weekly meeting 9/23 - 9/30

[clean42day]

Iyanla Vanzant – Until today – Daily devotionals for spiritual growth and peace of mind.

I experience and express the power of trust because I am ready and willing to walk through fear.

When it comes to moving forward, demonstrating your power, it is the same experience for everyone. When life calls upon you to step up your pace, to move into a higher level of being, to put your great potential to use, it will bring up every aspect of fear that is hidden in your consciousness. When this happens, unless you are willing to acknowledge and confront the fear head on, you will not be able to move. More important, if you do not trust that you will be able to walk through the fear, you will choose not to move.

We all have little fears we have not addressed. In fact, we may have some we don’t know exist. These unknown fears can and do lie dormant until you are called upon by life to confront and overcome them. That is when the degree of trust you have in yourself will be tested. It doesn’t matter how much potential you have or how many divine opportunities are laid before you, fear can zap your energy, stamina, and ability to move. The fear of failure, rejection, and success will rage in your brain the moment your potential is called upon. In moments like this, you must trust that you can feel bad and still recover. That you can survive mistakes that might make you look stupid. How you respond to fear when it rises will determine how much you can trust yourself. The catch is, unless you trust yourself, you will not be able to confront the fear.

Until today, you may not have recognized that there were unacknowledged fears lying dormant in your consciousness. As a result, you may have given yourself many wonderful and plausible reasons for not living up to your potential and taking full advantage of the many opportunities you have. Just for today, consider the fears versus self-trust theory. It doesn’t really matter if you know what you are afraid of. What matters is trusting yourself enough to confront it, walk through it, and survive.

Today I am devoted to trusting myself enough to walk through known and unknown fear.

Step two says - We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to santiy.

This was one big stumbling block for me when I was new. The way I understood this step was "to be restored to healthy behavior and thought processes" - because I certainly could not even decide what "sanity" meant. Then came the dilemma - What exactly was I being "restored" to? A previous state of mind and body? Well If that was the case, then I was being restored to the dyfunctional unhealthy state that origionally started my journey into addiction. That was a scary thought - to be restored to 9 to 10 year old thinking! YIKES!

The disease of addiction took so many things from me; the person I was meant to be, the people I loved, material, financial, and emotional security.....but by far the most detrimental things it destroyed were not things I could hold in my hands or actually measure in my life.....they were things that I could only hold in my heart.

it is pretty common for most addicts/alcoholics to destroy trust.....whether it be to destory the trust of family, employers, and the people who love us.....but by far the most damaging form of destruction it to destroy our own spiritual self-trust and the basic trust in the Goodness of life. I had lived in the grips of addiction for so long that I could not predict what I would do next drunk/loaded/or sober. I had broken sooooo many promises to myself that I effectivley taught myself not to trust me or believe anything I said to myself. I had hung around with untrustworhty people for so long I really did loose all trust in life and the basic goodness of people.

Everything I did was based in fear and some form of denail: both being chief activators of most of my defects.

Rebuilding trust with myself was a huge portion of being restored to sanity and that meant I had to learn for the first time - how to teach myself to trust me again. I certainly trusted God to restore me - but could I trust myself to follow through? at first all I had to do was give him my cooperation by focusing on "doing the next right thing that was in front of me"......and believe me at first - I was immobolized with fear - I couldn't make a move either way because I was soooo unsure of myself and was so use to MY THINKING screwing up everything - that I literally had to check everything I was about to do with counselors, my sponsor, and trusted friends who had "time" in the program. all in all It took me about 2 years to rebuild some trust in self and restore some "santiy" back into my life.

for the most part today my thinking is clear, I can process most emotions in a healthy way, and I can certainly delay my reactions till I can choose a healthy response.........however the self-doubt, and fear versus self-trust theory still pops up when I don't know what to do, how to handle a situtation, what is the next right thing?, where does Gods will end and mine begin? and while I am accessing myself own judgement and trust in self - lets not even mention learning how to trust others>>>>>>that is a whole nother subject.

so the topic is:

Just for today, consider the fears versus self-trust theory. It doesn’t really matter if you know what you are afraid of. What matters is trusting yourself enough to confront it, walk through it, and survive.

have you created such a new history with yourself that you can pretty much believe with some spiritual certainty that no matter what life throws at you - you will be able to deal with it in a healthy and sane manner?

I know that the spiritual principal is to "trust God" in most everything we do

But how much do you trust yourself and your own thinking today? have you been restored ?

or should I ask in what ways or areas have you not been restored?

[craig]

Step 2 says I could be restored to sanity. It does not say that I would be restored to sanity. I spent 6 years,$ 1 million of family's jing in one of the top six "fancy cracker factories",cuckoo's nest,loony bins,nut houses in our country. I know,realize,feel and understand the obsession,craving feature of chronic alcoholism that has been miraculously been removed from me. I have been relieved of booze's bondage via a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. After 19 and 3/4 continously sober years in recovery, the less I really grasp and know. I do fully and intuitively know the fundamental truth for myself. My name is Craig and I admit,accept that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable.

[fibiray]

step 2 for me was a biggie because I was one of those ones that they speak of in the 12 x12 where I believed that there was a god I simply didn't trust him or anything human for that fact.. How many times did I pray as a child for peace to descend the dysfunctional household that I grew up in to no avail. How many times did I pray about the beatings I took. How could god leave a small child in such a damamging environment and not give a rats, according to me. Now here I was on my knees from a good dose of alcoholism and they were asking me to put my trust into god. A god that I didn't understand and who I saw as uncaring. It didn't seem tangible until an old timer said those golden words to me. "When all else fails remember the serenity prayer." Needless to say in the first few weeks of sobriety I was completely insane, not that I am all that sane even today, but I mean suicidal insane. I was on a trian going into the city and an overwhelming urge hit me to throw myself off the train. I recalled at that pivotal time what the old timer said to me and began praying saying the serenity prayer over and over in my head. Before I knew it the train had pulled up at the stop that I was to get off at and a peace had descended upon me. I thought to myself, bugger me it actually works. I still have not grasped the traditional religious concept of god but I do know that god works through people, and in the light that is in them. I too today try and be a light carrier for someone. Still at times I can get fearful but I bring it back to step 2 and I let go and let god. Prayer and meditation help me to overcome these fears and as I grow a lot of my fears dissapate as they are no longer valid and in some cases they were never real, it was just a puffed up notion that my head blew up. thnaks for letting me share.

[Bruce T.]

I believe I will always be "insane" because of my inherent personality, but God will restore me to sane thinking.

Makes sense to me, anyway.

Thanks for indulging my insanity, y'all. I really mean that! Where would I be without y'all?

Sincerely & insanely your's,

-b

[eve3]

i no 4 me im not the same person i was when i came thru the doors of aa/na with working the steps especially 1-4 on a daily..ive grown my thinking has changed god carryies me thru situations where i cant carry my self im still crazy i will always be...just a different crazy today i feel better...im not up 2 no good 2 day i do good...ty gail eve

[free2bunme]

god carryies me thru situations where i cant carry my self

that's what i am counting on right now

[Bruce T.]

Re: Frannie, post #7 ...

It'll happen. That's been my experience, even despite my best efforts to the otherwise.

All my concern,

-Ol' Unkle Ignert

[clean42day]

Found this - it is not todays reading but it applies:

You are reading from the book Twenty Four Hours a Day Hardcover (24 Hours)

A.A. Thought for the Day

We have this choice every day of our lives. We can take the path that leads to insanity and death (and remember, our next drunk could be our last one). Or we can take the path that leads to a reasonably happy and useful life. The choice is ours each day of our lives. God grant that we take the right path. Have I made my choice today?

Meditation for the Day

Your real work in life is to grow spiritually. To do this you must follow the path of diligently seeking good. The hidden spiritual wonders are revealed to those who diligently seek this treasure. From one point to the next, you have to follow the way of obedience to God's will until finally you reach greater and greater spiritual heights. Work on the material plane should be secondary to your real life's work. The material things that you need most are those that help you to attain the spiritual.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may keep growing spiritually. I pray that I may make this my real life's work.

I get a daily reprieve from the insantiy based on my spiritual condition.

[clean42day]

Just something I borrowed from flickchic.................

[FOOLINTHERAIN]

I think i'm crazy,
but if i think i'm crazy i'm probably not,but,
if i'm not than why do i think like this hmmmmm?
Think i'm gonna give this one to God and let him sort it out.
Nice chatting with you i think?
Kirk out