go of my abused past!

The abuse became the topic of every conversation
I had. Anything I saw on TV or read in a book or
newspaper brought to mind the past. I awoke in
the middle of the night to relive my childhood
nightmares for a few hours before crying myself
back to sleep. I spent entire days staring at the
television, eating to numb myself from my pain
and anger.

Eventually, I wanted more from my life. I became
disgusted with myself and what my life had become.
I was led to a Twelve Step group. There I learned
how to let go of the past, to work through it, to make
amends for my part in things, and to forgive those
who abused me.

Today, when I discuss the abuse I suffered, which
is seldom, I can do so without the anger and pain
bubbling up. I can help others with my story, and then
I can let it go. It is my history, but it's no longer
ruling
my present.

Like Thomas Raddall said, "Don't brood on what's past,
but never forget it either."

ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I will make amends and forgive others, not
for them, but for me. I pray to live in today,
to make it the best day I can.

:~*~:.


_________________

[janbear]

The ability to move on has been a gift that the 12 step program has given me. Its a God thing that i have come to this point in my recovery. I didnt think i had the ability to forgive my abusers at one point. I didnt think it would ever happen. I had to let that resentment go to live myself. Praying that reesntment prayer many times that is in the Big Book has been a great tool for me personally. Praying the Lords Prayer, equally helped.