NEED SOME ADVISE

[barbie25]

Hello I am Barb I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for almost 6 months and going to meetings this whole time. I will just get right to the point. I have been hit on since the day i walked through the doors. I try to be polite and just say no i am not interested in dating right now. Most of the men that ask me out are older then me. I am not saying older men are bad i am just saying i am 32 i don't want to date anyone older. I do I get my point across with out hurting someones feelings. Any advise would be great ,Thanks!

[Montauktammy]

What we have to remember is not everyone is all better yet, was blessed my 1rst year to have 2 men who looked out for me and kept those men away from me, but in a way then I did not know how to say no for myself so. ?? I tell them now now is not the time for me, I am working on me. When they don't get that I tell them I will pray for them to get some recovery they get that if they have any amount of time. Thing is to keep my boundaries they are mine not any one else's. No is not an open ended answer. And sometimes I can't be nice if they keep pushing it. To thine own self be true, I pray for the answer too.

[barbie25]

Sometimes I think maybe i blow it out of porpotion, but when they constantly drop hints or whenever someone else notices and says something to me i know iam not. thanks tammy. i will pray for more patience. that could always help right!!

[Montauktammy]

I would not pray for things, my mom says when we pray we ask for help, that is all if we pray for things we may get tests until we achieve the goal we have prayed for. Like i use to pray to be strong and then wonder why my life was so hard. so i just ask for help now and i pray for others what i pray for myself

[janbear]

If you have a sponsor Barb maybe they have some advice to give on the matter.
In early recovery, i just said No, not interested and walked away and let them know i was married, most of the time they listened. I was firm with what i meant. I have big boundaries with men anyway, so it made it easy for me. So i guess i am not much help here.
I have always been told if we pray for patience God will give us reasons to be patient. Are you sure you want to pray for that?

Hang in there!

[sioux]

Tough one. But as my first sponsor used to tell me, "No" is a complete sentence, use it, and don't make excuses for it. I did that, and until I was ready to accept an offer for a date, which has a beginning and an end according to her, I learned to say "NO." Sometimes, "NO THANKS." "NOT INTERESTED BUDDY, SO BACK OFF" works real well too. Just think how much practice you are getting when someone well intentioned moron asks you repeatedly if you would like a drink.

Ya gotta remember, we are all alkies, and most of us learned our social skills in barrooms and Circle K parking lots. Change is tough.

[lala]

the worst type of vice is advice. My sponsor tells me that we are not to give advice that the best thing we can do is share our experience. I have been in your situation and what worked for me is talking about in a meeting, saying point blank that I was not comfortable flirting around having men hit on me, only one man did not respect that and what i realized was that he obviously wasn't working a very good program himself if he couldn't respect my boundaries and i prayed for him.

[kaistevens]

If a someone's behavior towards me peronally
is making me uncomfortable ,
no matter what the intention,
that behavior is not acceptable.
Any person who honestly 'means no harm'
would want to know if they made me uncomfortable
and would not want to cause that for me.
But if someone gets upset, or pushy, or rude
when I let them know they are crossing my boundaries,
then they are not being mindful of me anyway.
Hurt feeling can often bring a person to examine themselves and their actions.

Guess what I wanted to say, your feeling matter too.