Escape thru Addictions

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wrote this after I realized that there was never really going to be a way
that I could 'fix' or change the man in my life... that he was the only one
that could do anything about the addictions in his life. After months and
months of dealing with the pain of watching him use his addictions to escape
the pain in his life and realizing that he had no intentions of ever doing
anything to heal himself and have a healthy relationship with me I finally
ended the relationship. To this day it still hurts some when I think about
him, but I know in my heart I have to go on with my life, with this life of
discovery and recovery where I'm finding so very much healing and peace.


Written and contributed by Beverly V.



Escape thru Addictions

Lost in your world of addictions
so out of touch with your own soul
just to escape your pain and fear
has been your unrelenting goal

You use addictions to hide behind
in your addictions you seek peace
but only in facing your hidden pain
will your soul ever know release

You seal and lock away your heart
keeping occupied your mind
always you try to outrun your pain
move on, leave it far behind

You see and recognize one addiction
and you determinedly put it aside
but you unwittingly pick up another
a new place for heart and soul to hide

You don’t want to change, to risk being hurt
you think you’re OK where you are
just doing the same things over and over
covering and hiding every wound or scar

You’ve got a strong wall built
just for you to hide behind
that wall will keep the world away
but to your own reality, it keeps you blind

All your life you’ve hid and denied your pain
that one step past denial is the hardest part
the segmented world you live in’s still there
but there’s something new in your heart

This may be the one and only chance
that you in this life may receive
a choice that only you can make
to heal your soul, give your heart relief

My love you’ll always have
but my heart breaks for you
until you learn to love yourself
there’s nothing anyone can do

I’d gladly give my life
and I’d die in your place
but I won’t let your addictions
all the joy in my life erase


Written and contributed by Beverly V. October 5, 2000