Hi Family...Building Personal Boundries

[dalin]

Sorry I am a day late.
My topic for the week is setting personal boundries.
I know that learning to set boundries can be complicated,and
if can be difficult now matter how long you have been around.
I know that my lack of boundries is the end result of
a whole lot of crammed emotions and stuffed feelings,that
were saturated with bad habbits and attitudes.
So,anyone with any easy ways to begin setting boundries is welcomed to participate.
Boundaries are extremely important in relationships because they allow us to know when we will "offend" someone, and when someone will "offend" us. Boundaries, allow each of us to have our own personal space. When someone crosses your relationship boundary, you may feel angry, threatened, or hurt. Caring about these limits for yourself and your partners allows your relationships to be constructive, functional and healthy.

Boundaries are about knowing how to have healthy relationships and interactions with others. If you are thinking about ending your relationship (breakup, separation, firing or divorce) then you may have let boundary issues build up. Enforcing boundaries means verbally (or on paper in case of employment) establishing the "groundrules" in a relationship. These rules, of course, are different for all relationships.

As recovering folks we think in extremes.We often under or overreact to what we perceive "normal" to be.
I once was the perpetual "victim",giving all my power away.Hey,I even had professional writers,and recovery
literature to co-sighn my bullcrap.
Only after working and reworking the principles of recovery am I able to clear out those old ideas and attitudes
that held me hostage.
Now,refocusing on boundries is much welcomed by myself.
What do boundries mean to you?

[david monteith]

hello , my name is david , i am an alcoholic.
thank you dalin for the weekly topic.
to get straight to the problem of boundaries,and of course it is a problem for me,even though on the surface i have a great life and a good recovery,it is one of those areas that sort of exists in an area of which i am not always aware. i do not set boundaries and i pay the price,and i am only becoming aware of that as i sit and reply to your topic. it is funny,that if i reply immediately i am sometimes more in tune with my thoughts.
the area in which i struggle most is in the office,people above me,people below me,it doesn't matter, i don't often get it right and it always leaves me in no-mans land, feeling misunderstood,disliked etc etc,a bad space,a place where i slip backwards emotionally,it has a big impact on me and sometimes takes a while to drop the thought process.
i once read a book called the white tribe of africa,a history of the arrikaaners(dutch immigrants) in south africa.the opening statement read 'good fences make good neighbours' ,i think that applies here.
setting boundaries is,not only necessary, it is spiritually healthy,i know that to be true.
once again thank you for your effort dalin,you have given me somethingto think about for the next few days.especially since i am starting a new job on monday,i will try to apply this
david

[lightning]

Consider a person approaches you reaching out towards you..before the program I would have reacted defensively and gaurding my personal boundry..an imaginary space that allows me peace and comfort..separation from others..now a member of AA other members are often approaching me to hug and greet..I no longer need that space of separation..we are one together..hopefully I carry this attitude into all my recovery life..we are more similar than differant...I'm not alone..I welcome you all into my space,mentally,emotionally,spiritually...and thank you for being there...

[sioux]

Good morning world!

As the owner of an alcoholic personality, I must admit that if you drew a line in the sand and dared me anything, I'd kick the dirt in your eyes and jump over, pushing you to the ground, and taking whatever I wanted from you. What a gal.

As the owner of a desire to quit drinking, when I heard the statement, "If you want what we have, please take it from us and run with it." I know that's not exactly what they said, but that's what I heard.

As the owner of someone who desires emotional recovery, I have learned that I must set boundaries for myself. I have done enough Step work to understand and accept some certain facts about myself. I am a theif, and I love the easier softer way. If I can steal some vicarious living, bust a move on your souse, walk away with a suitcase full of valuables, or become your emotional shoulders, I am crossing boundaries.

I hear people all the time say "you gotta set boundaries with this person or that situation." No, not me. I gotta set boundaries for Sioux. That's what keeps me loveable in a bad situation. I can't avoid people, places and things. I have to deal with them, and I can't do that by avoiding them or using old tricks and techniques. I have to like me in these situations, and so that is motivation enough to realize that when someone sends me an inappropriate email at work, I can hit the delete key rather than pass it on, take them on, read it, share it, confront them.

Just one example of not accepting the dare today.

Praying for a brighter future.

Sioux