Addicted to the Addict?

[admin]

Heres some questions to ask yourself if you are addicted to a relationship:

If your only justification for staying in an unhealthy relationship, be it abusive or with an addict, is "because I love him/her," you're not in love, you are addicted.

If the best interests of your addict partner or the relationship comes first, above and beyond the best interests of yourself or your children, you're not in love, you are addicted.

If you cover up and lie for your partners behaviour, you're not in love, you're addicted.

If you know in your heart that the healthy thing to do is leave, but you stay anyway, you're not in love, you're addicted.

If you've read this section several times with a sinking feeling in your soul and are promising yourself that you're going to do something about it "if things don't change or get better", you're not in love, you're addicted.

--If you're in a relationship that involves abuse or drug abuse and can't bring yourself to leave because you think you love the person who is abusing you or drugs, you need to consider the distinct possibility that you're not in love, you're in the grip of a serious addiction and need every bit of as much urgent, radical, possibly lifesaving help as any other addict. In some ways, addiction to an abusive person is even tougher to break than addiction to a substance.

Theres no rational way to romanticize substance abuse, someone who's addicted to an addict can come up with countless ways to romanticize their determination to hang in there and refuse to leave. Strong addiction, after all, can feel like profound love. Need and dependence can feel like passion.

If it turns out that yes you are addicted, PLEASE accept the fact that just like any victim of substance abuse, you have an illness and you need every bit as much urgent professional care as any other addict. Don't waste one more minute feeling ashamed. The only shame is in not doing something about it once you've recognized it.

The best way to get away from an addict and stay away is this: The person addicted to drugs, whats his best chances of staying clean? Its to completely remove themselves from the drug, to remove themselves from ever being in a situation where the drug will be, to change their lifestyle, to keep busy so they don't think about the drug as much and not to put themselves in a situation where it would be tempting to use.
Now like any other addiction, you need to follow those rules for the person you are trying to break up with.
Of course, the only difference is that crack will not phone you and beg for forgiveness..crack will not show up with flowers with promises to change..
This is where you need to be strong and do not answer any calls, or do not open your door to that person. The withdrawals at first are intense, but you need to WANT to do it and go through it in order to get over them!

Found while surfing the net

[awayalo]

My girlfriend is new to recovery. I know that there is much more to the relationship that just love and I see potential to relationship long term, but I can't tell the difference between being committed to her recovery, being addicted to her and living without appropriate boundaries. Where is the line between support and creating a boundary for inappropriate behavior (on my part or hers)? What are some ways that I can guide my own thinking to make sure I am doing what is in my best interest during her recovery?

[ntbrown]

Yes, I would like to hear some thoughts on that as well.

[clean42day]

What are some ways that I can guide my own thinking to make sure I am doing what is in my best interest during her recovery?

part of what I was taught to ask myself is using the word "honor"

Does this Honor me? Does it honor her? would be a start to define where healthy boundaries are.

For instance Does it honor your recovery to continueally think of her best interest and design your life around what is best for her recovery?

my answer would be not really.....part of being in a relationship is taking responsiblity for keeping yourself healthy. Doing what honors you first will naturally honor her and being healthy yourself is in her best interest.

anyway that is my take on it......

being interdependent with a partner takes work, cooperation, healthy compromise, and having a goal of "healthy" behavior to work towards certainly helps......but when faced with "unhealthy" behavior in your partner, my first instinct is to say.....put your recovery first and keep yourself and your own recovery solid and safe.

That is where I draw the lines of boundaries.

Sometimes it helps me to put it in outside perspective and ask myself - If I had a daughter or son - where would I advise him/her to draw the boundary lines to keep them healthy and safe?

That usually puts some healthy protective thinking into motion.

hope this helps

light and love

Gail