2-14-08 to 2-20-08 Topic Meeting - "A Program of Action"

[JohnDaniels]

I've heard AA called a Spiritual Program, a Living Program, a 12 Step Program, an Honest Program. I even heard a man in a prison one time call it a Million Dollar Program and we get it plugged into us a nickle and a dime at a time.

I like to call it a Program of Action, but no matter how we refer to our program, it does require action.

For me it is a Program of Action. The first initial steps did not require taking all that many actions on my part other than admitting and accepting I was an alcoholic.

From then on the steps I took required action on my part. Taking that journey inward with God and my sponsor required action. Taking that 4th and 5th step required as much honesty as I could muster up. I learned things in my inventory that I could have never learned by my own self knowledge. For example, I had previously thought I was a ladies man. Come to find out I was a pervert. Seriously, it told me that on page 69 in my Big Book.

Many of my actions were the result of learning I ought to be making some painful, yet neccessary changes.

The biggest change though came when I came to understand what selfishness was and that I had been very selfish in my past relationships. Selfishness and self centerness were the root cause of all of my problems.

Finding these truths out for me, was not intended to be used to beat myself over the head as just being worthless. Finding these truths out about myself was to allow me to change spiritually into a better man.

Making those changes would require action on my part. I could not just sit and think my way out of selfishness. For me to get away from selfishness required me to become a selfless person and there again, I could not just sit and think my way into selflessness. It required action.

Action and self discipline were things I had to learn. I began by doing things for others to make their lives better and easier even though I didn't really want to. The real kicker was that I was not allowed to tell anyone about what I did, because that would be grandstanding and that would delete the entire purpose of the exercise.

It would have done no good to perform a good deed to make someone elses life better, then to stand there and say, "Look what I did! Aren't I great?"

Taking those actions eventually became a habit, then they eventually made me feel a warmth in my bosom, and they eventually led to a personallity change on my part.

To get out of my depression also required action. I had been hospitalized on countless occasions for 3 to 6 months at a time for depression in my drinking daze. In sobriety I learned to develope an attitude of gratitude. That is because I cannot be depressed and grateful at the same time. Learning through self discipline and action, my depression eventually went away and I became a very grateful man.

Being a Program of Action, requires me to take actions even when I don't feel like taking those actions. It means speaking when I'm asked to speak even when I don't feel like speaking. It means living this thing in the real world and letting the guy in the other lane in front of me even when I don't want to. It means when my wife goes to the store I am to load that dish washer for her and not tell her I did it.

I have found as one of the results of taking those actions even when I don't want to, my wife and children began taking those actions also, just by my example. I noticed my children began having healthier and happier relationships with their friends. I noticed things around my house that I noramally did, were suddenly being done for me and nobody was taking credit for it. That is because the actions I began taking were rubbing off on my family and they too began taking actions.

I will close for now and ask you to please share your thoughts and your own experiences in your life that are a result of taking certain actions which we learn in our program.

[sioux]

Like you I have heard all those descriptions too. The one that hit home for me is that this is a disease of perception.

I perceive things differently because I feel more intensely than non-alcoholics. I believe that is the primary difference. Emotionally, physically.

I share the same pitfalls and tribulations as other people do, but my emotions are out to kill me. That is why I drank.

I have had to learn that my feelings are not facts, and the only way I have been able to do that is to re-learn my thought process through the steps.

Inventorying my behavior enabled me to learn how to get that "open mind" my sponsor kept hammering on me. I was a closed minded alkie that had to really work hard at letting go of my old thoughts and ways of doing things.

I try not to live in the knee-jerk world I did for so many years. You do something I react. I do something, you react. Pausing when aggitated and stepping back and asking for guidance continue to be a daily reprieve for me to do something different.

I have been on the receiving end and the giving end of making decisions that affect so many others based on "feelings" and not facts. Mostly, making no decisions because I was crippled with my "feelings" have been the most harmful.

Taking that inventory of my behaviors has really enlightened me about the feelings I had that pushed me onward to destroy so many sweet relationships before they ever bloomed.

I don't have to do that today if I can just stop and remember that my feelings do not have to rule my actions.

[JohnDaniels]

Thank you Sioux,

I can really appreciate you're comments, and particularly the last sentence; <I>"... my feelings do not have to rule my actions."</I>

Sioux, we had a meeting many years ago where we'd listen to an AA circuit speaker on tape, then when the tape was over, we'd have a group discussion. Each week there would be a different AA circuit speaker on a tape. I loved that meeting. As irony would have it, that meeting was started by a judge whom I had stood before on many occasions.

In my drinking daze that judge always took a personal interest and a deeper interest in my life as I stood before him. I'd do something totally insane that led to me winding up in front of him. Then he'd do something totally sane, like giving me the opportunity to spend time in a jail or spend time in a mental hospital. This was a judge who had never sentenced anyone to attend AA meetings. He would however give people a chance to really take a good look at just how serious of a problem they had in a hospital.

Moving on here. At one of the tape meetings one night he brought something different rather than the normal tapes of AA circuit speakers. He did it the right way too by asking the group if they wanted to do it. We all voted to go with it. What is was, was several 33 1/2 LP records and some 16mm films of "Father Martin". One of the 16mm films was called "Chalk Talk".

Father Martin would take his chalk to his chalk board and write an I over E as if it were a fraction. Then he'd say this is the proper way we are to use out minds with the I over the E. "Intellect over Emotion". Then he'd reverse the letters with the E over the I and say something to the effect that the E over the I is the way alcoholics come to AA with our emotions over our intellect.

I always enjoyed his films and records. I just looked him up YouTube and found this -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8EtijkXQ-U

[Montauktammy]

I can not think my way into right acting, I have to act my way into right thinking.

[sioux]

Those are very interesting clips JD...I will watch more. It is always still, to this day, shiverring to me to hear the words the further away an alkie is from his last drink, the closer he is to the next one.

I tell you what I heard lately...this disease wants me dead, and will take misery as a close second.

Thanks for sharing those clips...going to watch more of them and pass them on!

Sioux

[Dan B]

I like the saying that I can not think my way into right acting, I have to act my way into right thinking. Also I like the thought that emotions and feelings shouldn't rule my thoughts and actions. I did both of these wrong tonight. I turned around and walked away from someone that I didn't want to because of my emotions and feelings where being hurt and I felt like I was being treated like I didn't count. I wish how I didn't do that I feel bad about myself that I did that. It left me with a not in my guts! I feel bad about myself. Maybe I put to much inportence in this relationship but I love and care about her and I miss her and I get very emotional and that emotion get me to act in a way that I shouldn't. I am not saying that I am powerless over how I act just that I mess-up sometimes on how I act.I do hope I can learn from my actions.-LOVE DAN B

[sioux]

Gotta tell ya, my favorite 40 something years of recovery guy is in the hospital. I was going to go to him with these things I am learning and disappointed to have to wait. Fixating...still a character defect.

But as my Creator would have it another guy out of nowhere shows up with 42 years...and has the Chalk Talk memorized and was able to give me some insights.

With that character defect, I am able to ask for help. Thank you Creator for what little humility I have been granted.

His thoughts were that the further away we are from the last drink, the closer we are to the next one was like the wagons are circling theory. We stay in the middle, fighting only today's battle. Surrender to the disease, not the drink. Don't worry about tomorrow if we do today with the tools we have been taught.

Is that it? A simple program sioux...you know that.

I was expecting something entirely different. Well, I am still sick. The old guy I mention at the beginning....he reminds me of that when I walk into our meeting hall and roll my eyes like I have walked into an out of control classroom. Without a word he looks at me, asks me to sit down and then leans over and says..."Yes, you are one of them; us." Oh holy sioux, come down from your mountain...

which leads me right into the spiritual relapse statement....

I must keep my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds. I haven't got any markets cornered on spirituality. Non-permanance is that constant reminder that today is it. Labor and love are required.

[aaok2day]

Hey, I like everything you said also i love Chalk Talk. First time I ever herd Joe and Charlie, I thought I might have fighting chance at this recovery I have tried and failed so many times to get (it). I also thought maybe in The Big Book where they talk about the people who have other problems might be me. Self centered to the core as usual. I have to be on chronic pain medication. For 50 years I did pretty good at doing my thing anesthisizing myself for all of my own brought on problems. Not all of them were brought on me by myself. In 2000, I had to go on disability due to a birth defect. Since then, I have been on pain maintenance program. I really do not like it at all. I know I do not abuse my medicine but I hate taking it. I feel like I shouldn't even go to AA sometimes just because of it, but, my main problem is alcohol. At first, I could not take it right. After 5 years, I am going on 3 yrs. continuous sobriety of not misusing my medicine. I have not had a drink in quite a few years. Probably 7 but my first sponsor told me to change my date because I used my medicine wrong one very bad day in my life. How do you feel about people who have to take medicine in the program of AA? I wish I did not have this pain but I do so I do what the Dr. says. I hate pain.
Thanks,
AAok2day

[aaok2day]

No doubt a program of action. I had to change my thinking apparatus and my actions, my daily living habits to make a change. Change people, places and things. I did that but did not have willingness. I thought I did. That was because my thinker had not yet had an AA attitude. I was told I needed an Attitude Adjustment. I finally got one but it started in 1998. I am finally going on 3 yrs. All by the grace of God. I still have a lot of 4th step things to go over like lieing, sex, all or none. I'm at the none now. No fun either. Black or white. Maybe that will change when I get the willingness to pick up the pen again like I did in 1998, I know the 10, 11 and 12 steps are the maintenance steps but I feel the need to do a thorough 4th step again on 2 things in my life before I can go any further. Any suggestions? ANYONE?
AAOK2DAY
ODAT