Not a Lifetime Process

[dalin]

Sponsorship is Not a Life-time Contract
Sponsorship is meant to help
"Who's your sponsor?" (Or pigeon if you're on the east coast) is a question we get around the Fellowship a lot. And if we don't have one or express some dissatisfaction with ours, eyebrows are raised.


Some go so far as to assure us we can't stay sober or clean if we don't have a sponsor, or if we don't follow our sponsor's every suggestion, or if we have a sponsor of the opposite sex!

Of course, none of this needs be true. There's lots of confusion around sponsorship.

Two reasons for sponsorship
There really are two reasons for sponsorship:

Having a sponsor gives newcomers someone to talk with – someone who hopefully is well grounded in the Steps.

Being a sponsor gives someone with time the chance to reach out to another in a real and practical way.

But a sponsor doesn't have all the answers; a sponsor can't keep someone sober. All a sponsor can really do is set an example and make suggestions. I learned this because I almost got drunk when one of my babies wouldn't do a 4th Step. Talk about arrogance on my part! She fired me and I was devastated. My (male) sponsor rather forcefully suggested that I'd been trying to run her life and had a ton of unmet expectations. I recognized, reluctantly, that almost getting drunk over sponsoring someone probably wasn't what 'reaching out' was all about. I stopped sponsoring until I'd done some more inventory.

And yes, early on I had a male sponsor. The truth was I was afraid of women and hadn't a clue how to relate to them. Under Larry's guidance I worked the Steps and at his suggestion went to one woman's meeting a week until I was able to identify my fear and let it go. But more than one person told me, I was going to get drunk just because I had a sponsor of the opposite sex. This sort of knee-jerk statement still infuriates me – and comments like this can do real damage.

When Larry left the area, I did get a women sponsor and for a long time she was a real help. There came a time, however, when I began to explore the world beyond the AA and NA meeting rooms. Janie was so afraid for me that she discouraged my explorations at every turn. Finally I fired her and we both felt better.

Sponsorship works
Does this mean I think sponsorship is a bad idea? Not at all! And the cautions against opposite sex sponsorship are worth considering. But sponsorship is not a lifetime contract. At it's best it's an every deepening friendship, based on mutual honesty and self-revelation, allowing both parties to grow from their own experience, strength and hope. When it's less than that, the relationship needs to be changed.





Love, peace and abundance,

[dalin]

Sponsorship can be an awesome process.
But it is very easy for me to get use to
sponsees,and to feel nothing but pain when
they relapse,or decide they want another sponsor.
We forget that we are powerles over our
sponsees.
When it hapens I feel rejected,useless and loss.
This hapened to me lately.It is tuff to get back on
the horse and feel ok.
In my heart I know that everyone has there own path,
and that I cant play God.