STRUGGLE ~

[janbear]

STRUGGLE ~

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"Our way is not soft grass, it's a
mountain path with lots of rocks. But
it goes upward, forward,toward the sun."

Ruth Westheimer

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I've been in a Twelve Step program for a
while now. When I look back, I sometimes
think how easy the journey has been to
find the peace, serenity and love I've
been given -- thanks to the program. I
brought a lot of denial with me when I
joined the program, and apparently I'm
still in some denial. I'm so grateful to
be where I am today that I have
forgotten the struggles I've faced to
get here.

No wonder some newcomers look at
longtimers and think they'll never be
able to get there! When I stretch my
memory, I remember running headlong into
the Fourth Step and thinking it the
scariest thing I'd ever faced in my
life. I know that first one was
traumatic--holding my pencil to do it,
getting the first page down, and
admitting so many things that had been
shaming me for decades. I usually don't
think about that today. Now I know
firsthand the cleansing of a good Fourth
Step and I look forward to them as I
peel the onion and find more defects.

When I look back over my journey, I can
remember sitting in an emergency room
using the slogan "One Day at a Time" for
the first time. I changed "one day" to
"five minutes" because it was all I
could handle. But it got me through that
day and the next two days. A few years
ago I read that the slogans are the
handrails to the Steps. I wish I'd known
that before. For me to use that slogan
when I did was an act of faith ~ and at
the time my faith was shaky. After
having proved to my satisfaction that
there is a Higher Power out there who
wants the best for me, I have faith
now. Maybe this is why I look back on my
journey and have a hard time finding the
struggles. Maybe it's my new attitude of
gratitude that keeps me looking to the
positive rather than the
negative. Whatever the reason, I'd like
to say that

I struggled in the program, but it was
worth it.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I will remember to turn to the program
to help maintain my peace and
serenity,especially through the bad
times.

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