How Can I Get Him to Stop? - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

*admin* · 06-17-2006, 08:23 AM

How Can I Get Him to Stop?
From Buddy T

There Is No Simple Answer
Q: How can I get him to stop drinking? What can I do to make him see that he has a problem?

A:By the time family members ask this question, the drinker has usually crossed over from occasional alcohol abuse to actual alcohol dependence.

In other words, they continue to drink in spite of obvious problems caused by their drinking. Personal, social and perhaps legal problems that would cause any reasonable person to conclude that their drinking habits should be curtailed or eliminated, do not seem to have much effect on those who are alcohol dependent, at least not in the long run.

The reason for this is alcohol dependence is almost always accompanied by denial that there is a problem.

No matter how obvious the problem seems to those around the alcoholic, the alcohol dependent person loudly denies that drinking is the cause, and usually blames the circumstances or people around them instead.

Tha answer to the questions above usually is: "Unfortunately, there is not much anyone can do, until they admit they have a problem."

Forcing Solutions
If the alcoholic is not ready to reach out for help, efforts by friends and family to try to force them to admit to the problem, usually causes more problems. It's only when the consequences of their drinking becomes painful enough will they reach out for help.

Sometimes in extreme cases, when the drinker's health and well-being becomes critically threatened, a professional intervention may become necessary, but even then sometimes the attempt will create even more family problems.

So, what do we tell the families when they ask what they can do to help? We suggest that they attend Al-Anon meetings in their area, or join an online group to learn more about the family disease of alcoholism.

In Al-Anon, family members can learn more about the unhealthy roles they may be playing in the life of the alcoholic, and whether or not their actions may actually be enabling the alcoholic to continue in their behavior, without them realizing it.

In Al-Anon Family Groups, family members can learn how to detach from the alcoholic's problems -- not the alcoholic -- and can find a wealth of Al-Anon literature to read that can help them to find solutions that lead to serenity.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa000601a.htm

ChristiBrs · 01-25-2007, 05:32 AM

I wished I had the answer but, I don't know how to get my friend to admit he has a problem. If you or anyone here knows anything at all about drug use with a needle please talk to me.

ChristiBrs · 01-25-2007, 05:35 AM

I'm desperate for somebody to please help me so I can help my friend.

free2bunme · 01-25-2007, 01:31 PM

Hi Christi

I had to learn the hard way that I was just as powerless over alcohol as my loved one is. That means for me that pretty much the only way that I can help him is to pray for him, to pray that he reaches his bottom sooner rather than later, to pray for him to finally be broken enough to surrender and ask for the help he needs, to pray that God keeps chasing him. I know that sucks and is a really disappointing answer when you want to save your friend. But if he is an alcoholic, he has placed himself beyond human aid. But never beyond God's care to create a miracle in your friends life. So don't believe otherwise: Praying IS taking action. Good luck.

trish · 01-25-2007, 05:43 PM

Christi, I don't know what it will take for your friend to relize the problem. I relized I had a problem when I didn't want to spend time with my family who loved me. I didn't want to hang out and just do normal stuff. I was an IV user for years and would be glad to share with you at anytime.
Much Love and Prayers

A

Freak

Doraine · 01-26-2007, 12:21 PM

No one can get anyone else sober. If that were true I'd get my daughter sober. All we can do is to pray for them and hope they reach out for help.

06-17-2006, 08:23 AM	#1
admin Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 28,249	How Can I Get Him to Stop? How Can I Get Him to Stop? From Buddy T There Is No Simple Answer Q: How can I get him to stop drinking? What can I do to make him see that he has a problem? A:By the time family members ask this question, the drinker has usually crossed over from occasional alcohol abuse to actual alcohol dependence. In other words, they continue to drink in spite of obvious problems caused by their drinking. Personal, social and perhaps legal problems that would cause any reasonable person to conclude that their drinking habits should be curtailed or eliminated, do not seem to have much effect on those who are alcohol dependent, at least not in the long run. The reason for this is alcohol dependence is almost always accompanied by denial that there is a problem. No matter how obvious the problem seems to those around the alcoholic, the alcohol dependent person loudly denies that drinking is the cause, and usually blames the circumstances or people around them instead. Tha answer to the questions above usually is: "Unfortunately, there is not much anyone can do, until they admit they have a problem." Forcing Solutions If the alcoholic is not ready to reach out for help, efforts by friends and family to try to force them to admit to the problem, usually causes more problems. It's only when the consequences of their drinking becomes painful enough will they reach out for help. Sometimes in extreme cases, when the drinker's health and well-being becomes critically threatened, a professional intervention may become necessary, but even then sometimes the attempt will create even more family problems. So, what do we tell the families when they ask what they can do to help? We suggest that they attend Al-Anon meetings in their area, or join an online group to learn more about the family disease of alcoholism. In Al-Anon, family members can learn more about the unhealthy roles they may be playing in the life of the alcoholic, and whether or not their actions may actually be enabling the alcoholic to continue in their behavior, without them realizing it. In Al-Anon Family Groups, family members can learn how to detach from the alcoholic's problems -- not the alcoholic -- and can find a wealth of Al-Anon literature to read that can help them to find solutions that lead to serenity. http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa000601a.htm

01-25-2007, 01:31 PM	#4
free2bunme Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 1,542	Hi Christi I had to learn the hard way that I was just as powerless over alcohol as my loved one is. That means for me that pretty much the only way that I can help him is to pray for him, to pray that he reaches his bottom sooner rather than later, to pray for him to finally be broken enough to surrender and ask for the help he needs, to pray that God keeps chasing him. I know that sucks and is a really disappointing answer when you want to save your friend. But if he is an alcoholic, he has placed himself beyond human aid. But never beyond God's care to create a miracle in your friends life. So don't believe otherwise: Praying IS taking action. Good luck. __________________ The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. Elbert Hubbard It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. e.e. cummings When sleeping women wake, mountains move. Chinese Proverb Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Eliot Let nothing upset you, Let nothing frighten you. Everything is changing; God alone is changeless. Patience attains the goal. Who has God lacks nothing; God alone fills all needs. Saint Teresa of Avila

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01-25-2007, 05:32 AM	#2
ChristiBrs Newcomer Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3	I wished I had the answer but, I don't know how to get my friend to admit he has a problem. If you or anyone here knows anything at all about drug use with a needle please talk to me.

01-25-2007, 05:35 AM	#3
ChristiBrs Newcomer Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3	I'm desperate for somebody to please help me so I can help my friend.

01-25-2007, 05:43 PM	#5
trish Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Jamestown,TN. Posts: 121	Christi, I don't know what it will take for your friend to relize the problem. I relized I had a problem when I didn't want to spend time with my family who loved me. I didn't want to hang out and just do normal stuff. I was an IV user for years and would be glad to share with you at anytime. Much Love and Prayers A Freak

01-26-2007, 12:21 PM	#6
Doraine Trusted Servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lansford, PA Posts: 1,308	No one can get anyone else sober. If that were true I'd get my daughter sober. All we can do is to pray for them and hope they reach out for help.