Am i being selfish?

[lala]

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. When we first started seeing each other, I was in recovery and he wasn't. He wouldn't smoke around me or come around me high. He was (and still is) very supportive of my recovery. He first went to an NA meeting with me because he knew it was a huge part of my life and wanted to see what it was. I never asked him to go. He is now involved with NA and is very active in our homegroup as am I. Here's my problem: with him working days and me working nights we don't get to see each other much. And when we do have time to spend together, we are usually taken up with either meetings or our sponsors or helping fellow addicts new to recovery. The fact that he was willing and openminded enough to check out the program just because he knew how important it was to me and the fact that he jumped right in and started doing the drill are two ( of the many ) reasons that I fell so in love with him. He is still new to recovery with over 90 days clean. I know that when I had 90 days clean I was hitting every meeting and filling my time with people in recovery. Am I being selfish when I get mad that we don't have any time for us? I know that in my life, my recovery has to come first. But i also know that if I don't go to every single meeting that I will be alright, i still go to at least 3 a week and I talk to my sponsor every other day, I have an awesome support group. What do I do? i don't want to lose this relationship, I know that I am with the man that I am supose to be with for the rest of my life. But how do I find time for our relationship to grow without being selfish? I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else besides myself but I hope so because I could really use some feedback.

[Montauktammy]

If I am in a relationship with someone who is using I truly have to look at my caretaking, and me call me selfish if you want to, but I got to recover or all the rest is for not. Any thing I put b4 my recovery I will loose. I was with a man for a year whom I loved very much who drank as long as the drinking was not around me it was ok, but you even knew a drunk that could only drink part time ?? Me either so when it started to effect my recovery he had to go. It is life or death for me.

[litlaurlee]

Of course you may be feeling selfish and yet your are powerless to that feeling. You have only to turn it over, believing that all will be well because you are doing for yourself and your partner- or rather allowing him to-what you were told to do. It sounds like your relationship is great and so giving it time in this way will only allow it to be stronger later.

[Faith92208]

Wow - that's awesome that he's getting so involved with the program and leaving drugs behind. That is really a blessing. As for not having enough private time with each other, have you talked to him about how you feel? It sounds like having opposite schedules is pretty challenging. Maybe suggest doing something fun, just the two of you? It's not selfish to want time alone together. I wish you both the best!

[stodd]

Just read your post. Today I am celebrating 103 days clean and sober. This is the most importand thing in my life today. It comes before my son, my relationships, jobs. Cuz without it I have NOTHING! Do we really know who we are at 90 days? For me I go to every meeting I can get my body to. Thats why they say don't make any major decisions in the first year. I am working on me. I only have to change one thing, and thats EVERYTHING! So it takes more than 90 days. I also have to work on my acceptance. People don't change to meet our conditions, we change to meet conditions. This is the most important time in my sobriety, I'am building a foundation with Gods help............... If this relationship is meant to be, it can handle whatever comes at it including meetings. Good Luck with that............ AA/NA has to be my life before it can give me a life. You didn't say how long you have been sober.? Their is a step to meet any problem or any situation in our life. Remember we can't control people, places or things. I always want things my way and by working the steps I realize that it isn't all about me. Does God know you were meant to be with him for the rest of your life? I'd put it in his hands!

[treetop]

You could plan to have just one afternoon or evening a week. It is normal that early in recovery it is tough with a job, working the steps, etc. I think your higher power will work this out as you both work on recovery.