Wkly Meeting 12/12 - 12/18 Unless I Accept Life Completely...

[kaistevens]

This isn't in the first 164 pages, but God, as I understand him, made sure that this got in there. Big Book, 4th Ed, p. 417

"Acceptance is the answer to ALL my problemas today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serentiy until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

Then it goes on to say...

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake...unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy."

This sounds, to me, like a pretty tall order, and I have balked as I faced situations, along the way, that I DO NOT want to Accept. As I have applied the principles of this program to each new layer of my recovery, I have always gotten to the Acceptance part (usually last). This is usually when my 'yeahbuts' come out. "God, couldn't possibly want me to accept THIS."

In the face of being crushed by something in my life that I deam 'Unacceptable', where am I to find acceptance? How can it be God's will that my life, this situation, is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment?

I've prayed for the answer, I've begged for the answer, I've thank God (in faith) for the answer. I've been holding on, until God makes this situation acceptable.

I'll rephrase that...
I'm waiting, until God makes this 'right', so that I can accept his will for me. I willingly surrender, to accept, God's will for this next day, for the next right thing, for my next step. But, what about where I am standing? Have I accepted where I am right now, as being right where I am supposed to be?

All of this, I am saying to myself more than I am saying it for anyone.

How powerful IS my Higher Power, which I choose to call GOD? How much am I willing to surrender, to completely let go? Everything? Or only what I find to be acceptable to me? If this right here, is God's will for me, and this is where I am to remain, am I still willing to leave it in God's hand's?

God once asked a man (cause I have forgotten his name), to take his son, the son God had promised him, the son he had waited for, God asked this man to take his son up to the top of a mountain, and to offer him up as a sacrifice on an alter. What could be a more unacceptable situation? (For both, the father and the son) The father and the son, accepted that situation, as being in God's hands. We have the benifit of knowing how the story ends, but when they walked up that mountain, they had to have accepted that when the deed was done, it was in God's hands?

Can I accept that I am right where God wants me to be? Even if I never move from this place? If the doctors DON'T find an answer, if I don't get the miracle I am SURE God wants for me, is God still God?

"I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes"

Do you struggle with Acceptance?

[craig]

My name is Craig/alcoholic. DOS January12,1988. Thank you so much Kai for your deep topic asking if we struggle for with acceptance. For me there are a lot of different smaller categories within acceptance that I must consider. The first part of acceptance I needed to understand was that I did have a chronic,progressive,fatal disease which left untreated would kill me. Even deeper than admittng I was an alcoholic, and more importantly to solidify personal recovery;I had a strong need and desire to accept that I am an alcoholic. Most of my life's problems were doing what,where and when I wanted to do. Never were other people considered in my decision. My "self will did run riot". Kai's second pargraph is so true as our 12 and 12 says on page 90 that "it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed,no matter what the cause,there is something wrong with us. Of all of recovery's lessons,one of the most necessary for me to get a handle on; is the one dealing with my inablity to mold or control my life's destiny. I am nothing without a personal higher power that I choose to call God. I was an agnostic and a dry drunk in early recovery. I then surrendered, not just to aclcoholism, but surrendered to trying to run my life. It is such a powerful experience to accept God's power. As the last page (420) of the story"Acceptance Was The Answer" talks of acceptance being the key to my relationship with God. I do the footwork and how it turns out,the results, is God's will for me. My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations;just as my serenity is directly proportional to my acceptance.

[celticgrey]

I don't know that I've a lot to add, except my own thought for today is to be taking action of some kind to support my recovery. Just for today I can do a few simple things to stay sober and maintain a right perpective on my life. I've been out of work for 5 months and have had little luck so far in finding a job. I have had some time to realize what part I may have played in losing my last job and have had some time to be able to accept that part. However, quite often fear and doubt raise their ugly heads to attempt to push me to despair and negativity. That's when taking small actions on a daily basis helps save me from myself and to produce some positive aspect to my day. I believe in the program of AA, sponsorship and all of the concepts which have kept me in recovery to this point. I also work hard on being grateful during a day, so I can realize that my life is not so bad after all. Acceptance comes easier along with that. Thanks for sharing everybody!
Terry

[kaistevens]

I'm Kai, I'm an alcoholic.

I went to a f2f meeting last night. My first in 5 days, my second in probably 20. The topic: Justifiable Anger and Resentment, and Staying in the Solution (Staying with God). (oh sh*t!!)

SOMEone, has been reading my mail!!

Funny how this works. We get what we need. When I put that topic all together, into one word, that word, FOR ME, was ACCEPTANCE.

Justifiable. To me means, perfectly reasonable. Not about wanting my way, or not being tolerant out of selfishness, or seeing something that I don't want to look at in myself; -- those feelings are my disease being unreasonable.

I mean JUSTIFIABLE! When I was raped, when we learned that our son had been molested by a person trusted to watch him, when my father (the preacher-man, hero of the community, my hero) choked me, cutting off my air (as if damaging or killing me was acceptable to him), when my REASONABLE trust (not reckless trust) has been violated or betrayed. JUSTIFIABLE!!!

My literature tells me, that because of my disease, I can not even afford that. I have to find a healthy way to accept (not ignore) the unacceptable. I have to find a healthy way to deal with (not stuff) the anger that I feel.

How do I do that? To resent means 'to re-live or to re-feel'. Why, oh why, would I want to keep re-living or re-feeling a thing like that?!?!? Well, when I do, I drink, and to drink is to die. So, I am learning to accept that it is a real part of my past, and it is done and gone. And today, I am far closer to God, not out there wondering around in my will, and I am actively involved with much healthier people, who like me are striving to live healthier lives. And that is my insurance against my past repeating itself.

Today, like I said, I am around healthier people, so I am far less likely to be raped again. Today, the people I turn to for help are healthier, so it is far less likely that my children or love ones will be violated by my 'friends'. Today, I have accepted that my father is, exactly, who he is, and I no longer go to him in hopes he will change and be the father I want or need him to be (God has provided me with a family that gives me the love I need).

Today, I see the FUTILITY of holding on to those things. All my years of being angry and lashing out at my father never changed him. So, if holding on to it, did not affect him, then letting it go (forgiving), probably won't affect him either. Cause forgiving and letting go, isn't about him, or them; it's all about me. And when I accept that I don't have to live in that anymore, and that living in it, isn't going to change it or erase it, well, I find serenity.

Acceptance is the key to ALL my problems today. And when I put my Higher Power in charge, well, he sees the land mines that I don't know are there, and if I will listen to him, I don't have to re-live the pain of the past.

Just talking to myself mostly. That's what I got out of last nights meeting. It's gonna be okay, for as long as I leave it in God's hands.

Love ya later, Kai

[anniemac]

I adore Dr. Paul, the author of that story in the BB. I have about 8 of his talks on tape and no matter how many times I listen to them, they cause me to smile.

One thing that I learned early on that was of vital importance was that Acceptance does not mean Approval. I don't have to like it, I just need to acknowledge it (whatever "it" is). The pain is in the resistance to what is. Trying to deny reality is futile yet I've spent so much time doing just that.

Kai asked how big is our God. Well, I have to say that I do not have a belief that God intervenes in every detail of everyone's life. I'm not saying that God isn't capable of doing so, but that I just don't believe that God actually does. We were given free will and my belief is that God is not going to compete with us; if we take back the reins and operate on our own will, God's going to step aside and allow that, in my opinion. So, when something unpalatable happens, I don't say "Gee, I guess that's God's will for me; I may not understand, but I can't see the bigger picture." Sometimes that may be appropriate, but sometimes the situation may simply be a result of someone else's free will that has impacted my life. Accepting that reality for what it is helps to keep me from getting all twisted. For instance, a friend's son recently died of a drug overdose. I honestly don't think that God "took" him for reasons unknown. I think the kid exerted free will and was not aligned with God's will, and therefore God stepped back and had nothing to do with this kid's death. It was a result of his own actions, plain and simple. See, I don't believe in a God that would take a kid from their parents; the God I believe in is loving and would not "will" that on anyone.

And, frankly, believing that this kid suffered consequences of his own actions, as opposed to it being God's will, is a lot easier for me to accept.

Not sure if I stuck to the topic, but that's what came out.....must be God's will!