new life new behaviors

[barbie25]

Hello I am Barbie and I am an alcoholic. I guess I picked this topic because latley I have been noticing for myself, my behaviors. When I was drinking I almost always acted as if I was better then everyone I thought "lower" then me. I thought I was a princess and acted as such. Now being sober I know I am not better then anyone else and never have been. When I run into people I hurt with my behavior I make amends. Most times I end up crying and amazingly they are forgiving. One of the best lessons I have learned in my recovery is that when you feel Gods love it is easier to love others and acceppt them for excactly who they are, not what they are. I hope this makes sense to you all. Thanks for letting me share.

[thereishope]

Hi barbie good topic and good share and ill tell ya it sure does make sence.........
I too have experienced that "thinking...Oh my i am not like THAT i cant be as bad as THEY are..........Well much to my amazement when i began to get sober and being really honest with myself looking at my behaviors I WAS JUST LIKE THEM AND EVEN JUST A LITTLE WORSE....so i totaly understand.I am just so glad and thankful that GOD in all his mercy and grace has set me free and showed me day by day the error of my ways and how to grow and overcome them with GODS AWSOMELY BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL LOVE THAT HE HAS FOR US........
thankyou for your share and i wish you much love and many more blessings on your journey of recovery and discovery

[sioux]

I have heard and can attest to the fact that the first drink was to feel as good as everyone. The second drink to feel better than everyone, and the third one was to feel nothing. Oblivian was the goal.

My feelings aren't facts I have to act on today, thank G-d because as a dear friend of mine reminds me, my feelings are out to kill me (you too eventually). I don't have to drink over them feelings.

Behaviors have changed, but this thing we do is a constant that requires a great deal of dedication, rededication -- perseverence they call it. There are some defects my Creator seems to refuse to remove no matter how humble I may ask for their dismissal. I have to work on those things. A working relationship with Creator today where Sioux participates in the recovery process. Simple, yes; easy? No.

[lapgr8ful]

in early recovery, i heard the phrase 'i take care of the little things, and God will take care of the big things.' i was struggling to stay sober. part of the reason, i now know, was because i refused to do the little steps that would add up to a sober life. instead, i was trying for the 'big change' or the complete conversion experience. when i didn't get it by staying sober for a week, i got angry and gave up. what arrogance! when i heard that phrase, i understood. so, i took the little steps, and slowly but surely i got -- and stayed -- sober.

the other amazing experience was about my thinking. i went to a big book retreat about 9 months into sobriety. during that weekend of discussion and reflection, it came to me that i simply did not *think* the way i used to think. surely, only God could produce such a change. it was one of the first, and most powerful, realizations of how God was working in and with me.

thank you for this topic. it was a good reminder of some of the early lessons that i learned.

god bless.

[admin]

I came, I came to, I came to believe. In turning my life and will over to the care of God, I surrender my will. Thy will, not mine, be done. In doing so, comes change in my life and my behavior because my desire to do God's will, not mine. I desire to grow in His image everyday - one day at a time. I start each day turning it over to God and sometimes I have to do again during the day. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Today God fills the spot that I use to try to fill with alcohol and drugs.

I may not be what I want to be - yet.
And I'm not what I ought to be - yet.
But thank GOD I'm not what I use to be.

[janbear]

Yes in this new life of recovery from drugs and alcohol, with it comes a change in behavior as i work the 12 steps honestly.

[Montauktammy]

I find that when I judge anyone's process I am judging God's work. even my own process! It is hard to not want to fix manage and control some Sh** cause I think I know best, but the truth is I don't know ! And that means that yes I have some information on the program and I know how to stay clean one day at a time I have learned how to live life on life's terms and not use, but I don't know what will happen to me to you to anyone, so how can I fix manage and control what I don't know?

[barbie25]

The response to this has been great. Thanks everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!

[clean42day]

my experience as an addict was the exact opposite - I came in thinking I was "less than" - not good enough to be here - and not as worthy as other people or worthy of recovery. my self-esteem was non-existant - and I was definetly spiritually broken. my sponsor pointed out that if you are thinking of yourself as better than others or not as good as others - both extremes are a form of false pride and an ego out of balance. In essence the EGO is saying in one extreme that I am not good enough to be a child of god and in the other extreme you are not good enough to be a child of god. And as someone else said here - that is judging God's handiwork.
I am also a recovering co-dependent - so there was a false self that thought I could prove my worth by caretaking others who I percieved to be 'less than' me......what a twisted web we weve

I have found over the years that I am "equal" to others; the only difference being they are on a unique spiritual path - just like me and just because they are not on my exact path - does not mean they are lost. I think God and the Universe are intelligent enough to keep an eye on each person even when they take detours.


I have been through so many extremes in these last 5 years - I am just now discovering some type of humble balance in my life - and that doesn't mean I hold on to it for long either ............I am still a work in progress too some days the best I can do is just tell myself that today I did "enough" towards some personal and spiritual development in my life and that tomorrow is a new day - with new opportunities for growth.

light and love to all

Gail