Emotional Hangover - Cyber Recovery Social Network Forums

*admin* · 06-19-2006, 08:07 AM

bluidkiti:
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 10500

PostPosted: 06 May 2005 08:11 am
When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now. Our inventory enables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we are really able to leave it behind us. When our inventory is carefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves, the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can be met as they come.
Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time factor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s go in for annual or semiannual housecleanings. Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation.
Aren't these practices joy-killers as well as time-consumers? Must A.A.'s spend most of their waking hours drearily rehashing their sins of omission or commission? Well, hardly. The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than something unusual or set apart.
It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
12 X 12, pp. 88-90

What do you do when you have an emotional hangover?
_________________

scots bill:

Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Posts: 399
Location: cleveland,england

PostPosted: 06 May 2005 01:35 pm Post subject: Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post View IP address of poster
bluidkiti hi
emotional hang over, or dry drunk,i've had a few ,usualy comes on me when i get lazy with my programe. or some thing some place or some person is not conforming to my expectations, this only lasts as long
as i'm willing to envolve my god. and start accepting instead of expecting
love in recovery BILL ok smile grin hug angel
_________________

fibiray:

Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW

PostPosted: 06 May 2005 09:51 pm
I use to have many of these emotional hangovers. As it has been described in the post, this is due an EXCESS OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. For me negative emotions was a natural as it was to breath in and out. I had to learn in recovery that I had to change these. Being aware of my thought processes and prayer and meditation help me in overcoming these negative emotions.
As an alcoholic, I had unfortunately learnt many negative habits some of which include being lazy and negative emotions. Whenever a situation occurs, I use to react rather than act, and often I would react with negative emotions such as anger, self pity, pride, ego and selfishness. Today things are much different. Once I was able to recognise these habits I was able to do something about them. But the big things was recognising them. I had to get to the core of my emotions and find out why I reacted they way I did, In some cases there were an underlying issue and defect. In other cases it was learnt behviour that I had to change.

chow chow grin
_________________

Janbear:
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 5527

PostPosted: 07 May 2005 06:59 am
Quote:
direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.

I have had many in sobriety and i am just getting over one due to the negative emotion- fear. It was lovingly pointed out to me that i was having an emotional hangover because of the situation with my hubby. Unfortunately, for me personally i dont tend to notice that i am having one until someome points it out. Once i realize it for what it is that is when i can better turn it over to God. My hope is that i can grow in recognizing it in myself and turn it over and use my support system. I thank God for the people in my life that support me in my crisis and can help guide me through it.

*admin* · 05-29-2008, 08:27 AM

bluidkiti
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 10500

PostPosted: 19 Sep 2005 04:49 am
I was just reading some about emotional turmoil. I have been through that recently. I can tell you it is exhausting - leaving me with an emotional hangover - which just reminded me of Step 10 on pp. 88-89. In the beginning my sponsor had me read those pages over and over everytime I came to her with an emotional situation that was going on in my life at the time.

Here are a few more links I just found to pass on:
http://www.emotionalfitness-uk.com/w...tisefframe.htm
http://www.kriyayoga.com/english/on_...ings/peace.htm

Anyone else been having emotional turmoil?
_________________

fibiray

Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW

PostPosted: 19 Sep 2005 08:21 am
Often I find that when i have emotional turmoil it is due to one of several reasons. Either I have not accepted the things I cannot change, or I am reacting rather than acting in a situation, or I have allow for negative thinking take control or I have given my power away at some point. I also find that when I have gone through it I then have a time of great peace as my reward for learning the lessons that I needed to learn.

thats me

chow chow Wink
_________________

Janbear
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 5531

PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 09:07 am
yes, emotional turmoil, i know it well, it sure reminds that i am still alive when all feelings are stirring inside. But i also know that walking through it with my HP and others that there is peace on the other side. There is something that always can rock my boat but it is how i deal with it that determines the extent of my suffering.

Are bluidkiti, fibirary, and i the only ones that experiences emtional turmoil? I have trouble believing that. We are all human.
Isn't anyone else out there got the guts enough to say, I have emotional turmoil at times, that every thing is not always wonderful.? Do ya'll always make the right choices? Janbear, here, doesnt. I screw up.
I use to wear masks, facades. I took mine off quite a big ago. After my first relapse after a 1/12 years clean and sober and then i came back in someone told me they were shocked, they said to me "I thought you were picture perfect AA" . Yes, even in recovery, we wear masks, it does me no good mentally and spiritually and emotionally to pretend to be something i am not. I still did it after i came back after a while, then i relapsed again 6and 1/2 years later. My sponsor i had when i got back said to me, "Quit bullsh*tting and say what is really going on" That one statement was a turning point for me. Thats when "To Thine Ownself, Be true" started taking effect in my life. I still get in some turmoil, read my journal, its there. Anybody else out there real? to think own self to think own self
_________________

fibiray

Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW

PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 04:28 pm
This is so true, my life can still be just as unmanageable today as what it was in drinking. I know this because as an alcoholic I am extremely sensitive and have tendencies to react rather than act towards people places and situations. Like it has been said I am human too subject to all the human conditions ( grief, anger, menopause, health) and these all affect me. I would be fundamentally dead if I didn't get affected. If I have learnt one thing from when I first come into aa and that was to be honest. I spend many years not speaking my truth and have suffered for this There is nothing worse than sitting in meetings with a secret. As bill W says you are only as sick as your secrets. By being honest and forthright this is how I stumble across other people who have been through similar experiences. I don't waste my time with the so called "ladies" that drank like ladies in AA nor do I bother with people that have perfect homes, perfect children, perfect jobs, perfect husbands. This is not me and all it does is make me feel inadequate unnecessarily. It is about being honest with me for if I am not honest with me how can I be honest with anyone else.

chow chow ok
_________________

Janbear
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 5531

PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 04:52 pm
Quote:
I spend many years not speaking my truth and have suffered for this
nod

Quote:
It is about being honest with me for if I am not honest with me how can I be honest with anyone else.
nod

Thanks once again for sharing fibiray hug You are so kewl Cool
_________________

peajaye
Moderator

Joined: 06 Aug 2005
Posts: 677

PostPosted: 27 Sep 2005 12:52 am
I didn't see this yesterday or I would have jumped right in because I have had and continue to have emotional turmoil. I will even manufacture it. I attribute in part to my mental illness, but the truth is bad behavior is just that, bad behavior.

I have always considered myself to be a person of passion. I feel deeply, I hurt deeply, I experience joy unspeakable. Not much time spent boringly just ok without being way up or way down. The psych says that needs to be my goal, but not where I choose to be. oops

So I create situations which initially will put me over the top, but then because it was a poor choice in the first place, consequences will send me spiraling. Sounds like the cycle of addiction.
_________________

bry
Moderator

Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 1439

PostPosted: 27 Sep 2005 03:44 pm
Someone hit it on the head when they said ngative thinking leads to emotional turmoil. For me it's exactly that thinking leading to self worth problems, self pity, anger and the whole nine yards. People always talk about control issues and it's taken me a long time to realize the only thing I have control over is my thinking. How I act or react to anything is totally based on how I process it. That's why I pray for guidance and God's will because my own thinking stinks lol
Bry
_________________

bluidkiti
Site Admin

Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 10500

PostPosted: 28 Sep 2005 11:55 am
Today's thought is:

"I was lucky," a man explained to me. "One of my first mentors in life made me practice serenity. Whenever I'd call him in full-blown panic mode or with that frantic tone in my voice, he'd refuse to talk to me until I calmed myself down.

"'Go get centered,' he'd tell me. 'Then we'll talk.'" Sometimes we need help working through our panic, anxiety, and fear. Find someone to talk to who will support serenity, rather than feed anxiety. Learn to recognize turmoil and urgency in your body, speech, emotions, and thought. Learn what it feels like to be centered and calm. Practicing serenity is a learned behavior and an art.

Action:

When you find yourself in turmoil, stop what you are doing. Take deliberate steps to relax. Talk to a friend, say the Serenity Prayer or any favorite prayer, breathe, meditate, feel any emotions you need to feel. Calming yourself may feel awkward at first, nearly impossible. (Some people may need professional help to deal with anxiety and panic, if it's chronic and continual.) Over time and with practice, you will discover ways to calm yourself, the way a loving parent learns to calm a fretting child.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie
_________________

cassie
Moderator

Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 1029

PostPosted: 28 Sep 2005 02:32 pm
Quote:
Are bluidkiti, fibirary, and i the only ones that experiences emtional turmoil?

I don't think so Janbear. As an alcoholic, I became an adrenalin junkie. Every minute had to be thrilling or I would get bored and "make things exciting." Everything was a "big deal" to me. In doing so, I hurt a lot of people with my behavior. I have a friend whose motto is:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, coffee in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

In recovery, I search daily for the balance between the excitement and the serenity. Doing all the things I need to do and going to any length to stay sober isn't always easy to do. This program and my Higher Power is what I turn to when the emotions start to churn. That is what pulls me back to reality and helps me to control my thoughts and stay positive.

Just my 2 cents.

*admin* · 05-29-2008, 08:30 AM

I brought these topics back up to the top because I have just recently been through emotional turmoil which left me with an emotional hangover. I am still in the process of recovering from it slowly one day at a time with the help of God, folks here and AA.

Does anyone else have any experience, strength and hope they would like to share on emotional turmoil and emotional hangover?

06-19-2006, 08:07 AM	#1
admin Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 28,249	Emotional Turmoil / Emotional Hangover bluidkiti: Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 10500 PostPosted: 06 May 2005 08:11 am When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now. Our inventory enables us to settle with the past. When this is done, we are really able to leave it behind us. When our inventory is carefully taken, and we have made peace with ourselves, the conviction follows that tomorrow's challenges can be met as they come. Although all inventories are alike in principle, the time factor does distinguish one from another. There's the spot check inventory, taken at any time of the day, whenever we find ourselves getting tangled up. There's the one we take at day's end, when we review the happenings of the hours just past. Here we cast up a balance sheet, crediting ourselves with things well done, and chalking up debits where due. Then there are those occasions when alone, or in the company of our sponsor or spiritual adviser, we make a careful review of our progress since the last time. Many A.A.'s go in for annual or semiannual housecleanings. Many of us also like the experience of an occasional retreat from the outside world where we can quiet down for an undisturbed day or so of self-overhaul and meditation. Aren't these practices joy-killers as well as time-consumers? Must A.A.'s spend most of their waking hours drearily rehashing their sins of omission or commission? Well, hardly. The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has become grooved, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than something unusual or set apart. It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. 12 X 12, pp. 88-90 What do you do when you have an emotional hangover? _________________ scots bill: Joined: 08 Apr 2005 Posts: 399 Location: cleveland,england PostPosted: 06 May 2005 01:35 pm Post subject: Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post View IP address of poster bluidkiti hi emotional hang over, or dry drunk,i've had a few ,usualy comes on me when i get lazy with my programe. or some thing some place or some person is not conforming to my expectations, this only lasts as long as i'm willing to envolve my god. and start accepting instead of expecting love in recovery BILL ok smile grin hug angel _________________ fibiray: Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 515 Location: Australia Central Coast NSW PostPosted: 06 May 2005 09:51 pm I use to have many of these emotional hangovers. As it has been described in the post, this is due an EXCESS OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. For me negative emotions was a natural as it was to breath in and out. I had to learn in recovery that I had to change these. Being aware of my thought processes and prayer and meditation help me in overcoming these negative emotions. As an alcoholic, I had unfortunately learnt many negative habits some of which include being lazy and negative emotions. Whenever a situation occurs, I use to react rather than act, and often I would react with negative emotions such as anger, self pity, pride, ego and selfishness. Today things are much different. Once I was able to recognise these habits I was able to do something about them. But the big things was recognising them. I had to get to the core of my emotions and find out why I reacted they way I did, In some cases there were an underlying issue and defect. In other cases it was learnt behviour that I had to change. chow chow grin _________________ Janbear: Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 5527 PostPosted: 07 May 2005 06:59 am Quote: direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion--anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. I have had many in sobriety and i am just getting over one due to the negative emotion- fear. It was lovingly pointed out to me that i was having an emotional hangover because of the situation with my hubby. Unfortunately, for me personally i dont tend to notice that i am having one until someome points it out. Once i realize it for what it is that is when i can better turn it over to God. My hope is that i can grow in recognizing it in myself and turn it over and use my support system. I thank God for the people in my life that support me in my crisis and can help guide me through it.

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05-29-2008, 08:27 AM	#2
admin Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 28,249	bluidkiti Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 10500 PostPosted: 19 Sep 2005 04:49 am I was just reading some about emotional turmoil. I have been through that recently. I can tell you it is exhausting - leaving me with an emotional hangover - which just reminded me of Step 10 on pp. 88-89. In the beginning my sponsor had me read those pages over and over everytime I came to her with an emotional situation that was going on in my life at the time. Here are a few more links I just found to pass on: http://www.emotionalfitness-uk.com/w...tisefframe.htm http://www.kriyayoga.com/english/on_...ings/peace.htm Anyone else been having emotional turmoil? _________________ fibiray Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 515 Location: Australia Central Coast NSW PostPosted: 19 Sep 2005 08:21 am Often I find that when i have emotional turmoil it is due to one of several reasons. Either I have not accepted the things I cannot change, or I am reacting rather than acting in a situation, or I have allow for negative thinking take control or I have given my power away at some point. I also find that when I have gone through it I then have a time of great peace as my reward for learning the lessons that I needed to learn. thats me chow chow Wink _________________ Janbear Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 5531 PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 09:07 am yes, emotional turmoil, i know it well, it sure reminds that i am still alive when all feelings are stirring inside. But i also know that walking through it with my HP and others that there is peace on the other side. There is something that always can rock my boat but it is how i deal with it that determines the extent of my suffering. Are bluidkiti, fibirary, and i the only ones that experiences emtional turmoil? I have trouble believing that. We are all human. Isn't anyone else out there got the guts enough to say, I have emotional turmoil at times, that every thing is not always wonderful.? Do ya'll always make the right choices? Janbear, here, doesnt. I screw up. I use to wear masks, facades. I took mine off quite a big ago. After my first relapse after a 1/12 years clean and sober and then i came back in someone told me they were shocked, they said to me "I thought you were picture perfect AA" . Yes, even in recovery, we wear masks, it does me no good mentally and spiritually and emotionally to pretend to be something i am not. I still did it after i came back after a while, then i relapsed again 6and 1/2 years later. My sponsor i had when i got back said to me, "Quit bullsh*tting and say what is really going on" That one statement was a turning point for me. Thats when "To Thine Ownself, Be true" started taking effect in my life. I still get in some turmoil, read my journal, its there. Anybody else out there real? to think own self to think own self _________________ fibiray Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 515 Location: Australia Central Coast NSW PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 04:28 pm This is so true, my life can still be just as unmanageable today as what it was in drinking. I know this because as an alcoholic I am extremely sensitive and have tendencies to react rather than act towards people places and situations. Like it has been said I am human too subject to all the human conditions ( grief, anger, menopause, health) and these all affect me. I would be fundamentally dead if I didn't get affected. If I have learnt one thing from when I first come into aa and that was to be honest. I spend many years not speaking my truth and have suffered for this There is nothing worse than sitting in meetings with a secret. As bill W says you are only as sick as your secrets. By being honest and forthright this is how I stumble across other people who have been through similar experiences. I don't waste my time with the so called "ladies" that drank like ladies in AA nor do I bother with people that have perfect homes, perfect children, perfect jobs, perfect husbands. This is not me and all it does is make me feel inadequate unnecessarily. It is about being honest with me for if I am not honest with me how can I be honest with anyone else. chow chow ok _________________ Janbear Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 5531 PostPosted: 25 Sep 2005 04:52 pm Quote: I spend many years not speaking my truth and have suffered for this nod Quote: It is about being honest with me for if I am not honest with me how can I be honest with anyone else. nod Thanks once again for sharing fibiray hug You are so kewl Cool _________________ peajaye Moderator Joined: 06 Aug 2005 Posts: 677 PostPosted: 27 Sep 2005 12:52 am I didn't see this yesterday or I would have jumped right in because I have had and continue to have emotional turmoil. I will even manufacture it. I attribute in part to my mental illness, but the truth is bad behavior is just that, bad behavior. I have always considered myself to be a person of passion. I feel deeply, I hurt deeply, I experience joy unspeakable. Not much time spent boringly just ok without being way up or way down. The psych says that needs to be my goal, but not where I choose to be. oops So I create situations which initially will put me over the top, but then because it was a poor choice in the first place, consequences will send me spiraling. Sounds like the cycle of addiction. _________________ bry Moderator Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 1439 PostPosted: 27 Sep 2005 03:44 pm Someone hit it on the head when they said ngative thinking leads to emotional turmoil. For me it's exactly that thinking leading to self worth problems, self pity, anger and the whole nine yards. People always talk about control issues and it's taken me a long time to realize the only thing I have control over is my thinking. How I act or react to anything is totally based on how I process it. That's why I pray for guidance and God's will because my own thinking stinks lol Bry _________________ bluidkiti Site Admin Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 10500 PostPosted: 28 Sep 2005 11:55 am Today's thought is: "I was lucky," a man explained to me. "One of my first mentors in life made me practice serenity. Whenever I'd call him in full-blown panic mode or with that frantic tone in my voice, he'd refuse to talk to me until I calmed myself down. "'Go get centered,' he'd tell me. 'Then we'll talk.'" Sometimes we need help working through our panic, anxiety, and fear. Find someone to talk to who will support serenity, rather than feed anxiety. Learn to recognize turmoil and urgency in your body, speech, emotions, and thought. Learn what it feels like to be centered and calm. Practicing serenity is a learned behavior and an art. Action: When you find yourself in turmoil, stop what you are doing. Take deliberate steps to relax. Talk to a friend, say the Serenity Prayer or any favorite prayer, breathe, meditate, feel any emotions you need to feel. Calming yourself may feel awkward at first, nearly impossible. (Some people may need professional help to deal with anxiety and panic, if it's chronic and continual.) Over time and with practice, you will discover ways to calm yourself, the way a loving parent learns to calm a fretting child. You are reading from the book: 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie _________________ cassie Moderator Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1029 PostPosted: 28 Sep 2005 02:32 pm Quote: Are bluidkiti, fibirary, and i the only ones that experiences emtional turmoil? I don't think so Janbear. As an alcoholic, I became an adrenalin junkie. Every minute had to be thrilling or I would get bored and "make things exciting." Everything was a "big deal" to me. In doing so, I hurt a lot of people with my behavior. I have a friend whose motto is: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, coffee in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" In recovery, I search daily for the balance between the excitement and the serenity. Doing all the things I need to do and going to any length to stay sober isn't always easy to do. This program and my Higher Power is what I turn to when the emotions start to churn. That is what pulls me back to reality and helps me to control my thoughts and stay positive. Just my 2 cents.

05-29-2008, 08:30 AM	#3
admin Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 28,249	I brought these topics back up to the top because I have just recently been through emotional turmoil which left me with an emotional hangover. I am still in the process of recovering from it slowly one day at a time with the help of God, folks here and AA. Does anyone else have any experience, strength and hope they would like to share on emotional turmoil and emotional hangover?