Steps For Redesigning Your Life

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Steps For Redesigning Your Life

By Diana Holman & Ginger Pape,
(excerpted: Repotting: 10 Steps…)

How close are you to having a meltdown? “Repotting� describes how 21st century women are creating new identities for themselves to bring more meaning and a greater sense of fulfillment into their lives.

To help determine if you’re ready to repot, we’ve developed this quiz. As hard as it may be to take an honest look at your life, it’s important to set aside some time to answer these questions. This exercise will give you a reality check on how you spend your time, something you’ll need to be aware of if you want to redesign your landscape.

If three or more of your answers are yes (whether you answer yes daily; yes weekly; or even just yes monthly), you’re probably ready to repot.

Answer each question below with: No; Yes monthly; Yes weekly; or Yes daily.

1. When you have moments of down-time for reflection, do you have a lingering sense of unease about the direction of your life?

2. Do you spend a disproportionate amount of time on activities that aren’t rewarding or that deplete your energy level?

3. Do you feel you’re shortchanging key relationships (with friends, husband, children, parents, other family members, colleagues, pets, and so on)?

4. Do you sometimes wish that a greater percentage of your busy schedule could be devoted to activities that would make your life feel more meaningful (such as supporting a cause, helping an elderly parent or a friend in need, spending time in your garden, and the like)?

5. Do you feel time is passing and you’re missing opportunities because your day-to-day focus is too narrow?

6. Do you feel as if your internal clock is frozen in time because you’ve given up on growing and learning new things?

7. Does it seem as though you have no time for yourself: for maintaining your personal health, managing projects (such as organizing your home office, closets, or photo collections), travel, or educational pursuits?

8. If you have a career, is it still meeting your needs? For example, do you enjoy the work, do you feel valued, is there opportunity for advancement, does it fit with your overall lifestyle, and so on?

(For 9 and 10, just answer Yes or No.)

9. If you don’t have a career, is your life still meeting your needs. For example, are you interested in working on a meaningful project (volunteering, writing, painting, and the like)? Do you have time to work from home or outside the home, start a business or franchise, embark on a spiritual or cultural journey, or some other similar venture?

10. Do you feel you never get enough sleep? Do you wake up tired or lack energy during the day? Is sleep the first thing to be sacrificed and last thing to be checked off your list?

11. Is your overall sense that whatever the components of your life are, the current mix isn’t fulfilling for you?

12. Do you feel overwhelmed? Does it seem as though there’s too much pressure on you and you’re ready for a meltdown?

How did you do? How many “Yes� answers did you have? Because these questions raise key issues, even one affirmative response may be cause to reflect on your personal landscape. Although there’s no magic number that indicates you definitely must repot, if you answered “Yes� to three or more questions, your personal garden may need attention now. Your daily life may not be in sync with your values. If so, there’s a disconnect between your interior self and external life. It’s time to put your schedule under the microscope.

Step 2: Time Tracking

This exercise will help see how you’re spending every hour in a month. Follow the steps below—no fudging! You’ll need four colored pens (black, blue, green, and red) and a blank monthly calendar showing an hourly breakdown of each day in a four-week period.

1. Fill in the blocks of time according to how you spend them. You may be doing any of the following: working, caring for and transporting children, tending to elderly parents, exercising, volunteering, seeing the doctor or dentist, reading, sleeping, running errands, taking part in social events, engaging in spiritual pursuits, being involved in educational activities, cooking or providing meals, eating, attending to personal hygiene, taking care of pets, playing sports, surfing the Internet, chatting online, shopping (for necessities or pleasure), enjoying entertainment, attending meetings (community, school, church, or other), doing household chores, indulging in hobbies, traveling, engaging in cultural activities, and so on. Be accurate and specific.

2. Evaluate your current Personal Garden Calendar according to criteria below. (Note that some blocks of time may fit into more than one category.)

• Must do/have to. These are essential activities that can’t be avoided, such as eating, sleeping, working, or providing child care. Circle everything in this group with a black pen or marker.

• Need to. This category includes activities you’ve determined are good for you and need to be done (such as exercising and engaging in spiritual pursuits) or that you’re passionate about (such as playing music, painting, or doing volunteer work). Circle all of these with a blue pen or marker.

• Want to. These are the events you enjoy and choose to engage in (such as getting a massage, watching movies, spending time with family and friends, and so on). Circle these with a green pen or marker.

• Don’t want to. These engagements are the ones that you wish you could avoid entirely (such as working at an unfulfilling job, attending the office cocktail party or another social commitment you don’t enjoy, spending time with people you don’t like but feel obligated to socialize with, doing household chores, and so on). Circle these activities with a red pen or marker.

Which colors are most prominent in your schedule? If a majority of your time is outlined in black or red, it may be time for a major life adjustment. Let’s look more closely at your Personal Garden Calendar, because if your goal is to find more time, every one of your activities must be scrutinized. Add up the number of hours you spend on each category.

For the must do/have to activities, ask yourself these questions: Am I sure everything marked in black is essential? Is it feasible to outsource any of these required tasks or find alternative solutions? (For example, if you’re spending two hours a day on business lunches, could you brown-bag it occasionally?)

or the need to list, ask yourself: Are these activities still fulfilling my original goals? For instance, is your book group still providing mental and social stimulation? Is there a better way to support your child’s school than attending committee meetings and bake sales?

Is your want to list up to date? Do you have enough time to pursue things you enjoy? If this section has become overgrown, is it time to weed out the activities you don’t enjoy as much in order to allow time for truly enjoyable pursuits to flourish?

The “don’t want to� category presents the most challenges. You may be spending time on activities or relationships that you feel are dreaded obligations. Do you need to make some hard choices? If you’re in a job that makes you unhappy, extricating yourself from it will require a major commitment of time and resources. The same holds true for personal relationships that are no longer working for you. In the case of household chores, is it possible to get yourself out from under some of them by delegating them to family members, hiring someone to do them, or simply letting go? You might want to lower your standards, tolerating a more cluttered home or cooking fewer meals from scratch.

Step 3: The Trade-off Test

This will help you weigh the costs of the opportunities that you have before you. The “no boundaries� mind-set of the 21st-century has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, you see a horizon of endless possibilities; you have the luxury of choosing from myriad options in all facets of your life. On the other hand, having so many choices can create overload, and the inability to sort out which options are the best for you can create stress.

The finest gardens aren’t the ones chock-full of shrubs and seedlings, but those that provide enough open space to allow each plant to be a focal point. Rather than assuming that you should do as much as possible, you need to ask yourself whether less is more. After completing the work thus far, you can probably see areas in your life that need attention. But with every change, there’s a trade-off. The exercise below is intended to help you evaluate your own compromises in making whatever change you choose.

Determining and Evaluating Trade-offs

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. In the first one, list potential gains from making a particular change; and in the second, write down possible losses or downsides. For instance, if you’re currently working and you want to start a family, you may need to weigh the potential loss of income and status against having more time at home and achieving the self-fulfillment that can come from mothering. If you’re currently at home and are contemplating a new identity as a community leader, you’ll have to consider the reality of having less time to devote to your family versus the benefit of a new and stimulating pursuit.

When looking at the pros and cons of making a particular change, keep in mind that there are more factors to consider than how much time or money it will cost you. If you go back to school full-time, you may be giving up vacations with your family in order to study, but the upside could be a greater sense of fulfillment or the ability to advance your career. If you choose some other endeavor, there may be additional lost opportunities that you have to be willing and ready to make.

When you see what the possible consequences are, ask yourself: “Am I ready and willing to accept the losses or downsides that will result from making this change? Are the upsides great enough to warrant the disruption or sacrifices involved?�

Think about the trade-offs you’d make if you were planting a garden. If you put annuals throughout your plot, you’d enjoy their fabulous colors in the spring, summer, and fall. But if you were to plant only annuals and no evergreens, what would happen to the overall look of your land in the winter?

What’s your conclusion at this stage of your journey? Are you ready to change or not? By closely examining your daily activities, you’ve taken an important first step in determining if you need, want, and are ready to create a new identity for yourself.

What may become startlingly clear is that you’re not a candidate for repotting at this time. The trade-offs may be too high, or your motivation may not be strong enough to take you through this transformative process. Alternatively, you may see on paper for the first time that it’s the right season for you to transplant yourself or at least undertake a partial repotting.