Weekly meeting 2/7-13th

[allaflutter]

Hi everyone. I am an alcoholic and my name is allaflutter.

Topic this week is acceptance. On Pg 30 of our Big Book states: 'We had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery."


I had to accept the fact I was alcoholic before I could begin to heal and recover. Once i accpted that and accpted the other tools of recovery and began to work the principles into my life I was then able to learn how to accept life on life's terms.

Life isn't always fair...But it is a gift. in early recovery we were in the 3rd edition -- the priniple of acceptance was on pg 449. I heard the suggestion to refer to that page so often I wanted to throw up. today i see acceptance as the pathway to freedom, peace and serenity. regardless of the chaos that may be going on around me when I accept it as being a part of the larger picture and that there is a Power Greater than myself in control only then do i find the peace within me that everything is as it should be.

Thank you for allowing me to share. And thank you all for being on this tremendous journey with me.

[JohnDaniels]

Thank you "allaflutter",



I like the topic of "acceptance" which you have chosen for this meeting.

I like what you said about life not always being fair, but it is a gift. I can attest to that with story after story in my own journey.

I can tell storys all day long of my drinking escapades and how I came out of them to live this blessed life I live today, while my drinking buddies and family members from those same escapades didn't make it. They are now dead, either from over-doses, alcohol related diseases which led them to their deaths, some of them were murdered and some of them took their own lives.

One thing they all had in common was the thought that seems to be so universal with all those who do not make it into recovery. That is the thought that, "My case is different!" and "I am not that bad!" It as if AA is not up to their standards. My sister and her daughter took their own life a few years ago with that same thought that AA was not up to their standards and they were just not that bad. They chased the dragon all the way to their deaths believing and having convinced themselves that AA was not up to their standards and that they were just not as bad off as the rest of us who are in AA.

Don't get me wrong here, I am certainly no better of a person for doing what I am doing. Heck, alcoholism and an alcoholic death are just right outside my door doing push-ups. ALL of the things from that old life are just right outside my door getting stronger. ALL of them. Just the same as it is with any other alcoholic who has gone to their death thinking AA was not good enough, or that they were just not as bad off as those goofy alcohlolics in AA.

Alcohol is CUNNING! BAFFLING! POWERFUL! - We hear it read at the opening of every AA meeting, but hearing it read and understanding it is another thing. Alcoholism is SO POWERFUL it has the power to tell me I don't have alcoholism. So when we concede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics, just what are we conceding to?

I believe it encompasses this; In my case, at that first meeting and many of the initial AA meetings I felt so lost, so alone, I had fell so far down a cold dark hole that I never thought I would get out and I wanted so desperately to belong and so desperately to fit in. I had never truely belonged or fit in anywhere in my entire life. So at those first meetings when the rest of them all said their name and they were "alcoholics", I said it too. Heck, if they'd have said, "My name is Ivan Oder and I am a Communist" I'd have said it too if I thought I'd have been accepted.

I know not everyone is like that. I have known allot of really smart people who came into the program over the years who simply refused to say those words. They sure were smart though. Eventually they were so smart they walked back out the doors because AA was not up to their standards. I mentioned many of them already and they all died. But they were smart.

I am so glad that I was so dumb when I arrived and that I was not as smart as those others were because I got to live.

Now, have been a bit cynical, but it is to make a point about how willing I was to give up the fight. I was willing to crawl through 5 miles of broken glass on my hands and knees, just to eat crap off a plate it that was what it took to get sober and to be happy at the same time. Heck, I didn't know I'd even wind up happy, I just didn't want to live in that insane world anymore and I was willing to do anything to get out of that old lifestyle. And I did. I have sponsored many people over the years. I also I know there are some really smart people who have been crtical of my ways of getting sober. But like I said, they're dead now. If I'd have done it their way, I would be dead too.

Eventually I did learn what an alcohloic is and what alcoholism is. So that state of conceding to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic, took many stages of awareness and learning. It was a state of mind. At first it meant giving up the fight and asking God for help. That help came immediately when I asked for it with all my heart. I eventually went to AA, got a sponsor who was able to explain to me exactly what I was saying when I said my name and that I was an alcoholic. It was explained to me and it stuck with me. It was explaind by a my sponosr who got his message from Bill W, that certain thoughts and feelings can set me up to take a drink before I even realize what has happened. It IS cunning, baffling and powerful.

When I started Step 1, I was drunk at work. I didn't know at the time I was even taking Step 1, or even a part of Step 2, but it was because I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and I turned my life over to God. I laid my head down on my folded arms on my work desk and burst into tears and prayer. Within minutes a man from AA was standing there who had just been transfered to my same evening shift. He fed me AA a little at a time over the next 8 months and I got into AA 8 months later. See, I don't believe God only listens to sober members of any group only when they live by certain standards... I believe he listens to wet drunks and addicts who are down there and really up against it.

Wet drunks and addicts are hurting and really need God the most and I just don't believe God turns his back on them/us just because we are not living up to a set of rules that we are totally unaware of. That pain comes from way down deep inside of us and I think that just might be what God is truely intersted in. In my opinion of course.

I do believe the 12 steps in their long form in the 12 & 12 book were inspired by God through prayer because the man who wrote them did not know enough to write them. In fact he was ill at the time he wrote them and he prayed for inspiration. I believe God was also doing for him what he could not do for himself.

When I concede to my innermost self, I am being as honest with myself as I know how to be. It is a state of mind that never stops, because to fully accept the fact that I could not have arrived at my station in life on my own self knowldge requires the ability to be humble and to realize I am not in charge. Being humble and having humility is that ability to be teachable. I am so glad that I was not too smart to be teachable.

Today, 29 years later, just as that night I laid my head on my desk and gave up the fight, I continue to give thanks to God for answering my prayers. That night I gave up the fight in a drunken state of mind and body, just as today, as I set here sober and aware, I thank God for doing for me what I could not do for myself. I am so grateful that I have never been too smart for this program.

[allaflutter]

John

Thank You for sharing. You have a powerful message.

[eve3]

untill i could accept the fact that i was an alcoholic/addictt i could not stay clean/or sober.....i had to completly surrender!!!!!! thank u allaflutter!!!!!im in a hurry allls i had time to share,ty

[allaflutter]

Thank You Eve, for sharing

[craig]

When I got sober,the infamous paragraphs began on page 449 of the 3rd edition of Big Book published in 1976. Then 25 years later, in October 2001, the 4th edition of our Big Book was published. The passage on acceptance began on page 417 with the title of the story changed to "Acceptance Was The Answer". What has been crucial in maintaining sobriety is that although it was imperative in admitting I was an alcoholic (and my life is unmanageable);it was of deeper significance to ACCEPT at my core level that I am an alcoholic.

[allaflutter]

Thank you Craig

[sioux]

Acceptance is tricky business. Once I knew a guy who took his sponsees down to the part of town where the drunks live on the streets and under bridges. Son, he'd say, that's what you call acceptance. These folks have accepted their situation, so be wary of the acceptance deal without praying first for some wisdom.

I have never forgotton that. I had a lot of acceptance. The story of my life before getting into recovery was this must be my lot in life. It was cast and I got it, so there ya go, I am what I am.

Then I got to AA and I didn't accept the disease theory for a lot of years and managed to stay sober, take steps to change my life. And I had a good life.

Then one day a friend of mine with many many years of sobriety and what I would have thought as a stranger on the outside looking in, a good life. He blew his head off. Then another guy shortly thereafter did the same thing, with even more time and recovery under his belt.

I started to accept this was a disease, this alcholism, and I have this thing too. But I am still wary of accepting unacceptable behavior as I believe that is the part of insanity that is so elusive and subtle. That's why I run ideas past someone else, like a sponsor or trusted friend. Then together we figure out where is the wisdom, where is the courage to change or accept this situation.

I don't go it alone today. I don't have to.

Sioux

[admin]

Like you, allaflutter, I had to accept I was an alcoholic and drug addict. I had to accept what that meant. Took me a few years. With acceptance, like Eve, I had to totally surrender. I can't, He can, I will let Him. As life goes on, there are other things that pop up that I have had to accept. I don't always do it easily but do it eventually with the help of God, family and friends - one day at a time.

[allaflutter]

Thank You Sioux and bluidkitti...So true..."I am what I am."

Another part of acceptance for me today is, in fact, staying in the ever present precious moment. Each moment is a gift. I do not get to say, "God it is not the right time, or it is too small or too large, or....' Life often isn't fair and it is not always tied with a bow...Bit it is indeed a gift.