weekly recovery meeting 3-14/3-20...Forgiveness

[thereishope]

Hello everyone,
What i would like to share with everyone is an experience i had during the beginning of my recovery.I have been clean and sober since aug 31 2003.
Well as you know it all begins with addmiting i was powerless over my alchol and meth addiction,so i admitted to that but i still at that time did not believe a power greater than myself could restore me, So the next step for me was 12-i had a spiritual experience and gave my life to JESUS on aug 31 2003. It was then that "I BELIEVED". I could not believe how amazing i felt,there were no words to express how i felt.So after that had happened i knew "I COULD" trust him to be with me and restore me.
I was doing really well and i got through my 4th and 5th steps.I was able to put it all out there and even more amazingly "I COULD FORGIVE". After everything i had been forgiven for it was easier to forgive situations that had happened and there were some pretty horrendus ones and also forgive all others.But here is where i hit a BIG road block, i couldnt figure out what was wrong i should have felt a little better than i did espically with all the work i did in steps 4 and 5. I had a hard time understanding what was happening so i spent ALOT of time in prayer Talking with GOD and really searching and then GOD showed me
I heard from way down deep in my spirit "have you HONESTLY forgiven YOURSELF for all that you have done?"
WOW there it was my roadblock and a journey and step i spent quite a bit of time on but with GODS loving mercy and grace i was finally able to feel and be free Forgiving all others as well as "MYSELF" After GOD and i got through that i was able to really feel like i was on the road of recovery and discovery of who i really was and as i sit here today i wouldnt change a thing about my life because its made me who i am today
Thank you for letting me share and i hope my story can help someone else also.........
Thankyou my recovery family here..........Much love and many blessings for you all

[barbie25]

That was awsome. I to forgot to forgive myself. It was a big weight lifted from my shoulders to do that. thanks so much for this topic. i think alot of people forget to forgive themselfs i know for me it was because i did not think i desereved forgivness. But I figured if God and my family could forgive me I could and should forgive myself. hugs and love.Barbie

[admin]

Great topic and great shares.

I heard somewhere along the way that when you make your amends list to put yourself on there. I did. I still mess up sometimes and have to continue to forgive myself for my mistakes I make. Progress not perfection here.

[Dan B]

Hi! My name is Dan and I am an addit. Foregiving one's self is a good topic. I too after a life of using had a lot of guilt and shame even after working the 12 steps a couple of times and having a higher power I call GOD and praying the guilt and shame was still there. It seemed to me I would re-live that guilt and shame in my mind like it was happening in front of my eyes and it would make me feel like hurting myself. It maybe is like PTSD I don't know anyway to get passed those times I would ask for GOD'S help and give it to GOD which seemed to help for those times and after some year's of being retored to some sanity and finding a new way to live that guilt and shame has lessened and got better much better! Love Dan B

[thereishope]

HELLO EVERYONE I JUST WANTED TO SAY "THANKYOU" FOR YOUR SHARES AND TO SAY MUCH LOVE AND MANY BLESSINGS FOR YOU ALL

[sioux]

When I got to that Fifth Step, I found I had great remorse, so much remorse, that I truly wanted to embrace the next step of good character building.

That character building teaches me that there is hope for a brighter future for me and for everyone if I dedicate myself to change on a daily basis.

And as a human with many shortcomings, I can't say how grateful I am for another day to ask for forgiveness and help from my Creator to start again.

My 10th Step taking teaches me that I am capable of goodness as far as human conditions go.

I have had to learn more about forgiving others than about forgiving myself. In my working relationship with the Great One, that is where I seek refuge and forgiveness.

My Creator has given me another opportunity to do something different.

I have learned much about personal accountablility, something I fall short on over and over. I really need my Creator and some simple solid rules of conduct in my life that I can adhere to. That's where AA has come into play for someone that has abandomed themselves to this simple program of men and women sharing a common bond.

What I have learned to do for myself is to have some understanding of who and what I am; exactly what I am capable of, first bad, then good. This is how I can afford a little compassion and self-correction.

Often, I have to ask for some help. From a sponsor, a friend, my Creator. I have taken ownership and there will be consequences, good and bad, or none even, for my actions. Forgiveness hasn't been a free pass to erasing errors made. I have to do the work.

Many must find self-forgiveness to go on, and I am for that. It hasn't been my case though...my Creator determines that for me, and I have to trust, go forward, and sin no more as they say. But I still do.

That prayer about learning to understand rather than to be understood...this Program teaches me to behave in a way that I can live with myself and others, a Power greater than Thee, to be useful, productive, joyful, helpful. I do not wish to close the door on the past; no regrets. It is my greatest asset to help another...see, look what I have done. There is hope for you too!

And I say this because there are situations all alcoholics have to face...there is someone or something out there that we cannot get to make amends to for one reason or another. I have to live with that. For some this means to forgive, for me it is a lesson that is hard to learn, and I don't get to assume anything.