Shyness

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lightlover:


Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385


PostPosted: 09 May 2005 01:29 pm
I am an alcoholic used drugs and alcohol to cover up the fact that I am a very shy girl. Now that I am not using, I still constantly feeling the need to impress and entertain. But if I'm not asking people about themselves, I find that I don't have a whole lot to say! Anybody out there got any tips with how you deal with the discomfort that comes from feeling the need to entertain, and how to accept that silence is OK? I have such fears that I will be experienced as the most boring person alive now. :)
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scots bill:



Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Posts: 399
Location: cleveland,england

PostPosted: 09 May 2005 02:31 pm
hi frankie
you rung a few bells with this share, me, i was very shy and
introverted most of my life, when i found alcohol at sixteen that cured the shyness for a good few years, then i stopped drinking and all the shyness
and fears returned .in aa it took me two years at least to get my eyes of the floor and hold eye contact. i thought i would be boring uninteresting,
what would people want to talk to me for, all this previous stuff was to do with the fear of rejection, so i would not approach or try to converse with any one incase they rejected me, it took me some time to get any self worth , this came as my relationship with god improved, which was when
i realised god did't make rubbish, and i was exactly the person god wanted me to be. i went through the trying to impress as well,this has also got its base in rejection. if i impress you . you will like me. and if you like me you will accept me.and if you accept me you will not reject me,all weird stuff but fear based. the silence you talked about i also found uncomfortable and i often felt i had to fill the gaps in any conversations i had .inow accept me as i am. i can enjoy the moment i can even enjoy the silence, i no longer feel the need to fill the silence. the way i deal with things now didn't happen over night ,practicing the aa principals has developed a coping mechanism and different attitudes... my goodness
these couple of lines have turned into a book... love in recovery BILL
ok hug smile
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bry:
Moderator


Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 1439


PostPosted: 09 May 2005 06:11 pm
Frankie,
I used to think I was shy. For me after doing another 4th step I can see it's all fear. Being the thin skinned,selfish, self-centered alcoholic that I am I want everyone to like me. If I open up to someone maybe they won't, then what?
Well in practice I'm finding, that with my fears, If I face them the outcome is always positive. Even if I'm not liked I don't have that fear of not knowing anymore, that in itself is a relief.
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with this every day. Like a lot of other things, Knowing what to do and doing it isn't always easy. I just have to pray and try a day at a time Wink
Bry
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lightlover:



Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385


PostPosted: 10 May 2005 09:40 am
Bry -

Thanks for sharing, that makes a lot of sense to me. I am in the process of writing my 4th Step via materials posted on this amazing board. I know that I need to commit to a sponsor, so far I have only made "friends" with several good hearted souls who have been in the program for a while and who generously share with me the benefit of their wisdom. I don't know why I'm so scared to do this ... I think it's because we are encouraged to get a sponsor of the same sex, and my mother is the most negative, critical person (who thinks that she is not lol) person in the world ... I am scared of disappointing or getting rebuked for messing up. I guess I should pray for God to send me the right sponsor, eh? :)

Neverthelss, I'm looking forward to taking the 4th Step and will let you know how I feel afterwards.
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bry
Moderator


Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 1439


PostPosted: 10 May 2005 10:09 am
Frankie,
Like I said, it isn't always easy, facing the fear always has a positive result. Wink
Bry