A attempted suicide, need help

[mandalamama]

i'm not sure if i'm posting in the right place!

my alcoholic boyfriend (we've lived together 2 years) tried to hang himself 2 nights ago. he's in the hospital right now. before he attempted suicide he was blaming me for so many things.

i am fighting with not accepting the blame he was throwing at me, at the same time praying and praying and sooooo grateful he is alive!! i feel like i should forgive anything and everything from him simply because he's alive. just on Christmas he'd made a deep commitment to me, our relationship went up to a new level, we were so happy! he got very negative 2 days ago and i told him i felt hurt by his insults. then he said he would "warm up the rope" and just left.

i have no experience at all with suicide before this, not myself, not other people. i'm not sure what to do, he wants to come home, what questions should i ask him? i want to know me and my daughter can simply be safe. i want him to be in therapy of some kind. is that pushing it, to ask those things?

sorry i am so clueless

[dalin]

Hang in there and take care of you!
His issues are his,and you need to make some meetings.
You have to put yourself first in these situations.
Please,get to meetings and share!

[kaistevens]

You can't help him, he has want and get help for himself. And, no it is not too much to ask that he get help if he is going to re-enter your life.

A person who attempts suicide DOES need help, DOES need attention, and is in a lot of pain,...

BUT...

Suicide is a very selfish act, and very damaging to the people left to live with that persons decision. If he chooses not to get help, and keep himself at risk, then he is choosing to put everyone who loves him at risk. Neither you, nor your child needs to live in something like that.

Keep coming back. You are in my prayers.

[barbie25]

Keep sharing. I have tried to kill myself. the aftermath of this selfish act was horrible. I was 15. Now iam 32. Life is so much better now then it was then. I was a drunk and an addict. Now by Gods grace I am gratefully recovering. It is not your fault. You are not pushing it by telling him to get help. To keep you and your's safe that is what should happen. I will pray for you.

[mandalamama]

thank you all ... it's been up and down since he got home from the hospital. even though he apologized greatly and told me it was all about him, sometimes it sounds like he's starting to blame me in little ways, and i have to ask him directly "do you think any of it was my fault?" and he thinks for a long time! before saying no, it was all his actions. one night he started taking my inventory like crazy, telling me he's "always enabling me" yet couldn't define how he was enabling me when i asked him. later he apologized and said he was being protective.

i went to one CodA meeting locally, and liked it! but then i was sick last week, and today i found an excuse not to go (shopping for my daughter). i WILL go next week! i wish they had more than one meeting a week. but i WILL go!! i'm also busy with some volunteer opportunities, and homeschooling my daughter - things that make me really happy! i take time for myself late at night.

[JohnDaniels]

Hi mandalamama,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so pleased to hear that you took positive actions by going to a CodA meeting.

Many times it is initially not as easy as others make it sound for a person to take certain actions when a person is right in the middle of a very baffling situation. Good for you my friend for taking those actions.

I can tell you this with all the compassion and understanding in my heart, in my family we had a similar situation. We were really allowing it to effect every minute of our lives. I found relief in Alanon, a little at a time. At first I was confused, guilt ridden and obsessed over the famliy member in our situation. I was having a hard time concentrating on anything I was doing because I was obsessing over our families problem.

After a while in Alanon I noticed one day the relief and the healing taking place. It was when I was in the middle of rebuilding a race car engine and I was fully conscince of the task in front of me and I felt calm, serene and focused.

That has been my experience.

I understand where you are coming from. Maybe not the exact situation, but I understand the feelings which you have described which are one of the side effects of this thing called alcoholism. It effects the entire family and all those who surround the alcoholic. I only wish here to offer you support, hope and strength.

Keep up the positive steps my friend