Between the Extremes

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<b>Carol87</b> - Tue 14 Feb, 2006 12:47 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b>Between the Extremes<hr class="sep" width="95%">
"The real question is whether we can learn anything from our experiences upon which we may grow and help others to grow in the likeness and image of God.
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"We know that if we rebel against doing that which is reasonably possible for us, then we will be penalized. And we will be equally penalized if we presume in ourselves a perfection that simply is not there.
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"Apparently, the course of relative humility and progress will have to lie somewhere between these extremes. In our slow progress away from rebellion, true perfection is doubtless several millennia away."
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LETTER, 1959
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Page 159, As Bill Sees It
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<div style="text-align: center;">_________________________________________ _________</div>
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Today I'm right in the middle of extremes ... how to deal with unresolved and extreme anger and resentment with tolerance and love ...
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Excerpt from page 115 of Daily Reflections: " ... So well have the principles of the program been drummed into me that I keep thinking all of these defects are listed too. ... "
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In my attempts to be non-judgmental, I fail to set appropriate boundaries for myself and make clear that I cannot accept certain behaviors. I'm processing all of this with God's help but I'm curious ... how do you find balance between the extremes? <hr>
<b>Carol87</b> - Sat 18 Feb, 2006 11:03 am<br>
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I found this in some of my saved files this morning. My best friend and former sponsor continually encourages me to journal my feelings. I don't always follow that advice, but when I do, using a mini-fourth step form sent to me by a friend in recovery, it makes such a difference. And just verbally venting to another recovery friend lightens the load ....

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I would still like to hear how others find balance ...
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<div style="text-align: center;">***************************************** **</div><span style="color: darkred;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.E.H. Chapin
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When something or someone makes us angry and we deny it or ignore it, the anger can become resentment. Resentments hurt us because they make us suffer. They make us angry, negative, and short-tempered.
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The key to preventing resentments is to start expressing our feelings either verbally or in writing. We do this not to change the other person, but to unload from ourselves the poison of resentment. We can let go of it. We can be grateful that as we empty ourselves of negative things, the space will be filled with positive.

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Today let me express my feelings in a way that feels safe and then turn them over to my Higher Power.</span></span> <hr>
<b>janbear</b> - Sat 18 Feb, 2006 12:02 pm<br>
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Finding balance in my anger? This can be tough for me at times. If i can go to God while in my anger, before it gets to a resentment i am better for it. I also have a new tool that was sent to me by a good friend in recovery where i can vent in a Anger Journal. It has helped me. I have found for me personally, that venting to others, doesnt help me much , even though i still do it at times. I personally can vent all day to a person and i seem to just stay angry. I dont know why that doesnt work for me. I need more of that other person to bring me down to earth, than for me to vent. That's just me. I know it works for a lot of people. But i just shake and it gets worse. Again, thats just me. I need God, my workbook, and others to help me work through it and not around it, or ignore it. I vented to someone in early January about some anger building. They let me vent, but i really needed solutions. Today, i go to God, and to only others i feel will give me solutions. I definitely see no perfection here with me.
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But my God is a perfect God, when i stay focused on living the 11th step in my life, and i find myself getting a tad frustrated, thats when i do have the ability to take appropriate action, stay focused on who is really in charge. I don't know how to explain it very well, its those times that i can still talk to whoever i may be having a strained relationship with. Kinda of a little example of what i mean is that when i am chairing a meeting and there is crosstalk going on, God helps me nip in the bud appropriately without causing a scene on my part or creating animosity from the other. But when i am slacking on my program, its not pretty.
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So my balance comes mainly from my God. But also from journaling, my workbook, and solution-oriented friends. I am going to get angry, i am human. These are my ways of staying balanced in my anger so it doenst get out of hand. This was good for me to write about, to be honest, about how my anger can get out of hand. Its my biggest character defect. God isnt finished with me yet. Good topic, really made me reflect. <hr>
<b>Carol87</b> - Sat 18 Feb, 2006 12:13 pm<br>
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The same day I vented to my friend, I went to my Bible and found this in one of two daily devotional books I read on a regular basis. Really helped me. I have also concluded that I'm powerless over how others act but I am NOT POWERLESS over how I react and what behaviors I will or will not accept. No, that's not a new concept but I need to remind myself on a regular basis that I can follow the advice I so freely give to others ... SET BOUNDARIES!!
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Destructive Blowups
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A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11
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Mount Rainier and Mount St. Helens stand only fifty miles apart in the state of Washington. In contrast to the volatile and explosive Mount St. Helens, Mount Rainier has had few explosive eruptions in its history. Seismologists say the reason for the more peaceful profile of Mount Rainier is that, unlike Mount St. Helens, lava in Mount Rainier somehow is gradually released and does not build up and become pressurized.
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Many of us are not like Mount Rainier. The lava of anger in us often becomes pent up, and we detonate when stress incites us. Road rage, employees going ballistic, and fistfights at athletic events are all too common. "You need anger management" is heard today in school classrooms, corporate offices, military bases, courts of law, therapy sessions, and churches.
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We may learn to manage anger, but we cannot defuse it. We need the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ, to release and remove the intense pressure of anger in us. Christ works His composure in us, showing us His love, love the conquered all rage by His cross. In mercy, the Prince of Peace gives us His peace, which surpasses all understanding, when He said , "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you." (John 14:27)
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Prince of Peace, forgive us when we fail to restrain our anger, and give to us Your perfect peace. Amen</span> <hr>
<b>janbear</b> - Sat 18 Feb, 2006 1:02 pm<br>

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I love that verse, Carol. <img src="images/smiles/icon_lol.gif" alt="Laughing" border="0"> I guess that sometimes makes me a fool and sometimes i am wise <img src="images/smiles/icon_lol.gif" alt="Laughing" border="0">
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Setting boundaries with others is something i learned about some in therapy. I kinda forgot about that until now. Thanks for reminding me. Today i am pretty good about not running over people and not letting others run over me. Abuse comes in all forms, i dont deserve other's wrath, and they dont deserve mine either. This reminds of a time a few years back when another person in recovery started a rumor about me. I was mad about it, but a solution-oriented friend suggested praying the "Resentment Prayer". I did that and after about 3 weeks i was calm again. It was at that time i found myself going to them to talk about what is appropriate. I stayed calm, and they did too. Things worked out well. Now some would say i didnt need to go to him, just get over it and go on. For me personallyand due to the specific circumstances surrounding it, i needed to set a boundary. And the amazing thing was he ended up respecting me for me coming to him. i could <span style="font-weight: bold;">not</span>have done what i did without God's help. I used some of the tools i learned in therapy and the tools of the program to help me stand up for myself appropriately. I am also very big on respecting physical boundaries with others today. For so long i did not want to be touched at all, the people in the program were very patient with me and for the most part respected my wishes. Today i love to hug but i am still very aware of physical boundaries for myself and others. I always ask someone if i can hug them, i never force one on someone. I never know if they came from the same background i did. So there are different kinds of boundaries i set for me today.
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Yes, i am powerless over other's attitudes and actions, but with God's help and solution-minded friends, i can work on my on my actions, and reactions to how i handle it.
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All this just made me think of one of the promises: "We intuitively know how to handle things which use to baffle us"