Creating New Memories-Thanks Zoomie - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

*janbear* · 06-18-2006, 08:37 AM

I have shared about being able to forgive my abusers has been a tremendous thing for me. Never knowing i had that ability. Through my Higher Power, i can. I realized this morning,i had already started a few good memories. Just being able to feed my father pudding while he is laying in a hospital bed is major.Yes, he is sick and dying of cancer, but feeding him pudding is a good memory for me with him. Today i seek making more memories to create, good ones. It is so beyond me that i could ever feel the desire to do this. I want his last months to be filled with good memories.

I cant change the past, but i can make the present a good place to be in. Zoomie helped guide my thoughts into what i can do.

*clean42day* · 06-22-2006, 12:45 PM

Thanks for sharing that Jan. WE DO CREATE NEW HISTORIES WITH OURSELVES.

although my abuse didn't include a family member that is still in my life today, forgiveness for my perpatrators was done in an abstract way.

I wrote each of them a letter, ofcourse I never got to send them. as that is not the point anyway.

the forgiveness was to release me from the anger, the need to punish them or any other man who reminded me of them, and to finally let go of the negativity that surrounded my abuse and take responsibility for my own ability to move on and forward beyond it.

Forgiveness was the key that opened the door and gave me permission to step through the threshold into a new chapter in my life, and as you said create new and good memories to draw on.

Part of my new history with myself is to never again treat myself the way the abuser treated me, nor do I allow others to sexualize me anymore.

I am so happy that you can now create new memories with your father. that is huge huge huge progress.

me and my dads roles have reversed also. he is elderly but still very independent and won't admit he needs help with things. but will allow me reluctantly to do some things for him. I am not in a caretaking position like you are, but occasionally when he stops through town to see me, I get to make him a meal, or drive him.

sometimes it is uncomfortable. We went to a restaurant and he went to the salad bar and then got lost on the way back to the table, then when he got the check his hand was shaking so badly he couldn't fill out the amount on the credit slip, I had to do it for him, then when we got ready to leave he couldn't remember where the front door was. he is not like this all the time, but he has his episodes of dementia due to old age. it was very uncomfortable to watch my father who was a strong and competant Doctor who at one time in his life helped so many people.....need help himself and then I was suddenly struck with compassion, empathy, and with a sense of honor that I could be the one to help him.

it showed me a part of myself that I had never experienced before and that was a blessing.

light and love

Gail

*janbear* · 06-24-2006, 04:34 AM

Quote:

the forgiveness was to release me from the anger, the need to punish them or any other man who reminded me of them, and to finally let go of the negativity that surrounded my abuse and take responsibility for my own ability to move on and forward beyond it.

well put, Gail.

*janbear* · 07-02-2006, 08:11 AM

My best memories with my father are now being able to feed him in his last weeks

and watching tv with him

Moving out of anger into forgiveness feels good.

*zoomie* · 07-02-2006, 11:20 PM

((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))) you have a bigger heart than I do!

*janbear* · 07-13-2006, 08:02 AM

Realized this morning another good memory. Saying to my father in his last months i love you felt so weird but actually meant from my heart. I never thought i could say those words to him. Forgiveness changes a persons, changing a piece of history for myself with saying those words seems to be one more stepping stone of healing from my abusive childhood. Hearing those words back to me from him

was equally healing.
I am in awe of the blessings recieved from recovery of abuse. It can only be from the God in my life for i alone could not accomplish such a thing to occur. It simply was not in me alone but only God in my life that the 12 step program brought me back to.

flickchic · 07-13-2006, 08:19 AM

((((((Jan)))))

06-18-2006, 08:37 AM	#1
janbear willing servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 14,175	Creating New Memories-Thanks Zoomie I have shared about being able to forgive my abusers has been a tremendous thing for me. Never knowing i had that ability. Through my Higher Power, i can. I realized this morning,i had already started a few good memories. Just being able to feed my father pudding while he is laying in a hospital bed is major.Yes, he is sick and dying of cancer, but feeding him pudding is a good memory for me with him. Today i seek making more memories to create, good ones. It is so beyond me that i could ever feel the desire to do this. I want his last months to be filled with good memories. I cant change the past, but i can make the present a good place to be in. Zoomie helped guide my thoughts into what i can do. __________________ And this above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. -Shakespeare For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

06-22-2006, 12:45 PM	#2
clean42day Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Lancaster CA Posts: 1,770	Thanks for sharing that Jan. WE DO CREATE NEW HISTORIES WITH OURSELVES. although my abuse didn't include a family member that is still in my life today, forgiveness for my perpatrators was done in an abstract way. I wrote each of them a letter, ofcourse I never got to send them. as that is not the point anyway. the forgiveness was to release me from the anger, the need to punish them or any other man who reminded me of them, and to finally let go of the negativity that surrounded my abuse and take responsibility for my own ability to move on and forward beyond it. Forgiveness was the key that opened the door and gave me permission to step through the threshold into a new chapter in my life, and as you said create new and good memories to draw on. Part of my new history with myself is to never again treat myself the way the abuser treated me, nor do I allow others to sexualize me anymore. I am so happy that you can now create new memories with your father. that is huge huge huge progress. me and my dads roles have reversed also. he is elderly but still very independent and won't admit he needs help with things. but will allow me reluctantly to do some things for him. I am not in a caretaking position like you are, but occasionally when he stops through town to see me, I get to make him a meal, or drive him. sometimes it is uncomfortable. We went to a restaurant and he went to the salad bar and then got lost on the way back to the table, then when he got the check his hand was shaking so badly he couldn't fill out the amount on the credit slip, I had to do it for him, then when we got ready to leave he couldn't remember where the front door was. he is not like this all the time, but he has his episodes of dementia due to old age. it was very uncomfortable to watch my father who was a strong and competant Doctor who at one time in his life helped so many people.....need help himself and then I was suddenly struck with compassion, empathy, and with a sense of honor that I could be the one to help him. it showed me a part of myself that I had never experienced before and that was a blessing. light and love Gail __________________ Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, we can all start from today and make a brand new ending. ~Carl Bard~ "Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are right now, and all you are becoming." Melodie Beattie

07-02-2006, 08:11 AM	#4
janbear willing servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 14,175	My best memories with my father are now being able to feed him in his last weeks and watching tv with him Moving out of anger into forgiveness feels good. __________________ And this above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. -Shakespeare For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

07-13-2006, 08:02 AM	#6
janbear willing servant Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 14,175	Realized this morning another good memory. Saying to my father in his last months i love you felt so weird but actually meant from my heart. I never thought i could say those words to him. Forgiveness changes a persons, changing a piece of history for myself with saying those words seems to be one more stepping stone of healing from my abusive childhood. Hearing those words back to me from him was equally healing. I am in awe of the blessings recieved from recovery of abuse. It can only be from the God in my life for i alone could not accomplish such a thing to occur. It simply was not in me alone but only God in my life that the 12 step program brought me back to. __________________ And this above all, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not be false to any man. -Shakespeare For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

07-02-2006, 11:20 PM	#5
zoomie Moderator Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,204	((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))) you have a bigger heart than I do!

07-13-2006, 08:19 AM	#7
flickchic Registerd User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: central wheatbelt, western australia Posts: 1,157	((((((Jan)))))

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Each of us is creating a legacy.	admin	Christians In Recovery	0	11-08-2007 01:26 PM
Love and Relationships in Recovery	admin	Recovery Topics and Questions	0	06-19-2006 08:34 AM
Old feelings, old memories, old tapes	admin	Recovery Topics and Questions	0	06-19-2006 07:54 AM
Memories	janbear	Relationships & Parenting In Recovery	0	06-09-2006 03:30 PM
Letting Memories In -From Beginning to Heal	janbear	Relationships & Parenting In Recovery	0	06-09-2006 02:30 PM