~ REAL LIVING ~

[janbear]

~ REAL LIVING ~

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A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.

Tara Morice as Fran,
from the movie "Strictly Ballroom"

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When I first saw this movie in 1993, it
spoke volumes to my life and to my
recovery. I had spent my life afraid,
afraid of everything and everybody. If I
crossed you, I feared your wrath. If I
disappointed you, I dreaded the loss
of your love. If things were going well,
I wondered, often aloud, when the other
shoe was going to drop. I had nowhere
to go, no one to trust, nothing I could
believe in, because I knew it would be
taken away from me. The only safe
haven I had was in the food, but I was
afraid of the consequences. The
biggest thing that kept me in my
disease was the fear of what might
be on the other side.

The bravest thing I ever did was walk
through the doors of my first program
meeting. I had been shamed into it by
a therapist, but once I got there I
sensed that my fears would be
vanquished. I saw people who had
been there, done that, and designed
the t-shirt of fear that I was wearing.
They showed me, through the Steps
and Traditions, that there was more to life.

The program of recovery has taught me
that a life of fear indeed is a life half-lived.
Living in fear, I only succeeded in quashing
the joy, the adventure, the zest for life that
was naturally planted in me. It also
eliminated the biggest fear ... that of a
Higher Power. It has given me faith, the
diametric opposite of fear. Faith shined its
light on the darkness of my life, and
allowed me to live a fuller existence that
cannot be taken from me, save for retreat
into fearful despair. I am so immensely
grateful for what I have been given: life,
instead of mere existence.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
Faith in a Power greater than myself is a
powerful antidote to a fearful, half-lived life.
I pray to keep the light of faith shining
brightly in my life.